Woman RSVPs 'No' to her brother's wedding because of his 'evil stepmother.' AITA?
"AITA for RSVPing no to my brother's wedding for my family even after he begged me to let us all attend?"
Impossible-Paint6720
I (34F) have a younger brother (technically half) from my mom who is 26 and he is getting married. My brother's dad and my mom were engaged for a couple of years when my brother came along. When he was 1 my mom found out his dad was cheating.
His dad packed up and moved in with the other woman and married her three years later. My brother split his time with us and with his dad equally. It was always awkward when we were around his dad and his dad's wife.
She was always super hostile to my mom and super insulting to her. My mom kept her mouth shut through it all. She did not fight back. She would try to keep my brother out of the middle. But my brother knew about it all.
When my brother turned 21 he had this big birthday party and we were all there. During the party his dad's wife called my mom yesterday's news and said she wasn't the kind of woman a guy marries.
My mom fired back that at least she didn't sleep with men in relationships with others. My brother heard the entire exchange but scolded mom for what she said. Mom got so upset that she quickly left.
I asked my brother how he could let his dad's wife talk to mom like that but only scold mom. He said mom has always been better than that and he expects it to continue.
I told him he wasn't a little boy anymore and shouldn't expect mom to always accept the hate and that I was going to leave because I didn't feel like celebrating him at that moment. He asked me not to leave but I told him I couldn't stay when he let mom be disrespected like that.
My mom had to change her number and her email addresses to get away from the insults the other woman sent her. She would not leave her alone and was even using other people's phones to send shit. Once she no longer had the number it was a relief for mom. No more blocking numbers left and right.
My brother knows this. Yet when he got engaged he said he wanted "both moms" to walk him down the aisle before his fiancée was walked by her parents. The first words out of the other woman's mouth was how he'd have one real, classy woman next to him on the day.
My brother said nothing and my mom told him she wasn't going to do it. She told him she was fine with letting "that bitch" win, since apparently he preferred her anyway. Mom was upset. My brother was upset. He was also mad at mom.
When he was venting to me about it and saying mom should do better by him and understand he can't just treat the other woman like crap I told him he can let the other woman treat mom like crap though.
He tried to argue. I said to forget it. I told him to expect an RSVP no from my family (husband and kids) for the wedding. I told him there was no way I was going to act civil to the shitty person he kept defending and there was no way I wanted us supporting him.
He begged me to reconsider and he told me he wanted my kids to be in the wedding. I sent the RSVP no anyway. He sent a million texts about how unfair I was being after my response got back to him. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
thr33l3gg3dc4t
This is what happens when women try to hide the truth from their kids about a divorce. They think taking the high road is better until their selfish child that they birthed does something like this. I feel really bad for the bio mom and hope her son can see things clearly one day.
The OP responded here:
Impossible-Paint6720
You get shamed a lot though if you do tell your kids the truth. Everyone says you need to keep kids out of adult business. But then this can be the consequence too. It's one of those things where you can be judged harshly for either.
divsjm
Why is only wife expected to take the high road and be better. Everybody else can do whatever they want.
ratchetgothchick
NTA. The brother needs to start acting like an adult and telling step-mom to back off and stop talking crap. I feel bad for his soon-to-be spouse. If he let's his mother get treated this way, who knows how he'll let his spouse be treated. He's too emotionally immature to be getting married or making demands out of anyone.
The OP again responded:
Impossible-Paint6720
I don't think he'll ever reach that point. Maybe he'll only start to think badly enough of her if she drops him now that she's "won" and gets the top prize. It's not like she treats him the same as her bio kids so it wouldn't shock me too much.
Mustng1966
NTA - Little Lord Fauntleroy has got exactly what he deserved by alienating his real mother. I wouldn't go anyway either. Hopefully, when she starts bitching at the wedding some gallant person will give her the cake treatment.
AndyWolf2
NTA He let's that women who cheated with his dad be a cruel to his mother she shouldn't be part of his wedding.
zgrssd
NTA. Your brother choose to defend his step mom - repeatedly - despite her being toxic at every opportunity. He choose this outcome. He is getting married, he should be able to understand action and consequences by now.
Mediocre_Chair3293
NTA. I hate it when you're expected to act like the bigger person because "you're better than that" and someone else gets a pass because "you know what they're like". He sees one doormat and one steamroller. But they're both people, and one is acting shitty while the other gets walked all over because because he's letting it happen.
Which in turn makes him awful as well. With all that around, no wonder you can't stand the smell anymore. Tell him you'll come to the wedding when he clears the nonsense up. Until then, you're not exposing your family to a biohazard.