My gf 'Shay' (f27) and I (m26) are on a small vacation to my hometown. She's only ever met my dad and extended family (aunt, uncle and cousins) over the phone so I thought this would be a great opportunity to introduce everyone properly. But since we've arrived, Shay's behavior towards my dad has been seriously off-putting.
For example, I thought it would be fun if we all went horseback riding. My younger cousins do it as a hobby so I thought it would be nice to do an activity we'd all like. But Shay wouldn't even get on the horse because she said she was scared. It's been years since I've been on a horse but they were so calm and honestly not a problem at all.
I offered to stay with her while the others enjoyed themselves but she insisted I go because my dad already offered to stay behind (he doesn't usually go horseback riding either). It was weird that she didn't want me there too but I left it be.
There have been other instances too, like how she asked my dad to show her around town instead of staying with me and meeting my old friend from high school. It was an impromptu meet up (we literally ran into him while we were looking for somewhere to get lunch with my dad) but it would've been nice if she made the effort to get to know him instead of going with my dad.
The final straw was when we were all at my aunt's house for dinner. Shay made cupcakes (baking is kinda her thing) and she made some chocolate and peanut butter ones specifically because they're my dad's favorite. She made a few different types of cupcakes but none of the others were my other relative's favorite flavors.
When we got back to our Airbnb, I confronted her. I know Shay's dad left when she was a teen and they're no contact so I figured she might be clinging to my dad because it's nice to have a fatherly presence and not something she's used to. I asked her (jokingly) to rein in her daddy issues and to stop being so clingy with my dad.
She blew up at me, telling me that she's trying her best to fit in and that I've put no effort in to making her feel welcome. Neither of us were willing to compromise and I ended up sleeping somewhere else for the night. I need to talk things out with her today but before I do, I want to make sure I'm not in the wrong.
Sorry bud, I think you are the one with the daddy issues. I don’t see any sexual about the way she was acting towards your dad based on what you described. So you are mad because your girlfriend was “too nice” to your dad and was trying “too hard” to fit in and be friendly! Makes absolutely no sense.
Hard agree. You are super wrong and really being a dick to Shay. This sounds to me like someone who is trying to make a good impression on your dad. Like, the horse thing? Lots of people don't feel comfortable getting on a horse.
It's something you've done a lot then it may not seem like a big deal to you, but many people have never been close to a horse let alone physically gotten on top of one and trusted it to move them around.
As far as the old friend from high school? She may have been doing that to allow you to spend time with your friend instead of being a hanger-on crashing your time together. Also honestly, it's not that fun to listen to two people tell stories about people you don't know that they did stuff with 10 years ago.
That kind of thing is fine in small doses, but if it's basically sitting there sipping a drink for hours while you two tell stories about Max and Mindy from high school, that's going to get real old real fast. The cupcake thing again seems like her just trying to make a good impression. You owe her a serious apology.
This should be titled “I was an asshole to my girlfriend who was being kind and normal to my family.”
You're not wrong dude. She's totally gonna steal your Dad from you. Before you know it they'll be fishing, he'll teach her how to drive, go to all her baseball games, and you'll be left at home with your mitt and a warm glass of Kool-Aid wondering what happened.
You need to break up with her now before he starts lecturing her about WW2, and how the Russian front was crucial in depleting Axis resources towards the end of the war. If that happens, you're too late....☠️
When she leaves you and you date someone who makes no effort with your parents altogether, they'll miss her.
Ok I get it, I'm wrong. Even though a lot of you were really harsh in the comments of my last post, I appreciate the honesty and think I needed it. I read every comment and I understand it was wrong of me to joke about a potentially triggering topic around my gf. Me joking about it was an a-hole thing to do and any concerns I had I should have said in a much better way.
I went back to the Airbnb today and you'll never guess who was there with my gf. Yes, it was my father. He was in the kitchen cleaning up what looked like leftovers from breakfast. He said he stopped by a café that's at the end of the street and bought us breakfast but I wasn't there when he arrived. By that point, Shay told him everything about our argument and he wasn't happy.
Where was Shay when I arrived back? My dad said she was in the shower/ getting ready and that they were going to go to my aunt's house looking for me. They both presumed that's where I was, considering I wasn't at the Airbnb nor was I with my dad. We talked and I helped him clean up their breakfast. While I did, I saw the receipt in the to go bag.
Considering the café he bought the breakfast in is literally 5-10 minutes away and he came straight from there to the Airbnb, it's safe to assume he spent at least 2 hours maybe 2 and a half hours at the Airbnb before I arrived. But sure, that's normal. I didn't bring this up or even question it. I've learned my lesson about bringing up "stupid" and "immature" concerns.
My dad reiterated a lot of the things people said in my post like how Shay didn't want me to miss out on the horseback riding, that she wanted to give me time with my friend without being the third wheel and he said that his favorite cupcake flavor came up while they were walking around town together. It was an embarrassing conversation and while we didn't discuss everything I wanted, it's a start.
When my dad left, I spoke to Shay and apologized. She was really quiet and when we talked about it further, she was crying a lot. The only thing she really said is that we have underlying issues from before this vacation and that this whole ordeal just adds to it.
We were supposed to go to a game's night at my aunt's tonight but Shay said she isn't going and that she wants some time to think. I respect that. I don't know if Shay wants me to stay at the Airbnb tonight or not, but I'm glad she didn't immediately break up with me like some of you suggested.
We broke up.
She's staying at a hotel tonight and then leaving tomorrow.
"Considering the café he bought the breakfast in is literally 5-10 minutes away and he came straight from there to the Airbnb, it's safe to assume he spent at least 2 hours maybe 2 and a half hours at the Airbnb before I arrived. But sure, that's normal. I didn't bring this up or even question it. I've learned my lesson about bringing up "stupid" and "immature" concerns."
Dude. Dude. That 2 hours probably consisted of Dad delivering food, discovering you weren't there, your GF probably wanting to keep your business private but caving and telling him about the argument because they're both concerned about where you are, at some point eating, and then your GF showering because she hadn't done that yet.
You're still here insinuating something happened between your GF and your Dad. Let's actually focus on your Dad for a second, instead of your GF. Is he the type of person who, when his son's whereabouts are genuinely unknown, will take the opportunity to sleep with said son's GF, cheating on his own wife in the process?
Unless there's something you haven't told us about your Dad, then this paranoia is unfounded and will cost you your relationship.
lmao, you're still suspicious of your dad and Shay by looking at the receipt and calculating how long he was there. Jesus, man, you need to work on yourself before you get into another relationship after Shay drops you.
Yea. He is the one with the Daddy issues. Let’s be clear, he does not need a girlfriend he needs to grow up, reflect on his actions, ask himself how he contributed to the break up and seek some therapy. Even his update showed a true lack of remorse, zero empathy, and sub zero self awareness. Adulting is hard. Adulting for a man-child is impossible. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I can see why you are worried about your gf falling for your Dad, he seems like a gentleman. It's a pity the apple fell so far from the tree.