Older sister complains about 'favoritism,' mom points out, 'you kept her inheritance.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my daughter if she pays for her sister's college then I will stop 'favoring' her with my money?"
Plenty_Spot_9191
I will try to make this as clear as possible. My mother had a fund that was suppose to be for both of the grandchildren. She told me multiple times it was for both of the kids. She also informed the girls that they have money.
She passed away unexpectedly. My oldest name (Shelly) was the only one on the fund and it is legally hers. She didn’t share it with her sister (Grace) and she has a huge head start in life with it.
Due to this money, she has been able to go to college debt free and is going to buy a house soon. My husband and I have been scrambling to give as much money as possible to Grace since she really got screwed over.
Even with all our help she still needs to take out student loans. Grace is working while in college and she found a student job that gives free housing. The issue is that she needs a car for it.
So my husband and I are going to buy her a car because turning down this job will result in a ton of extra debt for her. Shelly found out about us getting the car and is outraged.
She is upset with us favoring Grace and that she never got a car from us. I pointed out she doesn’t need help financially at all. We argued for a while and I had enough. I told her that if she pays for her sisters college then I will stop favoring her sister with my money. She called me a jerk, and isn’t responding.
Edit: According to my mothers partner, she had the money together in order to build it up more and was going to split it when my oldest went to college. She died before that. They are full sisters, same parents.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
LeananSi
NTA. Your older daughter was very selfish to not split the money knowing it was what her grandmother wanted. It's one thing to keep an inheritance your family member fully intended to be just for you without sharing, but this feels very wrong.
I think that, at least until you have given half that amount to your younger daughter, it is entirely fair. I would be pretty disappointed in her and it would be hard to forgive, to be honest. I can't imagine this isn't going to destroy a lot of relationships in the family.
Plenty_Spot_9191
We will never be able to give Grace half the amount. It would be around 200k-230k, it won’t happen. Maybe when we die but we probably have 40 years left for us, since we had our kids young.
LeananSi
Definitely NTA for trying to help your younger daughter in this situation. That's a huge head start for the older daughter and I'm honestly shocked by the unmitigated gall she has to complain about not getting more vs her sister over the car.
I would just tell her that until she gives her sister that half of the money that her grandmother intended her to have, you won't be entertaining any complaints about how you spend your money. If she can spend what's legally her's without any thought to anyone else, then why does anyone need to consider her with how they spend their own money?
buttpickles99
Info: how much money are we talking about? A few hundred thousand is not enough to ruin your relationships with your family. Is it more than that?
NTA - either way, you are supporting the child who needs more help because the eldest stole the money that was meant to be for both of them. If she is willing to sell her relationships with you and her sister for some money she is not a good person.
The OP responded here:
Plenty_Spot_9191
She got almost half a million, yeah it ruined a lot of things. She showed us that she cares more about money than her family. Both girls would have been able to start life with no debt and now one is having to bust her ass and still has debt.
Hausgod29
Half a million! How have you not disowned/disinherited your daughter? I'd be more proud of a child with a drug addiction and stable job than a rich no contact daughter who'd sell her soul and sisters future for luxury in a family that clearly isn't destitute.
BrewertonFats
NTA. Shelly understood her grandmother's intentions but took advantage of the situation to claim the entirety of the funds that were to be split between them. Her actions were incredibly greedy and self-centered.
Now you and your spouse are in the position of basically making up for the slack brought about by Shelly's selfishness. Unfortunately, Shelly only has money on the mind, and seems convinced that her family is only good so long as they're funding her. In her head, she's the victim even as she's sitting debt free thanks to basically stealing from her younger sister.