Woman donates hair to children's cancer instead of giving it to balding stepmom. AITA?
"AITA for not giving my stepmother my hair?"
Pinch_Of_Ginger
I (29f) have been growing my hair out since before the pandemic and managed to grow it out to halfway down my butt. I've never dyed my hair and I rarely style or blow-dry it so it's very healthy. My natural color is a very uncommon red, I've been told my whole life that it's almost impossible to recreate. It's not an uncommon thing for people to tell me they want my hair.
2 weeks ago I finally decided I wanted to cut it short and donate it to Angel Hair For Kids, a company that makes wigs for children fighting cancer and other illnesses. I told my dad I was doing this and when I was doing it and he thought it was a great idea.
I ended up cutting off 16 inches and have honestly never felt more like myself with my new haircut. I feel like I finally recognize myself again and for the first time in years feel good about myself.
Cut to that same night. I had sent my dad a picture of my chopped off hair at the salon followed by the haircut pics. About an hour later I received a text from my stepmother (71f) who we'll call Jane. She asked if I would consider giving her the hair so she could have it sent out to make a wig for herself.
Jane and I have had a very rocky relationship in the past. For 2 years in high school I didn't speak to her or my dad because of an issue that she had caused and never apologized for. We've since moved on and have a better relationship now.
She has dealt with major health issues as long as I've known her and within the past 2 years has lost nearly all of her hair. She recently bought 2-3 wigs that look amazing on her. Every time we discussed the wigs she would joke that I should give her my hair since I had so much of it. Well it turns out that I misunderstood and she wasn't actually joking.
When Jane asked me for my hair I had already sent it away for donation, which I told her. She didn't say anything about it after that, just asked me for more picture of my haircut which I sent. In all honesty the idea of giving her my hair feels quite weird to me.
I imagine showing up to Christmas to see her wearing my hair and it brings up weird emotions about my previous relationship with her when I was younger and she was more controlling.
When I saw my dad the following Monday he almost immediately brought up the fact that I had "donated it elsewhere" instead of giving it to Jane. I asked if she was upset about it and my dad told me that she was, and that he was also disappointed that I didn't think of her first.
It's caused some tension between us and has made me uncomfortable, but it's also really put a damper on the whole experience of doing something good and finally feeling good about myself. I feel like I've done something wrong and selfish now. AITA here?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
lemonmoister
NTA
For many reasons:
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The hair is donated to children with cancer which is way more important than some 71-year old having a nice wig.
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She already has multiple ones, for what reason does she need another one. She can obviously affords wigs, the children with cancer probably can’t.
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You don’t seem to like your stepmom, so don’t give her the hair, because then you are doing what you want to do deeply inside.
BulbasaurRanch
NTA. Cancer children > old woman who already owns multiple wigs, and plus it seems ridiculous that a woman in her 70’s would have your hair colour. You did a very nice thing, and step mother tried to taint it with guilt.
AliceInWeirdoland
NTA. I’ve donated multiple times before and they actually can’t just use one donation to make a whole wig. They wait for several that match and then do it. So giving her your hair would not give her enough to make a wig, but an org that has donations coming in from all over will be able to colormatch your hair and make one. Plus, she’s already got several. She’s doing fine.
Fabulous-Refuse138
NTA
"he was also disappointed that I didn't think of her first"
You can tell him you're also disappointed that he didn't speak to you for 2 years because of his wife.
"I asked if she was upset about it and my dad told me that she was"
Tell him you're also upset at all the pain she caused you.
Pirahnagoat1
NTA, I think it is a bit creepy, her Dad wants his wife to wear his daughter’s hair. Her unique hair characteristics make it even odder. Not quite Buffalo Bill but still very odd.
mdthomas
It's your hair. It's part of your body and your choice.
NTA.
Inevitable-Divide933
I have donated hair before for children with cancer. I would much rather do that than give to someone to appease their vanity. You did the right thing and should feel good about it. Poo on your dad and stepmom for making this about her.