I (27f) have a 7 months old son with my husband. This might be a little early to be bothered by this but my SIL (husband's older sister) is determined to bring up around my child that they have a grandmother and uncle they are unlikely to ever meet.
My mom had a son who was 20/21 years older than me. I saw him a few times when I was young and we were around mom's extended family. She would try to introduce us and get us to interact.
The interactions I remember were "get it out of my face" (it being me) or when mom wasn't there and I did try to talk to him because I was encouraged to by others, he completely ignored me and walked away.
A few times he even looked directly at me so I knew he heard me before he walked away. Family members always said he had a rough life with mom, and that he was still upset she had cheated on his dad. And both were trainwrecks, etc.
I never knew my dad. All I know is my mom's son and I have different dads. Last time I saw him I was 12. The last time I saw my mom is when I was 18. I didn't want to be responsible for taking care of her. She was a heavy drinker and not a very good mother. It saddened me because none of the extended family were too great about it so I was truly alone.
I was lucky that my husband's family were all nice and accepting. But after I became pregnant SIL started asking questions about how I would introduce my son to my mom and her son.
I told her I wouldn't and he would be told more when he's old enough to understand. She was like "you have to at least try to introduce them" and I asked how I was supposed to put them in his life.
Someone who has very clearly shown even into his 30s that he wanted nothing to do with me and a woman who drinks so heavily her teenage child had to take care of her. My husband told her that she needs to stop and they fought about it on a couple of occasions.
Then Saturday we were at his parents house for a lunch with family members nobody had seen in years and SIL came up to me while I was holding my son and telling him, a baby, that he has an uncle and grandma on my side that he needs to meet. She was directing it at my baby son. I was glad he was a baby.
But it showed me how far she is willing to go with this. And what if he was older and able to understand? I told her to stop and walked away but she tried to say more so I told her she needs to keep her mouth shut about that around my child or stay away from us because I will not let her interfere with something that is none of her concern.
She told me she has every right to speak to her nephew. She got so loud it altered others in the other room and my husband told her she was wrong as well. But she claimed I could have been more polite and not made a scene in front of the rest of the family. AITA?
NTA Your sister in law needs to stop badgering you about a decision you and your husband have made you feel is in the best interests of your child. Your mother has a drinking problem and her son is a stranger.
When your child is older and questions you about your relatives, you can explain the situation in an age appropriate manner. You wouldn't have caused a "scene" and "embarrassed" your sister in law if she didn't meddle, again.
NTA. It’s really important that your husband is on your side and will shut this nonsense down. Your mom and brother were abusive. Neglect is abuse. Tell SIL in no uncertain terms that due to their abuse, these people are dead to you.
They do not exist in any meaningful way. Tell her there is no discussion and if she brings up these fictional people, you and child will leave immediately. There is no discussion. Then follow through.
SIL isn’t going to stop. She’s made multiple attempts of telling OP how to raise OPs child. Even her own brother told her to drop it. And then the biggest red flag of all is the “I have every right to talk to my nephew.”
Ummm excuse me?! she has been given a privilege to interact with her nephew. It is absolutely not an obligation for the parents to make nephew available for someone purposefully going against their wishes. I would go LC or NC until she gets her head on straight.
This! NTA. SIL can be "polite" and keep her trap shut. This does not concern her. If she would like to remain in her nephew's life, she needs to drop it. OP is no contact for a reason. And none of it needs to be explained.
You and your husband need to make it clear that you are estranged from your mother and brother, and throwing one loudmouth and intrusive SIL into the no contact pile of crappy kinfolk would be well within your abilities. You didn’t make a scene. She made a scene. NTA.
NTA, she knew it was a sensitive topic for you, so she assumed the risk when she brought it up. She has no right to usurp your decisions on this as your child’s mother, especially since she has never even met the people at issue. You’re right to continue to enforce your decision.