My dad passed away when I (F16) was like three. We lived in a house that my grandparents own and they agreed to let my mom and I live there rent free. Over the years, whenever my mom dated, I tried to spend the nights she had "guests" over at my grandparents' house.
When I was ten my grandfather renovated the basement to make me my own kind of apartment. I have my own bathroom, kitchen, and living room to go with my bedroom.
My mom met a guy last year and it got serious. He moved in with his two kids. Which is fine by me. My mom deserves to be happy and have someone in her life. There are three bedrooms upstairs, so it is perfect. One for them, and one for each of his kids.
Everything was going according to plan, until the kids asked where I was staying. I said I lived on the basement. They made a joke about me living in my mom's basement. I invited them down to play Mario Kart to be sociable and to show off, if I'm being completely honest.
I have a couch my uncle gave me and my dad's old lazy boy in the living room. The recliner is only for me and all my friends know that. The kids started complaining that it wasn't fair that I got all this room to myself. One tried sitting in my chair even after I told her that it was only for me.
I settled that immediately. It's mine. After a few races, where I demolished them, I said it was time for them to go back upstairs. They said no. I called my mom to come get them.
Over the course of the next week, my mom started hinting that maybe my living room should be a common area. I said no. She started insisting. I said no. She has a key to my door. I never locked my door unless she had guests. I did start locking it when Dan and his kids moved in.
I came home from school and found the kids in my living room. They had also gone into my room. And they were eating my snacks, that I pay for myself. I yelled and told them to GTFO. I called for my mom to explain why they were there.
She said that she decided it wasn't fair that I got almost a third of the house to myself and that my TV and gaming systems should be shared. I said forget that. She got really upset with me and said it was a done deal so deal with it.
My grandfather and my uncles came and got me. And all the things that matter to me, including my recliner. He told my mom that she needed to start paying rent if I wasn't going to be living there. I have a bedroom at my grandparents house but I miss my area.
My mom is trying to get me to go back so they can save money to get their own place. Yeah right. I'm not that dumb. She said that I need to stop being a brat and behave like an adult. I said I was living like an adult until you let those kids into my area without permission.
She tried to say she could do whatever she wanted in her house. Sometimes I think she forgets it wasn't my dad's house and she didn't inherit it. I feel a little guilty about this because my mom is actually pretty cool and I hate that this is causing strain on her relationship. AITA?
NTA. I'm glad you're standing firm, because your mother has absolutely no right to your living area, your things, your snacks, etc. They were provided to you from your grandparents, not from her.
Unfortunately some people can't be reasoned with, as you've found out. You're probably going to find yourself going low contact when you're an adult. That's ok. You can love her from a distance, and not become the person who supplies the deficits in her life. She's an adult, she should pay her own way, not steal from her daughter.
I have to wonder if mom has told her boyfriend that the house is hers and he thinks she owns it. Then she acts like she owns it to save face so that he doesn't know she is lying and then the grandparents help her daughter escape and mom and boyfriend are suddenly stuck paying rent.
Two working adults should be able to afford rent. I have to wonder if mom's boyfriend isn't with mom just for a free place to live.
NTA. Correction. I feel a little guilty about this because my mom is actually pretty cool. Your mom used to be pretty cool, until the step kids moved in. They are trying to force you to share the space that your grandfather made specifically for you. With entitled kids who don't respect you or your possessions.
Your mom is discovering the FAFO part of her delusion that your childhood home doesn't actually belong to her. And she deserves it for being a rotten mom. She should have been defending your privacy instead of letting her step kids invade it.
Nta don't move back in. Your mom's BF s a freeloader. Honestly your grandparents should of started charging rent as soon as he moved in. Did he move in because he cares for your mom or because it's free room and board.
On top of that with all the money they both saved on rent they should already have enough for a deposit. What you saw is a preview of what's to come in your needs being pushed aside.
NTA. You've made a tough but necessary choice to preserve your independence and boundaries. Your basement was your space, a sanctuary of sorts, and it's only natural to want to keep that privacy intact.
It's not about being unwilling to share; it's about consent and mutual respect which, unfortunately, wasn't extended to you. Moving out is a big step, but sometimes it's the only way to highlight the significance of the boundary that's been crossed.
Plus, it's not unfair to expect adults to manage their finances and living arrangements, especially when they have started to overstep their bounds in a home that isn't theirs. It’s time they started planning for their own household without assuming the convenience of your family's property.
NTA I'm sure your mother is getting pressure from her boyfriend over this. I would not back down - your mom is more than entitled to a life of her own but she has no right to force it on you. I wouldn't get into it with her, it's just a circular argument and sounds exhausting.
Just tell her you're sorry she feels that way, but unless she keeps her boyfriend's kids out of your place you will remain at your grandparents and her financial issues are not your problem. Then change the subject. Repeat as needed.