Former egg donor finds 18yo 'son' on her doorstep; she says, 'I can't help you.'
"AITAH for rejecting my 'son'?"
throwaway32028111
Many years ago, I donated eggs to a couple who were my friends at the time. They had been struggling for a couple of years and the doctor said she was infertile. We signed paperwork and they had another woman to carry the pregnancy. The husband is the biological father. They had a son after 2 rounds of IVF.
We stayed friends for a while and I saw them quite often. After a few years, I moved away to advance my career and we sort of lost touch. When the boy was about 14, they contacted me to ask for money. I was earning fairly well by that time and they told me they were struggling.
It turns out, the woman wasn't completely infertile, and they'd had another child a couple of years before. She decided to be a stay at home mom, so money had become tight.
They said that I was their son's biological mother, so I had some responsibility, despite the context of his birth. I told them to pound sand and blocked them. They took me to court and lost, because the paperwork was pretty solid. I thought that was the end of it.
Last week, the kid shows up at my door. He's 18 now and his parents kicked him out of the house. Before that, however, they told him the story of his conception. They made some... convenient adjustments though.
They told him I had an affair with his father and got pregnant; that I wanted nothing to do with him once the father made it clear that I was just a fling and he wasn't going to give up his marriage for me; that they took him in out of the kindness of their hearts despite me being a deadbeat mom who never paid child support.
Now his sister was growing up and they didn't have enough bedrooms, so they wanted him out of the house. They gave him my address and wished him well. To say I was dumbfounded is an understatement.
Since he was insisting that I owed him for 18 years of abandonment, I decided to show him the egg donation agreement and the court papers. He started blasting his parents on social media and in their family group. They got back to me and called me an ahole for ruining their relationship with their son and their reputation. I told them they did that all by themselves.
Now, my mother is calling me an AH too, saying I should have taken the kid in, that he had nowhere to go (he ended up staying with relatives). The thing is, I am childfree by choice, and my mother knows this. I am an only child, so she feels like this is her only chance to be a grandmother.
But, if I refuse to accept that he is my son, then she feels like I am keeping her from having a relationship with him. I told her she's welcome to contact him and take him in herself, but she says she's too old. I have a life; a career, a husband and two dogs.
There is no space in it for an angry teenager who still harbors some resentment against me. So, Reddit, AITAH? I don't think I am responsible for this kid, but then again, he wouldn't exist without my egg...
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
deannawol
Nope, NTA.
Wow on those parents though. Just wow. That poor kid.
Gosserlite
I bet the parents stopped seeing him as their child after the bio daughter was born.
OkBalance2879
NTA. You did everything legally, including going to court. They returned the favour by lying and trying to emotionally blackmail you. Good for you, you flipped those tables and now they’re suffering the consequences. Oh well, never mind. Oh and your mum is an AH for not backing you, when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.
zmarinapdgdd
Boundaries are crucial; you are not obligated. You fulfilled your agreement; it is not your fault.
AlphaFemale_420
It’s things like this that make me not want to do nice things for people 🙄 so ungrateful.
PatchEnd
mom can seriously give her "grandson" a room to live in. he's 18, so she doesn't have to do late night feedings, or diaper changes. she won't have to chase him out of the poisons under the sink, or keep his fingers out of the electric plug. So mom aka "grandmama" can absolutely take him in. You are NTA. you gave eggs, no different from a guy giving sperm.
Impressive-Smile-924
NTA, his parents are the AH. Shouldn't have had a stay at home parent if they couldn't afford it, not your job to pay for that choice they made. Yes, it's great to be there for kids, but that's not your responsibility to foot their poor financial choices.