Daughter tired of condescending father, calls him out at his birthday dinner. AITA?
"AITA For Making My Dad Walk Out On His Own Birthday Dinner?"
AstronomerHead2284
I’m going to preface this by saying that while I (22F) love my dad (60M), we have a complicated and difficult relationship, and it’s been made worse in the last few years for various reasons.
Something he tends to do (with most other people, not just me) is act like he is always the most correct and fully informed person in the room. His facts and opinions are the only right ones and he will not hear anything else.
2 weeks ago I flew back to my home state so I could visit my family and take my father to dinner for his birthday. I made us reservations at a steak place he loved. I bought him a beer, we got caught up with each other, and then it came time to order. He ordered his steak well done, and I ordered mine rare.
The problems started immediately after, when he told the waitress that I don’t really want that and I’ll have mine medium well. I laughed because I was hoping he was just messing around. I said no, I wanted rare.
The waitress finished taking our order and left, and my dad started up with “well if you get sick tonight it’s not on me” and it turned into an argument about food safety and steak. My father has this ridiculous belief that rare steak and rare ground beef are the same and that BOTH can get you sick, despite foodborne illness not working like that.
I’ve had a certification in food safety since 16 and have worked on and off in food service for years (back on for the past year.) But, despite my experience and knowledge on this topic, he refuses to listen to me and always belittles me and says I don’t know what I’m talking about or something to that effect.
That same thing happened during this argument, during which I tried to remain polite and levelheaded and steer the conversation towards anything else, but he wouldn’t let it go. Finally, when HE was ready to be done with it, he said that it’s not my fault, I’m younger and don’t know any better. I told him it’s not my fault that he’s ignorant and hard-headed and can’t stand to listen to anybody else but himself.
I guess he also hit his limit (he does have a history of anger issues) and he got up and left. We’d taken his car so I was stranded, but my mom lives in that town so I called her and she came and ate with me and we took my dad’s meal to my grandma (mom’s side) and we chilled the rest of the evening.
I tried to just let it go until my dad cooled down, but he didn’t really. I’ve gotten one text from him since it happened and it was a long paragraph about how I disrespected him in public and embarrassed him.
I left him on read. I feel like, after so many years or acting like this, that he had it coming. But, a couple of family members agreed that it was an a-hole move on his part because it was his birthday. I’m split. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
November-8485
NTA. He also disrespected you in public but it sounds like he feels entitled to do so because you're 'young'. The distance while sad and painful, may be what's healthiest for you.
Boeing367-80
The idea that people should be forgiven for a-hole behavior because it's their birthday is also stupid.
SKDI_0224
NTA. The ages are wrong but his could be my idiot father, right done to the ruined steak. He’s a grown man. He went and had a pout. Grown men do not go off in a pout when he is proven wrong. They also don’t leave people stranded like that.
spookycupcake666
NTA Your dad sounds obnoxious and exhausting.
C_Majuscula
NTA. You are right that he had it coming, just like most blowhards. He wouldn't let it go and this is the result. Honestly, I wouldn't spend much time with him in the future, especially in public.
Capelily
NTA. Your Mom divorced this guy, and I can't blame her one bit!
Exact_Purchase765
NTA. Stop hanging out with him, even if it's his birthday. Yeah, yeah, he donated some sperm back in the day, however (read this and repeat until you see the simple truth if it) that act of horniness on his part, did not create in you any obligation to put up with his shit and abuse.