Daughter drops out of college, blows fund on lavish apartment, stepdad takes her in. AITA?
Dad vs Stepdad
One father was livid when he found out his daughter had secretly dropped out of college and was living a lavish lifestyle with the money he had saved for her education. We searched the internet for an update and found a very surprising rebutal from the daughter's stepfather. Now, they both want to know who is the better parent.
'AITA refusing to pay for my daughter's college because she lied to me'
throwaway_aita5954
My wife and I have a 20 year old daughter, Cassie. She started college a couple of years ago, majoring in accounting. I never told Cassie college is the only option or to study a specific subject.
I wanted her to have some sort of plan (whether it be college, trade school etc) so she can have a good start in terms of career prospects, especially in the current job market. She decided to study accounting.
She lives in student housing which I visited when she first went to college. I did want to visit her again, but she told me they had a new rule that non-students weren't allowed to visit the student housing area. I trusted her so I believed it.
We didn't have a traditional college fund, more so that I'd give her the money on a monthly basis which she was supposed to be using to pay for her courses, housing and materials. I know a lot of people will think this was a stupid move on my part which I understand, but I did the same with my older daughter and it worked out fine.
Not long ago I was at a party where my friend and his family also came. His daughter is friends with my daughter and she let slip that Cassie recently moved into a new apartment.
I was shocked, and later found out she'd dropped out of college after the first semester, and using the college money to buy expensive things and fund her lifestyle.
Sh*t hit the fan after that reveal and I told Cassie I was really disappointed in what she did, and I can't trust her. She cried and said she didn't know better and now realizes what she did was stupid.
I'm going to be stopping the college money, but she replied she wants to go back for real and have a fresh start. I replied she can take out student loans like most others. I won't be paying anymore.
Cassie is really upset and refusing to talk to me, my wife isn't onboard with this either and is telling me Cassie made a mistake, and I can just make the payments directly to the school from now.
I told them both getting her college paid for was a privilege that she's now lost, if she wants to go back and really show me she cares, I might consider paying for it later. Many students don't have any financial help from their families and get through fine.
I've got a couple of people telling me I'm being really harsh and this is going to ruin her education even more.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
The_Amazing_Username
NTA- this a full on betrayal, you paid for 2 years and she dropped out after the first semester… best case scenario she takes out loans and whatever else is needed to get back into college then maintains her grades while supporting herself for 2 years before you should even consider helping her financially. Don’t let anyone talk you into paying her way till that has happened…
BeauseISaidSo
THIS!!! Definitely NTA. Her putting in the effort of paying her own way for the same amount of time her parents did would really show her commitment to college. If OP pays her way it basically excuses her deceit. Trust is earned and she now needs to demonstrate that she can be trusted.
Turbulent_Ebb5669
NTA. Some have to learn the lesson about being responsible the hard way. This will help her more than her education.
Shnipi
NTA. She wasted a lot of money by purpose not a mistake. If you keep on paying it shows only that liars and betrayers are right in what they are doing and the hardworking ones are 'the stupid'
She wanted to be an accountant?!? With the 'right' bosses and her brain twist it could be successful 😎 by keeping black books...
Percivus-B-Pig
Absolutely NTA and your offer to possibly pay again in the future is spot on. Cassie’s excuse she didn’t know better is ridiculous. She lied about visitors to hide her deception and has in effect been stealing from you since she dropped out.
You’re absolutely right, many, if not most kids, work and take out loans to pay for college. Cassie had the golden goose and made the conscious decision to choose deceit over her education.
I’m sorry your wife isn’t on board with this tough life lesson and wish you luck staying firm with your decision. Hopefully a good dose of reality will help Cassie learn to take responsibility for her actions.
Two months later, we stumbled upon a post from the daughter's stepfather. He is now taking her in and her dad is livid.
'AITA for letting my ex wife's stepdaughter move in with me.'
This_Cranberry_5745
My ex and I divorced about 12 years ago. We have a 15 year old son together. She married a guy a couple of years later. He has a daughter who is four years older than my son. So my son has known her for about ten years. She has always been nice to him and there has never been any serious arguments between them.
My ex and her husband live about an hour and a half from town. So when she got into college they decided they didn't want her commuting three hours a day, especially in Manitoba winters. So they budgeted for her to live with friends while she was in school.
I have known the girl since she was 7 years old. She is an intelligent, charming, and friendly kid. She is also burnt out from school.
I am not going to defend her actions. She lied to my ex and her father about dropping out of college. She did her first semester but she was overwhelmed and dropped out. And she didn't tell them. But she kept the money they sent her for housing and food.
She should not have lied but I understand why she did. They cut off her funding and told her to get a job. Which is totally fair. If you aren't in school you should be supporting yourself.
She had enough money to make it to July. She found a job but it didn't pay enough to cover living in the city. Her dad and my ex would not let her move home.
My son called me to ask if I could help her out. I thought about it and I said I would. I have room in my house. So I told him to have her call me.
We talked about it and she moved in at the beginning of August. She is paying rent she can afford and buying her own food. She is also doing chores around the house.
My ex found out what I did and lost it on me. Their plan was for her to be so desperate that she agreed to go back to college with them keeping a much closer eye on her. I screwed everything up by not letting her become homeless in Winnipeg.
Her husband is p*ssed off with me for interfering with a kid that I'm not related to. I can understand where they are coming from but I think they are not doing the right thing. I just want my son to know she is in a safe place. I also think she will go back to school once she figures out how much it sucks only having a high school diploma.
I didn't know where to add this but before any of you start calling me a pervert or anything, please know that to the best of my knowledge she isn't into people with a Y chromosome. And I'm not into girls young enough to be my daughter.
EDIT
I knew I forgot something. Her mom and dad's family are all in Alberta. And she doesn't want to move there.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Technical_Lawbster
NTA. She's not a child. She's an adult (no age given, but the be in college for a semester, she is at least 18). As an adult, she found a living situation that is safe and economical. She is, in fact, your flatmate. Just like she was supposed to be with some random strangers in campus. You're setting a great example for her and your kid.
Joubachi
NTA big time... she is burnt out in her late teens and someone calls you an ah for helping her?! Wow.
'Their plan was for her to be so desperate that she agreed.'
As someone with mental health issues who also overworked themselves and had to drop out of uni: your ex makes me really angry, I cannot understand why any parent would let this knowingly happen and even make it worse. That's just cruel. You potentially saved her from stuff like depression or other struggles. She must have her reasons that she lied to them...
WaywardWytch00
NTA NTA NTA NTA - First of all, hello fellow Manitoban!! The ones saying Y T A are completely incorrect and have no idea what they are talking about - ignore them. You and I both know what Winnipeg is like - it’s scary and it’s dangerous. I actually moved out to Brandon because I was sick of Winnipegs BS.
Your ex and her partner are some of the stupidest people I’ve come across yet… woman go missing here all the time. I carry pepper spray just to go to the mall. They seem to want to risk their daughter’s life to prove some kind of point instead of being parents. What you’re doing is amazing and selfless. Keep being awesome, you’re the definition of “Friendly Manitoba”. I’m proud of you.
Bananas4skail
They didn't clue you in, so whats done is done. I do think it's funny that her dad and your ex didn't think your son was caring or smart enough to try to figure out how to help his sis. Kudos to him for trusting and asking you.
College isn't for everyone, yes she should have told them, but from their attitude, it seemed she knew it would be futile. NTA.
Humble_Pen_7216
NTA. She's an adult and you have done nothing more than provide a housing option in a housing crisis. Her parents sound absolutely horrible - wanting your child to become homeless to better control them is next level sh*tty parenting.