Man tells in-laws to keep their 'spoiled' children in check before they get hurt. AITA?
"AITA for telling my SIL and BIL to actually parent their child when he acts out?"
Electronic-Whole5534
My (41m) SIL (33f) has two sons (an almost 4 years and a 1.5 years old) and lives another state. I live with my wife (36f) in a different state, and her parents live here too. My SIL and family usually come twice to three times a year and came for Thanksgiving this year and stayed for a week (Friday to Friday) with my in-laws.
My nephew, her older son (almost 4), is a very active, very high energy, very sensitive child (quick to outburst and have tantrums). He sometimes throws items on people and for some reason I'm one of his favorite targets.
He's also afraid of my dog and has pushed him and tried to hit and kick him in the past to get him away from him (I always take my dog away from him so he doesn't hurt him). I've never said anything about the item throwing or what he did to my dog in the past.
We had dinner one evening last week, the kid was more hyper than usual, and during the meal he chucked a pretty heavy plastic toy, pretty hard and I raised my hand in reflex to protect my face and it bounced off of it and to the floor.
His parents didn't say anything about it and the meal continued. I got a little annoyed but let it go. We came to my in-laws house with our dog (who LOVES my FIL) for Thanksgiving dinner, and he ran inside to say hi to grandpa :) He also loves my SIL and wanted to jump on her.
But she was on the ground with her son, who pushed my dog, pretty hard, and so my FIL called him and held him. Again, nothing was said or addressed. I probably made a face or something because that really annoyed me.
We sit down to dinner, and then her son threw a napkin ring at me, and I said his name, irritated. And then my SIL goes off about how "that side of the table (again, me and the FIL) is full of judgement of her son."
My FIL tried to calm her down and at some point I chime in and say: "we wouldn't have said anything, if you did or said something when your child was acting out," and she got annoyed even more and again said that we're "judging her child, etc."
At this point I said that "this is not the 1st, 2nd nor the 3rd time your child throws something at me or pushes or tries to hit my dog, and you didn't say or do anything, let alone apologize,"and she replied "why should I apologize, I didn't do anything."
At this point I got really annoyed and said "what are you waiting for, for your child to really hurt someone? Are you going to wait until he kills my dog to say or do something?!"
At this point my wife tells me to shut up and I realized I may have overdone it. At this point they leave the table and don't come back.My wife says I was way too harsh on them, I think it needed to be said and addressed. AITA?
EDITED TO ADD - my dog didn't really jump on her; she was on the ground and he went to sniff her/"say hi," he not jump on a standing person. He's usually very good about not jumping on people, and when he isn't we correct him.
I wasn't completely accurate in my description. He most definitely didn't jump on her. Furthermore, he was still on a leash, we had just came into the house and he was still wearing his harness and still on a leash.
EDITED 2 TO ADD - when we go to my in-laws for a shorter period of time (lunch, dinner), my dog stays at home. This time we want for the entire day (all of Thanksgiving day), so I wasn't able to leave him at home alone for that long, that's why we brought him with us.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
anon28374691
Her kid should not be throwing things and your dog should not be jumping on people. She should parent her kid and you should train your dog. Everyone is a bu%#face here.
annang
ESH. The issues with their son are self-evident. But you need to have a zero tolerance policy for your dog jumping on people, and if you can't control the dog, he needs to be crated or taken out of the house when you have people over. You need to exercise at least as much control over your dog as you're asking them to have over your child, starting with not assaulting people.
The OP responded here:
Electronic-Whole5534
That's fair, but TBH he didn't really jump on her; she was on the ground and he went to sniff her/lick her face, not jump on a standing person. He's usually very good about not jumping on people, and when he doesn't we correct him. I wasn't completely accurate in my description. He most definitely didn't jump on her.
PravinI123
Throwing things at anyone should not be permitted. Your SIL should tell her 4 year old that throwing things isn’t acceptable and he needs to apologize and not do it again.
That’s how kids learn…parents parenting their children. Now if the child isn’t comfortable around your dog, it might be best to keep the dog in another room while he is visiting.
GuiltyPick
ETA. 1) your dog should be leashed around young kids if you know how they have been hurt in the past. Doesn’t matter the other circumstances. Your post writes as an entitled dog owner (coming from a breeder and trainer).
2) You went way too far and could have addressed it elsewhere. 4 is old enough to start understanding why we won’t throw things at people. Heck my 2 year old understands that part already.