GF tells man it's 'creepy' that he hugs his brother, 'don't do it anymore.' AITA?
Some people are just more affectionate than others but this is pretty extreme.
One man was very surprised when his wife brought up her issue with his intimacy. Not with her, but with his brother. She says its 'creepy' and 'makes her uncomfortable' when they hug. She told him she does not want him to ever do it in front of her again. Now, he's wondering if he's the weird one or if he should be concerned with her trouble with expressions of love.
'AITA for hugging my brother in front of my wife, despite knowing that makes my wife uncomfortable?'
I ask this because I know I have a skewed perspective on this. My family has always been more physically affectionate than most. My siblings and I were always hugging, holding hands, and cuddling with each other and our parents until we moved out.
This was never weird for us, it's just the way we were raised, and I've never seen anything wrong with that.
My wife is an only child, and she and her parents are the exact opposites. To this day I've never seen her parents so much as smile at each other, which is fine, different strokes and all that I don't judge.
It did lead to some conversations early in our relationship though. I had to basically explain to her when she first met my parents years ago, that no, I didn't find it weird that they showed any amount of affection in front of us.
She and my family get along great, they know her boundaries and how she doesn't like to be touched by most people, and always respected that. The issue is she once told me that she doesn't like when I'm affectionate with my family in front of her.
She's not jealous or anything like that, it's just because of how she's raised, she has trouble separating physical affection from romance.
Anyway my brother lives a bit of a drive away, and he came to visit for the first time in a few months. My wife got home a bit after he came over, we all caught up and that was that. Then when he left I gave him a hug goodbye, thought nothing of that until I saw my wife's face. She looked freaked out.
I asked what was up, and she reiterated that she wishes I wouldn't do that around her. She explained that if she had a sister, it would be like me watching them kiss on the lips. I told her I'm sorry that she has that thought process, but she needs to work that out on her own. I don't think I should have to stop doing something normal because it makes her uncomfortable.
She says I'm biased because of how I was raised as well, and that my parents were a little too clingy with me. I understand the way I grew up was unusual, and maybe I am letting that cloud my judgment.
Here were the top comments from readers:
NTA, hugging is normal. Everyone I know hugs all the time, friends, family, spouses. It's weird to make hugging unto some kind of antisocial behavior. GF needs therapy.
Just to add: you not wanting to be hugged is obviously 100% fine and normal also. But policing OTHER people from hugging is obviously not ok.
Especially if you are considering kids at some point. Is that the type of worldview you want to pass on to them? That there is no affection beyond romantic affection? What a sad way to grow up.
My parents never hugged me. Which is why I constantly hug my children and tell them I love them because it was HARD learning to accept physical contact.
I still remember being 11 or so and a friend went to hug me and I kind of ninja twisted myself out of her reach. Everyone looked at me like I was an alien. Even now at nearly 40 I really struggle with physical touch outside of my closest friends and family.
'The issue is she once told me that she doesn't like when I'm affectionate with my family in front of her. She's not jealous or anything like that, it's just because of how she's raised, she has trouble separating physical affection from romance.'
Yeah, that's a sign she needs therapy, not that you need to stop doing normal every day human things because seeing it upsets her.
I feel for her, that she is dealing with the on-going impact of her upbringing, but she needs to actually deal with it rather than insist on her way being ok. Plus what happens if you have kids, will you not be allowed hug them? NTA
So when you hug your brother, whom you hadn't seen in a while, instead of being happy for you to see your brother, her thoughts immediately alert her that you are unfaithful and that an inappropriate incestuous sexual relation is going on????
I told her I'm sorry that she has that thought process, but she needs to work that out on her own. I don't think I should have to stop doing something normal because it makes her uncomfortable.
You are right. But instead of letting her work that out on her own, she might want to talk to a professional. What if you start raising a family? Your kids won't ever be hugged? NTA