I think I’m being reasonable here but my daughter-in-law’s family thinks I’m being an a-hole. I need other opinions. As background, my 36 year old son is married to Mary (36). Mary has an older sister, Susan. Susan is the golden child and the family has always viewed Mary as “less than.”
When my son was ready to propose, he followed Mary’s wishes and asked her father for permission. Her father said yes but pointed out that there was a family tradition that had to be followed.
Traditionally, the grandmother gave her wedding and engagement rings to the first granddaughter to be married. Her grandma was in Florida for the winter so he would have to wait until Grandma came back to propose. He wasn’t happy but agreed. Susan found out. She pushed her boyfriend into getting engaged and let her grandma know.
Mary’s mom and Grandma told Mary that Susan would be getting Grandma’s engagement ring but. Since Mary’s boyfriend had asked first, they would compromise and let Mary have the wedding ring. Both girls get married and eventually, Susan has 2 daughters (now 7 & 3) and Mary has my now one year old granddaughter.
Here’s the question: At my granddaughter’s first birthday party, Susan brings up the family tradition and explains that her daughters will split her mom’s rings like she and Mary did with their grandmother’s. Then she laments how terrible it is that my wedding set isn’t diamonds because now my granddaughter will be “forced” to have my “cheap rings.”
While my rings are not diamonds, they are far from cheap. However, that’s not my family’s tradition. While my granddaughter will eventually inherit my jewelry, I will not be giving up my rings before I die. I explained this and then said there was actually a much better alternative.
My granddaughter could have MY grandmother’s wedding set if she wanted it. I was actually wearing them on my right hand so I showed them to Susan and her mother. They both asked if those were “real” since I don’t actually wear diamonds much. I assured them that these were real diamonds. It is a very valuable set. Chaos ensued.
Susan and her mom think I was rude for mentioning that my granddaughter will eventually inherit much more expensive diamonds than Susan’s daughters will. They think it’s unfair that they will have to split a set while my granddaughter will get the whole set and a more expensive set.
(For the record, I am very unlikely to ever have another grandchild.) If my granddaughter was to get such a valuable gift, they think I should never have mentioned it because it will make Susan’s girls jealous. I maintain I didn’t bring it up. I only said something when Susan got pushy.
Oof these people are insufferable. NTA. Lock up your valuables and limit contact. Don’t accept any food or drinks from them either.
NTA. Honestly, a little surprised Susan didn't demand the rings for her kids.
Honestly I'd want nothing to do with the rings or them! They treat her like shit but she puts up with them. Blood is thick and it's hard to get the stain out but it can be done!
NTAH What a miserable family your son married into.
NTA. If Susan didn’t want her daughters having to split the ring set she should have stopped at one. Susan chose to ask the question. It’s not your fault she didn’t like the answer.
I vomited 43 times while reading this. These people are gross and petty and shallow, and honestly, I have a hard time believing anyone actually thinks this way. Who gives a fVVk who gets what or who gets jealous. All of this is so meaningless.
Start a new tradition of your own where you slap them in the mouth every time they bring up this horse sh!+. Give your grandkid whatever you want & give no sh!+s how anyone else feels about it. NTA.
I like you. You’re good people. You could have said 45 times but you showed restraint and went with 43. I agree with everything you said. I despise these stupid family traditions.
I approve this new tradition! It seems like an excellent idea.
Hahahahaha I totally went into reading this expecting to say you were TA. Oh you handled that perfectly!! Totally took that materialistic harpy down a peg or two! I hope you get on with your daughter-in-law because something tells me she could use the support and love. I feel she has probably had to play second fiddle to Susan her entire life. NTA - Well played!
I love her as much as if I gave birth to her.