Husband's cousin wants to give birth in their home to 'have an American child.' AITA?
"AITAH for not wanting to take in my husband's pregnant cousin to give birth here at our home?"
Electronic_Caramel58
Let me start by saying, the cousin is not needy. She’s rich in her country but wants to secure that one of her children is born American. These cousins are great to us when we visit them, we usually go maybe a week out of the year. They, on the other hand, come here about every 3/4 months and stay for months at a time.
The cousin's husband has gotten it in his head that now that she’s pregnant it would be great to have an American born child. Both my husband and I know this means they intend to come and give birth here at our home.
We have been married for 15 years and don’t have children of our own by choice. The idea of having to host his pregnant cousin and her newborn is the last thing I want to do. She is not the easiest to host.
They have a maid in their country, so she doesn’t clean up after her self, cook, wash clothes or dishes, basically nothing. So when she comes here, as the host, I am responsible for doing these things. I don’t want to do this for 6 months. I don’t want to be cleaning sh*tty diapers or cooking and cleaning for another grown woman.
I’ve told my husband that if he doesn’t tell them no I will find a way and now he is upset at me. He says if my family needed a favor like this he wouldn’t hesitate. The difference is my family would never ask this of us, and if they did I would shut it down immediately.
They aren’t needy or homeless….they are people who don’t understand boundaries and don’t care to ask too much of someone. Am I the a**hole?
Here were the top rated comments after this initial post:
Electronic_Fox_6383
You are obviously NTA, but you should have put your foot down years ago about their overly long stays and terrible guest manners. It's time to stand firm now.
The OP responded here:
Electronic_Caramel58
I hate that you’re right ugh I have been “nice” to appease my husband but enough is enough I feel.
Electronic_Fox_6383
Yeah, these things happen small at first, but then balloon unfortunately. Pop it now before it gets any bigger, lol. Good luck.
Nervous_Hippo8855
It’s time for your husband to take care of all guest related needs and issues. If they are 100% his responsibilities, he may start to feel differently about the long visits.
The OP returned after the comments started following in and provided a short update for clarification.
"UPDATE"
Electronic_Caramel58
I told my husband whole heartedly how I’m feeling about all of this. I told him the reality of it is because I’m a woman, I will be expected to be the one to help his cousin if the baby is crying, if she needs a diaper change, doctor's appointments, literally anything related to the baby.
I told him we aren’t even considering the financial pressure it will put on us; we are assuming everything will go perfect with no complications. He agrees with all of my reservations and then some; he just struggles to say no to his family. He has always been the one who finds a way, they all admire him for that because he gets sh*t done.
But this feels like an abuse of his kindness to me. Ultimately he agreed with all I’m saying, and considering all the added points we have decided to collectively and firmly say no to this idea. They arrive Thursday just to visit family and we will tell them then. THEY ARENT STAYING WITH US DURING THIS VISIT THANKFULLY!
Here were the top rated comments after this initial update:
jortt
This entire situation has the possibility of tanking!! I’m glad your husband agrees and I hope the talk goes as well as it can.
I_Dont_Like_Rice
People can only treat you like a doormat if you let them. Simply don't let them. Glad your husband finally came around.
If I were in your shoes and he didn't, I would have moved out for those 6 months and thought about whether I wanted to go back or not.
THE_CDN
NTA. If they're rich enough to have a maid, they can find their own place to stay. You definitely shouldn't open your house to them. And what's with staying for months at a time?! Plus, having an anchor baby is so low especially considering they're already extremely wealthy.
writingisfreedom
Update me!
The OP responded to this new round of comments:
Electronic_Caramel58
I’ll provide an update after Thursday if anyone is interested. His cousin, the pregnant one, isn’t as pushy as her husband. He is the one who can’t read the room and even if he can he still shoves his agenda down your throat. If anyone makes Thursday awkward it will be him and I’m fully prepared to die on this sword 😂🤣
Thanks to everyone for chiming in, y’all made so many added points I never even considered!