I'm 16m and I have a sister who is 14f. My sister was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia when she was 6 and she had ongoing medical needs for 5 years. She's been healthy for the last 3 years and returned to "normal".
My parents put me on the backburner in a major way and they were not there for me. I was either bounced around to different family members or I was left alone. My birthday was forgotten a few years and Christmas was about her and I was asked to put the effort into making sure she had all the gifts and joy she could get because it could be her last.
I was miserable and I know none of us were happy, but I really felt like I was basically there as a prop to try and cheer her up sometimes. She would ask for stuff and they would move heaven and earth to get it and sometimes it was stuff I had.
Before she got sick my parents had bought me this bean bag chair for my room that was probably more expensive now that I think about it and they gave it to her. When I brought home a treat from school they would ask/tell me to give it to my sister to cheer her up, and sometimes she would ask for it.
When I didn't bring something home for a while they would ask me if I ate it like it was some crime I committed. We went to see Santa for a few years after she was sick and I got a better cheap toy that we swapped because I couldn't have something a little nicer than her. Which meant I got stuck with a lot of jewelry making kids or sparkly pink stationary kits.
Last Christmas I got clothes while she got a new phone and switch skin. I turned 16 in June and I had saved to buy a gaming laptop. It was a lot of saving my wages and buying nothing but I really wanted it. My two best friends decided to forgo buying me something and gave me money to get it and they came with me to pick it up.
Last week my parents and sister were in the living room when I got home from school and my parents told me my sister wanted to play games with her friends, computer games. They said that, since I had a gaming laptop, I could just give it to her since it would make more sense than going out and buying a new one.
When I didn't answer right away they were like "oh well, of course you could always share it between you". And I lost it. I started yelling and cursing. I told them of course she should f^&king have it and why the f+_k not. I went into my room and took my clothes and said she should have all that too.
I said why not take my bed and give it to her as well. Then I pointed out how she had a new bed and my bed was 12 years old. I told them to take everything I own since she deserves it all and I don't deserve sh!t because I never got sick as a kid.
My sister didn't say a word and my parents were shocked but then they were pretty p!$$ed with me and asked me what the hell I was behaving like that for. Things have been... tense since. Though, I still have my laptop...AITA?
NTA. Your parents should have a done a better job making sure your needs weren’t completely on the back burner. I understand it couldn’t have been easy with your sister being so sick but meeting your needs was and is also important. I am sorry it went down the way it did. But you are absolutely in the right standing your ground.
It hurt that none of my extended family really cared either. When I was there it was so they could feed me and I would have an adult supervising but they weren't exactly loving and affectionate either and then I'd go home to parents who fussed over my sister while I was just... there.
Or I was asked to do chores and make sure my sister was okay. Then to have stuff taken from me and to see them buy her all kinds of nice stuff. It really messed with my head. I really hoped once she got better I could maybe get some of that interest too. But no.
NTA please sit down with them and spell it clearly to them this is your laptop only: you worked for it saved for it and forgone gifts from friends in order to afford it and No It isn't nor will it be shared. If your parents want a shared laptop they should buy one you both can use. Period.
And that as of now they need to change their attitude ASAP . Your sister is healthy and they were huge ah And negligent to you for more than enough years. Ask for therapy for everyone and tell the absolute truth there. Unload everything you felt /feel and lived. High time for them to realize how bad they are f@cking up.
NTA. Look up “glass children,” this is unfortunately a pretty common family dynamic, where the healthy sibling‘s needs are completely ignored or disregarded. I’m so sorry your parents are treating you like this. I would suggest sitting down with your parents or writing them a letter telling them exactly how their behavior has affected you, and permanently altered your relationship with both them and your sister.
I don’t know that they will change, but you’ll probably feel better getting it off your chest. Iif you plan to leave for college or trade school, I would start talking to other trusted family members or adults about your plans. Start looking into scholarships or apprenticeships or whatever you need to do to become independent, because you deserve to find happiness.
I could write a letter and just not give it to them. I already know they wouldn't read it. They'd maybe throw it in the trash or something or burn it and then that'd be it. At least I don't have to know that's happening if I just let it all out on paper and leave it alone then.
NTA, and I hope your parents come to their senses.
Thanks. I don't see it happening honestly. They've been like this for so long and I don't think they have the capacity to care anymore.
NTA. As a shadow sibling of a miracle sibling I understand this experience. You built up key skills like resilience and independence as a result of their neglect. Your sister has learned to take advantage of you based on the behaviour modeled after your parents.
it gets better, as soon as you move out it gets better. As soon as they realize you never call, it gets better. As soon as you create your own family, it gets better. You have learned to expect nothing. Create some physical and enotional distance for self preservation and keep moving forward.