I am a 43F currently serving in the Army for over 18years. I have three children 25F, 23M, 17M. Over the past few years my 23m son has been genuinely upset that I will not transfer my GI BILL to him. Those unfamiliar with the military, service members are able to transfer their education benefits to their spouse or children after serving a certain amount of time.
However, I accidentally exhausted my GI BILL. My daughter and oldest son never really showed interest in college, nor were my son's grades the best. Once my son moved out after high school, our communication was minimal.
Our relationship prior to him moving out was also strained. As a parent, I hope I am not the only one to say my son and I just did not get along and could never seem to connect as he got older and it got worse the older he got.
About two years after him going no contact, he messeged me, not to ask how we were doing or anything, but straight to the point that its my fault that he no longer qualifies for grants due to our incomes combined and to complain that I did not transfer my GI BILL to him.
I Informed him that I had exhausted it and that he is more than welcome to speak to a recruiter. He then said I should have set 50-100 aside each month to pay for his college.
At this point I call him entitled and told him I don't owe him anything once he moved out of my household. (Summarized conversation) We go no contact again for a little over a year and recently another messege straight to the point asking how I exhausted my GI BILL, again told him he can go see a recruiter about it.
Nonetheless this conversation still ended on that I should be responsible for his college. Let it be clear, before I joined the army I was a single parent having my first child very young, living in poverty making less that 11k a year.
I joined the army at 25, paying for college tuition out of pocket was never an option. I did the best I could as a parent and I know I would never win mother of the year. In both our conversations, I did apologize for the mistakes I made along the way, as it's clear they bother him.
But this conversation ended with him stating he does not view me as his mother and blocking me on everything. He made it clear to his sister that he does not view me as his mother and I am nothing more than an egg donor. It is time for me to update my life insurance and do a will and I am considering excluding him. WIBTAH?
"It is time for me to update my life insurance and do a will and I am considering excluding him."
Do it. He can't cut you out of his life and then demand that you give him something later. NTA He can't have it both ways.If he wants money for college, he can talk to a recruiter, get a loan, or pay his own way. Or get a scholarship, just like I did.
Edit: I'm not saying the OP is a saint. The OP could be a major AH. But that's not the question being asked. The question being asked is should the OP cut them out of their will IF the kid has cut the OP out of their life. That's it. That's what I answered. Keep your WhatAboutIsms on topic.
This and make sure to include in the will that he is intentionally excluded and follow legal advice to make sure it is done properly so he can’t contest your will. Most likely you will need a trust.
Like the people who specifically leave 1 dollar to a relative.
No. Please. Don’t do this. I’m an estate attorney and it just makes me crazy that this misinformation is out there. Giving someone a dollar or a small inheritance does not prevent them from challenging the will.
Feel like there’s some missing missing reasons here.
Yeah, people don't cut their parents out for no reason. Start digging and you usually uncover the rot.
I'll probably be down voted but here goes anyways. YTA. You admitted you were a bad parent, and you yourself said you were a "child raising a child" while it's within your right, to have as many children you want but once you realized the responsibility of having one child you should've at least spaced out the other two.
Again, it's your right to have to have children, but then don't go making excuses for your inability to pay for their upbringing. As a good parent, it was your duty to set aside some money for their education. And 23 and even 25 isn't considered old to go for education. And you're telling me if you loved your children you couldn't put away a few dollars for their education.
And holding a 23 yr old to his words, and that too a second time, that means he cut you off at 21? Yeah, there is definitely more more going on here than you're letting on.