Groom tells stepmother, 'back off, you will never be anyone's mother.' AITA?
'AITA for telling my dad's wife she needs to accept she is not a mother and is not entitled to demand a dance at my wedding?'
My dad married Sandy when I was 16. Sandy has no kids. She was upset to learn that I mostly went to my grandparents house after school and that I wanted to continue that when she moved in, something I had been doing since my mom died when I was 4. I'm close to my grandparents.
My mom was their only child and I'm their only grandchild. So maybe that made us a little closer or maybe it's just all the time we spent together.
But anyway, that was a time when Sandy wanted me to be home after school instead of at my grandparents because she wanted the chance to have some 'mother son time' and she said she was taking her role as my mother seriously.
I told her it was nice and all but she wasn't my mother and that was okay, not to stress it. A few weeks after that exchange she told me about her first marriage.
How she raised her stepkids from the time they were elementary schoolers to teenagers and then her husband died and they wanted to be with blood family and cut all contact with her.
She said, 'I know you're older and all but I have always wanted to be a mother and you lost yours when you were 4, so why not let me be your new mother and we can both get what we need.' I told her that was not something I needed and sorry.
I know she was never happy about that. She always kept trying to push that boundary. She would introduce herself as my mom and me her son and would talk about being a boy mom. I never wanted a new mom and always made that clear.
It was a couple of weeks ago that things turned a little nasty. She heard I was doing a special dance with my grandma at my wedding in November and told me she deserved a dance too.
She said she's the person who is in the position of mom, she's the future grandmother of my children and she deserves her chance to be honored with something public like that.
She told me I am a young man and need to learn how to treat a woman who has been in the role of my mom for a decade now. I laughed, which only made her angry. She told me she was demanding a dance after everything she has done for me.
This is when I told her that she needs to accept she is not a mother, that as sad as it is, she can't make it happen with someone else's child and that she is not entitled to demand a dance at my wedding since she is not a mother or a parent to me.
She said, knowing what she has been through, I should be ashamed of myself for talking to her like that. My dad called me after and asked if there was anything I could give her to make her feel better because she's really hurt. AITA?
Here were the top comments from readers:
NTA. But hooooo doggy is your father a massive prick for not shutting her down when the 1st attempt to get you to call her mom was denied. Your father has enabled this entitled behavior and you need to hold both of them responsible for her hurty feelings. The audacity!
NTA - that’s a lovely thing to do with your grandmother. You told step mother she wasn’t a mother figure to you and that’s your choice. Don’t feel bad about it OP. Have a lovely wedding when it comes.
NTA. You were 16 when she became your stepmother. You made it clear that you didn’t want her to take a mother role in your life and she has repeatedly ignored and pushed boundaries.
It may have been harsh to have worded it as you did but she doesn’t seem to take no for an answer.
NTA what’s really sad is that she’s missed out of having any sort of close relationship with you because she’s pushed and pushed for a relationship she’s neither entitled to or should have expected.
NTA. Honestly with step-children of any age, new partners shouldn't force themselves into a parental role--but 16? That's so close to adulthood already! Also major side eye at her trying to weaken your bond with your grandparents in a sh*tty attempt to strengthen her own position.
It sounds like you've been patient for a literal decade, and if she hasn't taken the hint yet I think you can absolutely be excused for being a bit blunt.