Only child's world shattered after DNA test reveals 8 secret half-siblings. UPDATED WITH DNA RESULTS
"Are these really half siblings of mine?"
The context I have believed to be true for my whole 25 years of life:
I am an only child to two parents who have not had children with any other people. I myself have no children.
On my dad’s side, he has one brother who I know well and has never been married or had children. My paternal grandmother and grandfather only had my father and uncle as children. My mother has 4 older sisters. My maternal grandmother and grandfather had only the 5 daughters.
From those 4 aunts of mine, I have 7 cousins. 4/7 are not close to me due to distance and age differences (my mom is the youngest of 4 as I said and she had me at 39). Two of those distant cousins have young kids around 10-12 years old.
These 8 DNA relatives listed here all show potential half sibling relationships.
For the ones that have a birth year visible, they are all born one or two years after me.
Given the percentages, to my understanding there are 3 possible relationships that share DNA percentages in that range: aunt/ uncle and niece/nephew, grandparent and grandchild, and half siblings.
Since the first two are 100% not the case in my situation, what do these results mean? Maybe my father was a sperm donor around the year I was born? That seems weird to me.
I asked my mom today and she said that to her knowledge he never did that. She could be lying of course, perhaps wanting to talk to me about it in person or something. Any and all thoughts are appreciated!!
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Never wanted to follow a 23 post so much.
Big-Charity4598 (OP)
Well this is just the beginning! I’m hoping to get some more insight from my parents when I see them in person. Also reached out to one “half sibling” I found on instagram.
Good luck. How do you feel about everything so far?
Big-Charity4598 (OP)
At first I was just really confused, then after doing some research and realizing the only possible option for my relationship to these people truly is half sibling, I just started to wonder about how that happened. I’m mostly just curious.
If I end up finding out that my dad isn’t my biological father, that’s okay with me. He’s my dad no matter what. I just hope that he wouldn’t be ashamed or upset to finally come clean about that. Or if he donated sperm, that’s no big deal either. I’m just curious and not highly emotional about any of the possibilities.
Very level headed of you. Hopefully some kind of answer gets to you.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
The update everyone’s been waiting for! Sorry it’s not more exciting, but it is true that I was conceived by a sperm donor who is not my dad. I’ve gotten into contact with 3 of the other half siblings and it sounds like they’ve known this information for a lot longer than I have. I guess there’s a Facebook group as well for all the half siblings that I’ll be joining soon.
My parents told me they’ll answer any questions I have and I told them I hope they don’t feel bad about keeping this information from me my whole life. To me, it doesn’t change a thing. My dad always has been and always will be my dad.
It’s kinda wild finding out something like this from 23 and me and then finding out the truth in such a public manner here on Reddit. But I’d like to say thank you so much to everyone for all the support and interest in my story. I never expected to get this kind of response and I want everyone to know that having this support did make it easier on me in some ways.
If anyone else is going through something similar I’ll be keeping this account for that purpose. Thank you again to everyone, if there are any more questions I’ll do my best to get back to everybody here :)
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
That is so sweet, thanks for the update!! You're right that he's your dad no matter what. My grandma was in a years-long affair, and when it all came to light about 10 years ago, she admitted she wasn't sure who my mom's biological father was.
My grandfather (Papa) refused to take any DNA test and would get angry if it was ever brought up. In his mind, that was his daughter, DNA or not. And any attempt to "prove" otherwise was insulting to him.
I took a 23andMe test a few years ago. I matched with Papa’s siblings, confirming he was my biological grandpa and therefore also my mom’s bio dad. Papa had already passed away by then, so he went to his grave not knowing, but he wouldn't have had it any other way.
Your parents are very lucky to have you as their child! 🤍
Thanks for the update! Any idea if it is possible to determine who the donor is? I imagine that information is confidential with the sperm bank but wonder if any of the half-siblings who have known for a while have tried to narrow it down. I also understand you may not be interested at all who he is, and that’s ok too.
Big-Charity4598 (OP)
We have limited information as far as I know. Not his name but his heritage and interests, like a bio about himself. I’m sure I’ll find out more once I join the Facebook group!
Up to 1 in 20 people who take a DNA test experience an "NPE" (non-paternity event / not parent expected). Obviously some people take the test where they already have suspicions, but that's still a lot of people who go through the situation OP described. OP is taking it surprisingly well; good for them!
A testament to the fact that your family is not based on DNA, but on the people who love you.