Family bonds shattered when man realizes brother 'stole' his girlfriend. + Update
"AITAH for still not forgiving my brother for sleeping with my girlfriend?"
Narrow_Ring_5943
I(26m) recently went to a family gathering for my dads 49th birthday. But before I get into that you need to know the backstory with me and my brother(23m) This event happened around 3 years ago. Back then, I was dating this girl that I will call C(25f).
C and I were high school sweethearts, she was my everything at the time and I thought I was hers. It was around thanksgiving time when I found out. I was shopping for deserts for thanksgiving after staying at a friends house since I was helping them move.
I came home and couldn't find C or her stuff. I tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail. I tried her location but it looked like she turned it off. I checked my front door cam and I saw my brother helping her move her things into his car and leaving with her.
I then tried to call my brother but he wouldn't answer either. At this point I started to freak out and assume the worst. But then I thought my brother would never do that to me.
He was honestly like my best friend when we were kids, and even though we drifted apart kind of when I went to college I still considered us best friends since we still talk and go out from time to time.
I then called my dad and had my dad tell my mom to call my brother and to put it on speaker mode. My brother answered and when my mom asked him where C was, he said “she’s living with me now, she broke up with OP”.
I felt numb and those words... I thought this was some type of sick joke so I checked his Facebook and Instagram and saw them holding each other and kissing and I broke down.
“Why was C doing this to me” was going through my head all night. But then I was angry. How could my own brother, my best friend do this to me? I drove up to his house and banged on his door, yelling and him to open up. But C was the one the open the door.
I wish I could say that I held it together, but I turned into a crying mess once I saw her. Then my brother came out from his kitchen and told C to go upstairs. That's when he told me that they were having an affair ever since my second year of college and apologized to me for it.
But then C just came back from the stairs and said that the whole reason why she left me the way she did was because she was “sick of pretending to love me”. I looked at her and realized that that wasn't the person I fell in love with. That was someone else.
I then wondered if this was still worth it. I then realized that it wasn't and walked out. I try to not be a problematic person and make a scene when I know what I do won't change the outcome of the situation. Don't get me wrong, I was beyond mad at her and my brother and so cut them out of my life on the spot.
Now back to the family gathering, I live in California now and is still single. The family gathering was all right until my brother and his wife walked in with a stroller. Apparently they got married and got busy.
I really don't care anymore. I been through enough therapy to know that I'm not the problem, SHE IS. My brother was trying to strike up a conversation with me but I ignored him went back to the conversation I was having with one of my aunts.
After a couple of hours I forgot they were even there. But when I was heading to the basement to get some more ice cream, my brother followed me and nearly gave me a heart attack.
He then awkwardly tried to apologize for what he did to me those 3 years ago and I walked past him. He didn't approach me again that night but the next day I had gotten multiple text from my mom telling me to just forgive my brother already. My mom and dad are heavy on the religious side and have already forgave my brother. But I can’t.
He's the entire reason why I have trust issues now. He knew how much she meant to me and still did what he did and expected me to just be okay with it. But I don't think I’ll forgive him ever in this life. AITAH???
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
Omega-Ben
Nta. You don't have a brother, you have a snake.
NogginNotionsNeverNo
2 of them who just so happened to breed.
Broad-Discipline2360
NTA. Dang. What they did to you was beyond cruel.
I would never ever forgive them.
jbuckets44
Tell your folks that you have forgiven your brother and sister-in-law (even if you haven't), but will still continue to ignore them because actions have consequences (just like in the Bible).
The OP responded here:
Narrow_Ring_5943
You genuinely might be on to something…
_A-Q
NTA- your smarmy brother doesn’t deserve forgiveness and your parents are AH’s as well for looking past their betrayal because A BAAABY! I’m glad you’re in a better place and dealing with your trust issues.
People like your parents’ other son and his wife will always try and find ways to justify their actions to absolve them of their guilt. Your parents other son trying to engage you in conversation to feel better about himself is an example. Either that or he was just trying to further rub things in your face. You should go no contact with the lot of them and find your new family OP.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
"AITAH for not forgiving my brother for sleeping with my girlfriend (UPDATE)"
Narrow_Ring_5943
First off before I start with the update, I just want to thank the people who responded to my post. Though some of you were very intent with me getting back at my brother with violence and to cut him off, I know your hearts were in the right place.
But I do wanna clear some stuff up. I wasn't trying to paint my parents as the bad guys in my last post. They actually forgave him a couple years before they even announced C was pregnant.
I also believe that nothing would have came from me beating my brother into a pulp besides me probably going to jail and causing rifts in the family. Now with that out of the way, let's get into the update. I sat my mom and dad down with my brother in my parents living room and finally told all of them how I felt. I told them that what my brother did was unforgivable.
Not the type of unforgivable that means I'll hate him for the rest of my life, but the type of unforgivable the means that I want utterly nothing to do with him because I don't want a relationship with someone who could sleep with a friends girlfriend behind his back much less his brother. That's not the type of person I want to be around.
My brother tried to make a rebuttal by saying that he changed and would never do it again. (He said it like he didn't marry and have the child of the girl I told him I wanted to marry.)
I then asked my parents how they were able to forgive him and they said that they were really disappointed in him for a while but when he got saved and started preaching they forgave him since he turned a new leaf.
I then asked would they still forgive him if they were in the same position as me and they said that they would've forgiven him eventually.(Which I don't believe at all). Anyway we just went back and forth for a while until my brother said that I shouldn't be holding grudges.
I then told him that he shouldn't be sleeping with other peoples girlfriends. He then looked at the ground and started to cry. My mom said that what I said is too harsh since he had already repented for his sins.
I then gave them the ultimatum most of you told me to do. That they could either accept the fact I want nothing to do with him and move on, or I would cut them off along with him and his family. My dad then said that I would die with regret if I don't forgive my brother.
I then asked if that was their final answer and my mom said fine. She said they will come to terms with me not wanting to be in my brothers life. I then asked my dad if that was how he felt too and he said yeah.
I then thanked them for their time, looked at my brother and told him that no matter what he does, there is nothing that he could to that could get me to spend time with him and told him to have a good life. I then walked out and drove to get some in and out and went to bed.
That whole conversation was really mentally and physically draining so I basically passed out a couple seconds after hitting my bed. The next day (Today) I decided to download some dating apps to try dating again to really move on from this whole situation.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Ok-Reply9552
You’re better than me,they would’ve been cut off immediately. But I’m glad you got what you needed.
Long-Masterpiece-613
What a mature way to handle that trainwreck. So proud of you. Now go get the best revenge by living your life. Best of luck OP.
BearsReallySuck
Your brother is a scumbag and no brother of yours. Stick to your boundary of never seeing him again, and cut off your parents too if they try to force you to meet him. And know that you've gained brothers in every guy who has ever been cheated on.
JuliaX1984
He actually said he'll never sleep with a girlfriend of yours again? How generous of him!
TagYoureItWitch
OP I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. Your parents and your brother never should have expected you to just get over it. You need to heal in your own time and if they couldn't accept that then doing what you did was the best course of action for you. Don't give up! You'll find the right partner!
OceanBreeze_123
You handled it well OP. You sat them all down together and told them exactly what you felt. Disappointed your parents felt his becoming a preacher meant his past actions are excused.
If he had “repented for his sins” he would never have married the gf. Onward to better women now! They far outnumber the ones your brother married. And btw, he may not plan on ever cheating again, but doesn’t mean she won’t…
Il-Separatio-86
I would end with, maybe you repented, maybe you really changed, but never forget that the person you married and have a child with cheated, with someone sibling. I wish you a long life always looking over your shoulder always wondering when she is going cheat on you. Plant that seed.
DeerBest3901
You did well, honey. I got emotional reading but it's probably cuz I'm on my period. But I'm REALLY proud of you. You kept your dignity. You are a great catch who will not descend into the hell of guilt and remorse that your brother will live in for the rest of his life. You are free. Get a pat on the back from this proud internet friend.