I do not want sympathy. She is in a better place.
My wife went into hospice the day after Christmas. She passed away before New Year's. Before that I was taking care of her with help from an in home care nurse.
My wife used to participate in triathlons. She was a beautiful muscular brute. I don't know what she saw in me but I'm grateful for whatever it was. She weighed just over 90 pounds when she went into hospice.
Sorry I guess that isn't relevant. I just want people to know how awesome she was and how awful it was at the end. Her kids lived on the house with us and didn't help. They are young adults. 23 and 25.
My sister would drive from her town across the city to help cook and clean. She has her own family and a full time job and she did that for her best friend and her brother.
My step kids just made more work for us. They ate food that people from the church brought for us. Then they would leave the casserole out instead of putting the leftovers in the fridge. One time my dog got into it and I spent three hours cleaning dog diarrhea up instead of being with Dani. I fucking hate them for those three hours.
I've known the kids for ten years. They were good kids. I moved on with Dani a year after we met. We got married a year later. Second marriage for her. First and only for me I think.
Her ex has systematically screwed her over. She got the house in the divorce. She said she wanted the kids to have stability. Her ex had taken out home equity loans before the divorce. She knew about them but was blindsided by the divorce.
Sorry I'm rambling.
Long story short. I sold my condo when we got married and used the money to pay off the house in full. Since there was zero equity I basically bought the house.
Now that she is gone I don't want to be there any more. So I sold it. I bought a condo in the Ice district. That's a neighborhood by the hockey arena in my city.
I'd been considering it since we knew the inevitable was coming. I was going to keep.the house for the kids though. Their behavior during her illness made me reconsider.
A few people, including the kids, people from our church, and her ex have called me heartless for kicking them out of their home right after their mother passed away. I'm so numb these days I don't care.
My sister says that I'm in the right. But she would say that if I committed genocide. She is hard core ride or die. She suggested I post here anonymously to get unbiased opinions.
I will try my best to answer any questions you ask. I don't really know how this works. I have been asked to edit in that I sold the house the week their mom died but they do not have to move out until May.
ESH. The "kids" obviously, but only giving them a week notice is also cruel. Not saying you should have kept the house for them, just that the decent thing to do would have been to give them more time to set up new living arrangements.
Edit: to be clear, the "kids" are way more assholes than you, it's just ... a week is really abrupt. NTA.
It was more of an exaggeration. The house sold very fast. But possession isn't until May. They have until then to go move in with their father or something. It is a great house on a beautiful neighborhood. I just don't want to be there if she isn't.
‘She was a beautiful, muscular brute’ That brought tears to my eyes. Your love for her is evident & I know you’re grieving so much. I am so sorry for your loss. Aside from that…NTA. They’re adults. They will survive. You lost the love of your life & you do whatever you need to move on & take care of yourself. Don’t feel bad or let anyone scold you for your choice.
Oh, then NTA. That's more than enough time!
I can absolutely understand not wanting to keep the house, I hope you enjoy your new condo.
Based on OP’s comment that the 23 and 25 yo “kids” have until May to find new living arrangements, NTA. Sorry for your loss, OP. Your wife sounds like she was a very special type of kick-ass awesome.
She wanted to go to that wife carrying race in Finland and enter carrying me. She rocked my world.
NTA. I get this right? "kids" age 23 and 25 still live at home and while their mother is dying they do nothing helpful and, indeed, are irresponsible unsupportive AHs. Do they work? Can they buy the house from you? What is wrong with people?
They have jobs. They both graduated from university. But no they could not afford the house. Not unless I basically gave it to them.
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that means nothing from a stranger. You owe those ungrateful brats nothing. And their bio father calling you heartless is a joke. Forget that guy. I'm an atheist myself but if you get support from a church I hope it helps.
But the people who are calling you out can eat a poo. I hope I never experience what you have but if I did and someone took me away from the person I love to make me clean up a mess they caused I would lose it. I'm glad you have a sister like you described. She sounds amazing. Anyway once again NTA.