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MIL tries to make up for birth photos by bringing a chicken and laundry detergent. AITA?

MIL tries to make up for birth photos by bringing a chicken and laundry detergent. AITA?

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"AITA for not allowing my MIL to come over to my house unannounced and for no longer accepting anything she buys us."

Wide_Raspberry1280

I have been with my husband for 3 and a half years and married just over 1 year. This past November we had our first child. My husband is an only child and his father was never in the picture. Him and his mom have never really been close.

Now for a little back story, we are both at odds with my MIL and it all started less than 24 hours after I had my son. My husband and I told both my MIL and my mother that we did not want our son's birth turned into a photo op.

People taking pictures of me have always made me uncomfortable. My son had some complications immediately after he was born and he was rushed to the NICU. I wasn't able to see him for roughly 9 hours.

Once I was allowed to go into the NICU my husband went with me as this was the first time I was officially meeting my newborn son. Next thing I know I look up and see my MIL using this opportunity as a photo op.

I WAS FUMING. These were not the first pictures I wanted of my son or of my husband and I with our son. The next morning my MIL decided she wanted to come back and see our son who is now safe and in our room.

I am running on maybe 2 hours of sleep, but still said it was okay for her to come. Once she was there I didn't really interact with her. I was just trying to rest. After she left she ended up calling my husband.

This is when he decided to call her out on the photo op and how she completely violated a boundary that we clearly set. Her response floored me. She began yelling at my husband saying that I hate her, that I don't like her and I never have.

That I am so hateful towards her. She said her reasoning for taking the pictures was because she thought that we would want to remember that moment and to her it wasn't a big deal and she didn't see the point of getting upset.

Once all this happened I decided I needed to distance myself from her and focus on my new family. My husband agreed with doing this as well. Fast forward to about a week and a half ago.

My husband and son had been sick for over a week. I was out doing errands and getting groceries. MIL asked me multiple times if I wanted anything from Sams Club. I would constantly tell her "no, but thank you."

She was doing the same to my husband and he would also respond "no we are good thanks". I return home and my son was screaming. He hadn't slept all day. We all decided to try to nap. My husband finally falls asleep and I finally get my son to fall asleep.

About 10 minutes later there is a knock on my door. My dog goes flying and barking her head off waking up my son. I answer the door and say "why are you here". She says I wanted to bring you a rotisserie chicken, a trash can, and laundry detergent.

I told her we already said we didn't want anything and to not show up at our house unannounced and that next time she tries to give us random crap I will immediately return it to her we don't want anything from her. She got angry and said "she will never come over or speak to us again" and slammed the door. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

empathy10

I don't know tbh. I can't tell if there's more at play or if you just don't like the lady. The pic thing I can understand but when family get sick, we complain that no one steps up to the plate to help. She was trying to do that and I don't believe you mentioned that you told her not to come over. So was it that egregious that you had to talk to her like that?

VioletLily2

NTA. MIL has serious issues understanding boundaries and even words at this point. She can play victim all she wants but she has violated your wishes on multiple occasions and completely ignored your words to end up hurting you emotionally by taking pictures at a vulnerable moment and physically by hampering your kid’s rest during a sickness.

420-believe-it

YTA you’re really making a mountain out of a mole hill. You don’t want pictures of your newborn? You don’t want food delivered while your family is sick? You just sound spiteful to be honest.

Equilibriyum

MIL needs boundaries. She will definitely come over and definitely talk to you all again. You held your ground and she is having a tantrum over it. There is a nothing wrong with holding heathy boundaries with her. She sounds like she may have a personality disorder.

jillian512

NTA, but I think MIL is well intentioned. If she was a single mom, she is probably thinking about how hard it was for her. The rotisserie chicken just struck me as an effort to bring you something you didn't have to prepare. It's completely your decision, but consider allowing someone to help you. Friends, relatives, hired help.

AndSoItGoes24

NTA. This is wrong of me, but the quickest cure for the always popping by unannounced guest is to stop answering the door like a knee jerk response to the bell. I never answer the bell when I'm not expecting anyone.

And I almost never casually gran the phone when it rings either - unless I'm at work. I needed a clean circle of Get Off my Danged Nerves. So, I created one. And yes. I will tell anyone later, "Sorry I missed you. What did you need?"

Retrain her just as you would a dog. OK? Give her some Homeopathic Aversion Therapy by not engaging in the endless cycling of your frustration and dramatizing that she's being victimized.

(I never even actually told my husband out loud that my new plan with his sisters was to stop engaging the nonsense. And they now recognize that I am not responding to their constant BS and if they want to set someone's hair on fire, they have to call him.)

Stop responding her competitive intrusions. She feels replaced in her son's affections and its driving her mad. If she barks, put her on ignore. If she whines, ignore her. If she cries, one long stare before you leave the room and she can perform for the empty seats.

Let her son drive this car with a missing tire. Her goal is to drive you bonkers, so make that part stop. She's using your united front against you right now, so switch it up. Emotional vampires need to get over themselves.

I'd have laughed to myself at the whole, "Never speak to you again!" thing because, Yeah? Thanks a lot. Its all I ever wanted from you anyway - peace and quiet works. 😘

So, do you think the OP was too harsh in her reaction to her mother-in-law or was her mother-in-law clearly overstepping and disregarding her daughter-in-law's wishes?

Sources: Reddit
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