'AITA for telling my DIL she wasn’t invited since she is an embarrassment at dinners?'
"AITA for telling my DIL she wasn’t invited since she is an embarrassment at dinners?"
My son is giving me a hard time about it, so I am writing here for different opinions. My son has been married for two years at this point. She and I get along as well as water and oil. I just keep my distance because I don’t like dealing with her.
She is a horrible picky eater. I don’t know why but truly I don’t care because she is a pain at restaurants. We try to go anywhere and we have to change places multiple times so she can have something to eat. She makes the waiters go through hoops so she will have something she likes and if anything is wrong she will bitch about it or pout in the corner.
Example: She got a quesadilla, with everything on it removed, and when it came out she sent it back because there was sour cream on the side. It wasn’t touching anything and she made a huge deal about her food being wrong. She doesn’t have allergies either.
What really made me dislike her is that she complained about the food at a funeral, they had a sandwich spread but she went on and on about how gross it was multiple times.
So, I had a dinner yesterday and I invited everyone but my sons wife ( son wasn’t invited either but he was on a business trip). My other DIL posted it online and I got a call from DIL. She was pi$$ed I didn’t invite her and she asked why. I told her it was due to her being an embarrassment at dinners and I won’t be inviting her anymore. She called me a jerk and hung up.
Now my son is livid with me and I am wondering if I should apologize or not. Also, I’m going to say it, it doesn’t matter if she has an eating disorder or is on the spectrum. Both those group know how to act at a funeral or restaurant. It may be harder but they can.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
INFO: Like you said, the relationship between your son and your wife is like oil and water. You claim it is because you do not want to deal with his wife. You explained her massive character flaws, but as for the exchange with your son, all you said was, "he is on my ass". There was no detail on how that exchange went. Does he justify his wife's behavior? If so - how? Did she have anything to say in her defense?
Purely based on your story, this is a clear NTA. That being said, you have written about her with pure disdain and started the story dismissive, with "My sons on my ass so I am writing here [...]" which implies, that you are already set in your view and don't really want "different opinions". You may disagree, but this is the impression I get from reading your post.
Therefore, INFO. Feels like there is more to this story. It would be interesting to hear, what your son and DIL had to say in their defense. Ultimately I tend to side with you, for the simple reason of her being obnoxious to waiters. Anyone who is treating service workers poorly is an AH by default.
MortgageTrick2436 OP responded:
He thinks I should be more welcoming to her and give her more grace, he does justify her behavior. Our personality’s do no mesh she is extremely dramatic and I get annoyed being around her for more than a few hours. The food is my main issue with her, even without that we wouldn’t be besties
Background-Ad8636
NTA why should you invite someone who will make you miserable.
Substantial-Air3395
I just could not deal with that nonsense. NTA.
This sounds awful. I guess technically Y T A for not inviting her to a family event, then again, she's clearly an obnoxious person and a pain to be around, so I get why you wanted to avoid that drama at your dinner table. Depending on how respectful you were in your explanation on why you didn't invite her, I'll go with NTA
MortgageTrick2436 OP responded:
Oh thanksgiving is going to suck, I really don’t want to host due to her.
agent23b
NTA, as someone who is also a picky eater there is no reason for acting that way. I go out of my way to look at menus before going anywhere. I find something I can eat and know how it will need to be modified before ordering.
I try to be as clear as possible when asking for modifications and if somehow it's messed up I'm apologetic with staff when asking for it to be fixed. I understand I'm the difficult one in the situation and try to minimize the trouble to staff that my texture and food aversions can cause.
gubbygoobyqt
NTA, if she is this picky, she can bring her own food to dinners or restaurants. I have empathy for people with food sensitivity and/or allergies, but her behavior is childish and disruptive, which you don’t have to put up with and frankly, your son should be embarrassed.
TheTr011l0ll3r
NTA she's acting like a 5 year old child who doesn't want to eat broccoli ? with cheese. But even then a 5 year old would still eat more than her. WTF does she even eat at home? A piece of white bread slapped in between two other pieces of white bread?
She has the most "just salt seasoning for my boiled chicken" type of appetite. She needs to grow up and actually eat something good rather than eat whatever bland wheaties stuff she has at home. And learn to not be a jerk in public, to waiters, or ruin other people's mood cause she's being all pouty.
Later OP came back with these edits:
Edit: I’m going to say it, it doesn’t matter if she has an eating disorder or is on the spectrum. Both those group know how to act at a funeral or restaurant. It may be harder but they can.
Edit2. So to make it clearer, I have three DIL and one SIL, we all have a good relationship besides this one DIL (3/4) it’s not me that’s the issue here. They don’t like her either
Also I find the threat of I better bend down to her or I won’t see her kids such a stupid threat. I’m already a grandma and if she withholds her kids then that’s on them and would be depriving the kids of grandparents on my son's side.