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Woman mocked by family for 'developmental disability' wonders if she should help them now.

Woman mocked by family for 'developmental disability' wonders if she should help them now.


"WIBTA if I buy a house for myself only and leave family in their foreclosed house?"


The family consists of mom, female relatives "Patricia (47)," "Felicia (30)," and "Arianna (30)." Dad left us 16 years ago, and Patricia was the second adult providing for the family.

When I was born I was suffocated or something, and was labeled as developmentally disabled. No one in the family ever looked past that label. Felicia and Arianna always treated me like a joke and excluded me from everything.

Whenever I was alone with either Felicia or Arianna, she'd basically bully me. Past 2009, whenever I told Mom what those two did to me, she would do the same thing to me.

Mom only saw me as disabled and incapable of anything, and wouldn't even bother to raise me. I never had a chance to grow. My school closed down and Mom put me in an ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) institution afterwards.

The staff there made me completely regress, but Mom assumed the disorder was why. I suffered a mental health crisis when I was 10, which got me in a hospital. Mom only blames the disorder, so the staff who abused me were allowed to continue. Mom also grounded me for making her miss a day of work because of my "little attitude."

The big rule at the institution was to Just Follow Directions™. If no one told me to do a thing, I should never do it until I'm told. If someone makes me uncomfortable, I still needed to just follow their directions.

At home, I stopped asking Mom for basic necessities like soap and underwear. I quit showering and doing laundry as that was being a good kid, being out of the way. I eventually smelled horrible, which was blamed on the disorder.

Also, when I finally had the courage to ask for new necessities again, Felicia and Arianna would find it so funny that some dumb dumb scum would want something so mature that even they would use. Mom and Patricia found it funny as well, asking why I suddenly want to be so "fancy."

I finally got back on track with hygiene when I was allowed to shop alone, as I was able to buy anything without judgment and hide it after I bought it. From late 2018 to mid 2020, Mom treated me much worse than the usual. Much much worse. To this day it's really hard to talk about.

In 2021, Mom crossed yet another line, one that I also refuse to write about. I was so offended by how the family treated me that I impulsively changed my whole name without publishing, but a slip-up revealed my name to Felicia and Arianna. They of course found it funny and were belittling towards me. They've treated me this way about my name basically forever.

Now, Patricia has terminal cancer and is dying. If a new house is bought, it will be in Felicia's name. Felicia is extremely petty and will force me to comply with her as she owns the house.

That's just how she is. I've been working harder since Patricia's cancer diagnosis to avoid this (and it paid off!) Is it justified to leave them with nothing or should I forgive them?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


This post is so confusing. 90% of this post is about how your mom and relatives, besides Patricia, mistreated you. But your title is about buying a house without them? Can you even afford to do this? I’m so confused what you mean by the new house being in Felicia’s name, if it is bought. Who is buying it?

The OP responded here:


Yeah, character limit got me and I had to reduce it by a lot. The post was originally 6000+ characters!

I ended up removing details that I now realize are necessary:

  • After 10+ years of trying to achieve this, an online project is paying me enough to buy a house.

  • The house I'm in right now with the family is foreclosed. They're all working towards getting a new house and it'll be in Felicia's name if that happens before they're possibly evicted from the foreclosed house.

  • I'm asking if I'm the AH for not helping them at all when I move.


Screw them. Buy a house. Move out. Never speak to them again. File paperwork with the courts disowning them. If you have someone you trust have them be your poa and make medical decisions for you if you are ever incapacitated or unable.


NTA…oh honey, I am so sorry you have endured this from people who are supposed to love you. If you are able to, get your own place and never look back. You do not need these people in your life. Move and go no contact. Of course you are justified to leave an abusive situation and people who have had nothing but abuse for you.

You do not owe them anything. Say this to yourself…”I am worthy. I am deserving. I am beautiful. I am strong. I can do this”. Every single day you say this to yourself until you believe it and even after.


NTA. You owe them nothing. Live your best life. Be happy.


NTA. I wouldn't hesitate to get out of there if I had as much as the prospect of a decent fridge box to live in, much less a whole house. You absolutely do not owe those horrible people anything, no matter how sick they are or how much you are related.

ABA is now recognized as an abusive "treatment" of people with autism over most of the civilized world. It is not strange that you broke down under that regimen of horror. From your writing you do not present as the least bit mentally "less than."

Sorry, English is not my first language, and the correct expression escapes me. I think you have been horribly repressed the most of your life. I hope you go ahead and get a house, and make the most of your life. Best of luck with it, and don't look back.

So, if you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them to do?

Sources: Reddit
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