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In-laws cross personal boundary, try to sneak a 16 day visit with son and wife. AITA?

In-laws cross personal boundary, try to sneak a 16 day visit with son and wife. AITA?

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"AITAH for not being ok with my in laws staying 6 days longer than we invited them for?"

Ok-Surround-863

My husband’s parents asked if they could spend Christmas with us. We said yes and that we are comfortable with 10 days, preferably December 20th through December 30th. I know flights can get expensive, they are flying in from out of state, so we said if they find better priced flights that we could find some wiggle room but they needed to run it by us first.

Well three weeks after we said to come for 10 days at Christmas, my FIL said they are coming for 16 days! I’m not happy. I thought 10 days was even a little long and originally suggested 7 but now they just told us they are staying 16!

For context, I get along ok with my in laws. My MIL has a mild case of histrionic personality disorder which makes things interesting and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. She used to decorate my house with stuff she bought at the dollar store and Goodwill. I think she doesn’t like her own home and just thinks it’s fun to decorate mine.

I don’t think she is trying to be disrespectful. One time she went through my night stand and put all my husband’s condoms in zip lock baggies. When I express how this is awkward and uncomfortable she says she was just trying to do a nice thing.

I have many stories like this that show a general lack of discretion or understanding even the most basic of boundaries like going through my nightstand. It was humiliating to think that my MIL saw our private and intimate husband and wife things. I just never would have thought I’d need to explain that you shouldn’t do that.

My husband’s parents fight almost constantly. This is not an exaggeration. There have been times that I have to get my children outside and away from all the fighting because it gets scary for them. It’s been a big problem and even got to the point that we would have them come out individually so we could enjoy them without all the contention.

I know that’s a lot of background info that I think gives an idea of the type of in laws I have. Because our house is large they think that they are not in our way. They offered to get an airbnb on the 6 days extra, but then said they can’t afford it.

My husband goes back to work after New Years, and my older kids go back to school and I have my three year old and 11 month old with me. I am fine leaving my kids alone with them for a few hours. They don’t do well with young kids for an extended period of time.

I was happy to have them during the holidays but now it’s becoming not as exciting. They are very demanding house guests, for example we HAVE to go to McDonalds, 13 miles away, every day to go get my MIL’s special coke because I guess McDonalds uses twice filtered water. Sometimes she asks to go twice a day just to get out of the house.

It’s annoying because we have to plan our day around when we can go get her the special soda. One time when she was visiting and gas was $5/gallon she went to McDonald’s 6 times in 2 days and I finally asked my husband to say something. It gets expensive! They are getting older, late 60’s, so I understand that young kids are taxing so they can babysit for 4 hours at a time before they need a break.

We have looked for other flight paths and they don’t have the money to pay for them. I’m just upset that they extended their stay without asking first and now we even have to figure all this out. I know it’s a first world problem, but stuff like this always seems to happen with them and I’m sick of it.

I wish I could be gone all day but I have 4 kids including a baby and toddler and I have a lot of stuff that needs to get done. My husband may be able to take some more time off but we had set aside some of that PTO to be used for us to go on a family vacation. They usually come three times a year and stay 7-10 days. We visit them once a year at their home.

I suggested to my husband to just cancel and have them come out another time and he said that while he knows it was rude, he feels bad telling them they can’t come. We got in a fight and he said he’d do it but that if something bad happens to his parents, like death, he will always regret not spending time with them at Christmas. He says it would be nice if I could just have a good attitude about this.

I have a wonderful husband. We are best friends and I respect him, but because his parents are so strange sometimes, it creates a lot of conflict. We have had a lot of wonderful memories made with his parents too and they can be good to be around.

That is why I was all for them coming this year. I just feel like it’s rude to come almost a whole week longer than we said was good for us. His parents are mad at me for suggesting they come another time.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

Ok_Leg_6429

Your husband needs to take PTO during the extra 6 days, so he can babysit his parents. He can't treat HIS Parents like it is Your Personal Problem. Then you can leave the house most if the day; volunteer at kids school, hang out at library, spa day, movie. NTA. During the first ten days it is OK if you take the kids and disappear for hours at a time and do kid stuff. Leave hubby with his Folks.

Cricket705

Exactly and "if something bad happens to his parents, like death" he will be glad he spent those 6 extra days with them. Use his own argument against him.

ParticularAd1735

NTA. Don’t walk on eggshells around them. If MIL gets histrionic, so be it. Let it roll off your back and don’t take it personally. It’ll drive her crazy. If MIL and FIL fight in front of the kids, demand that they take the fight elsewhere. Firm boundaries. They’ll either shape up or leave.

swaggyboi1991

NTA. I know your husband feels bad, but his parents are deliberately overstaying and can accept the consequence of things getting canceled because of them.

ParticularAd1735

NTA. Don’t walk on eggshells around them. If MIL gets histrionic, so be it. Let it roll off your back and don’t take it personally. It’ll drive her crazy. If MIL and FIL fight in front of the kids, demand that they take the fight elsewhere. Firm boundaries. They’ll either shape up or leave.

Has anyone ever had to deal with a family dynamic like this? Is there any advice you would give to the OP?

Sources: Reddit
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