My mother was my world. I remember reading books, watching documentaries, and going on road trips with her. She baked my sister and I cookies whenever we were sick. Her and dad would take us hiking every other week.
I still miss her even now. When I was eleven years old, she passed away from a driving accident. It was the hardest year in my life, and it hasn’t gotten easier.
Two years after she passed, my father started dating a woman named Nicole, and four years later, they’re getting married. Nicole is younger than my father. After dating Nicole, I saw my father come back into his shell, but it turned into something else. Nicole brought adventure back into his life, but they often went on elaborate trips and frequent night outs.
During all of this, I felt neglected. My father slowly stopped taking my sister and I on our weekly hikes. He started speaking less and less over calls, and he even once forgot my mother’s birthday. After she came into our lives, I started losing my father. He just wasn’t there anymore.
One time, when my sister and I were home alone, she fell down the stairs and got a huge cut on her forehead. It was clear she needed stitches, so I called my father immediately. Nicole answered the phone and I told her to give the phone to my father. She refused, saying he was busy and before I could get another word in, she disconnected the call.
I embarrassingly had to ask the neighbor to bring us to urgent care where my dad later met us. This woman at one point removed my mother’s picture from the fire mantle to put up a picture of her and my dad from their trip to Washington. The thing that tipped me over was when she made my father forget about my mother’s birthday.
Every year, my sister and I go with our father to visit my mother on her birthday. It was an annual tradition even before Nicole entered our lives. Nicole and my father went on a trip to Florida and were supposed to be back three days before my mother’s birthday.
But, because this woman is motion sick, my father decided to break the drive back into small intervals to make it easier on her. Because of this, he ended up missing our annual trip. He didn’t even call us.
Not even a week later, my father has the nerve to tell us about an “exciting surprise”...Nicole is pregnant. I get angry and tell my father “you need to knock her up when you can’t even be here for us”. I then look at Nicole and tell her she is a disgusting piece of trash and to get out of our lives.
My father gets angry and yells at me to go up to my room. Later, my grandpa unexpectedly came over to pick me up. My father didn’t text me. Even as I left, he wouldn’t even look at me. It’s been two days, and I’m still at my grandparent's home. I feel ashamed for saying what I said, yet I don’t feel overwhelming regret. AITA?
NTA. Nicole showed her colors when your sister was injured and she wouldn't let you talk to your dad. And he has showed his colors, too, in many different ways. I hope your grandparents can continue to be there for you. You didn't say your age, but I hope you can be free of all this soon (i.e., be 18). You were harsh and rude...but I can't fault you given what you've shared.
I appreciate it. I'm 17, and I've spoken to school counselors too. No one is willing to help me. I've tried talking with my dad about how I feel way before my outburst, but it always ends with "it happened years ago. it's time to move on". I don't even know what that means. My sister can't get help either, so I'm trying to peacefully exist for her.
NTA. I’m so sorry, OP. I don’t even know where to start. You are categorically not the AH. Nicole is a huge one but your dad wins by a mile. You and your sister should be his top priority, not the afterthought he’s currently treating you as. What happened at the hospital? Did you or your sister tell the nurse that you were home alone and that your father wouldn’t come to the phone?
My neighbor came with us inside the urgent care, but while driving us there, he called my dad and he picked up. My dad said he'll be there in 15-20 min which he was. I'm scared of saying anything that could get him in trouble, so I made something up like she got hurt while playing outside.
In the past, I mentioned something to a school counselor and a police officer visited our home. My dad got pretty angry, so I try to avoid those situations. Hopefully this gives some context.
Sweet girl, my heart is breaking for you and your sister. I’m a 43 year old mom of 2 and my husband was killed in a car accident in 2021. Our kids were 6 & 7 at the time. I have struggled with losing him-we were together since 17-and even now can’t imagine moving on.
My children are the center of my world. We have cried, grieved, and talked about memories of him together. We got each other through. I wish I could give you and your sister a giant hug.
You could tell me all about your mom, and I would share stories of my husband. Grief should be shared so you know you’ve got support and you’re not alone. I’m so sorry and hope things will be better soon.
Thank you....this means a lot, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I used to tell stories about mom as bedtime stories for my sister. It always made us feel she was still here. One that I remember from the top of my head is about our farm...My mom grew up on a farm, and after my grandma passed away, she inherited it.
Since I was five, we visited the farm, and she taught me how to catch turkeys. It was hilarious. She would make turkey noises and the turkeys would approach her. Then, she would scoop them up. The turkeys always looked spooked haha I still remember...I think I was 7, I was making weird turkey noises, but all the turkeys seemed scared off me.
So, I just start chasing them down until tripped over a brine bucket and got mud all over my face. My mom then took the hose and sprayed me down and we had a mini water fight. My grandpa was mad about the mess but it didn't matter:)
OP, I am so sorry you two children are neglected. NTA a hundred times! Ask your grandparents to get your mother's heirlooms out of the house, and i really hope you can lean on your grandparents and stay with them. Tell them of this neglect. Also, check that your mother's legacy (inheritance) is not stolen from you.
Your father is not a good parent or a person. He has abandoned you when you have lost your mother, and would deserve special love and care. Hope you can go to counseling for emotional support.
Work on your school, cling to your sibling and grandparents, and any aunts/uncles if you have any. Lean on friends. Good luck OP! Your feelings are very justified, you are not AH here.