I’m a single mom to 2 kids (8 & 6). I work as a nurse. 3 days a week, I work 12 hour shifts (12 pm-12 am). After my husband passed, I needed a nanny to tend to my kids from the time they got off school (3 pm) onwards. I decided a live-in nanny was the best choice as I have one guest bedroom.
I live right near a university. Around this time, my niece had just gotten accepted. She wanted to save cost on dorms and offered to watch my kids those 3 days, if she could live there rent free. I agreed, and said I’d also pay her $22/hr (a competitive rate for our area.)
She’s done with her classes by 1pm, so it works out pretty perfectly. She fixes them dinner and puts them to bed. Then, she’s free to do whatever. But of course, I pay her from 3 pm-12:30 am. It worked for 2 years. My niece never had any complaints.
Now, however, my niece is getting a (paid) internship related to her major that starts in January. She wouldn’t be available to watch my kids. I congratulated her and said I could help her look into student housing or an apartment. We’d have 3 months to do this. She was confused.
I said, since I would need a live in nanny, and only have one guest room, she would have to move out. My niece got upset and said this isn’t fair. She said she won’t be able to save any money if she gets a dorm or an apartment (she could afford to live on her own, but wouldn’t have much savings.)
I pointed out that this would work best for me as I had to put my kids in aftercare the other 2 days I work (I get off around 5pm) and the nanny could just pick them up from school vs them having to stay there so long.
My niece argued that the nanny could leave at the end of her shift but after speaking to some nannies, they understandably don’t want to drive home so late. Plus, I’m fine with the nanny (and my niece) sleeping after the kids do. So, there’s no sense in them sleeping then waking up and driving home drowsy. Even I feel nervous driving home so late, especially after my long shift.
My SIL (her mom) feels this is unfair to my niece but she moved in under the condition that she’d work as a nanny. My SIL and brother live 3 hours away, so my niece couldn’t commute if she moved back in with them.
They feel I should try to find a nanny who’d be willing to drive home at 12:30 AM (it’d take me a half hour minimum to get home) but all the nannies I’ve spoken to have said no or expressed concern about their safety driving so late. AITA?
NTA. She is quitting her job so she loses her room & board benefit. What if she nannied for a stranger? Would she and her parents expect the former employer to continue to give her free room & board?
Your niece, brother and SIL are being greedy and selfish. Your only concern is your children not your niece. She has two parents to help her. Your kids only have you. Hire a live-in nanny and move niece out.
NTA. She entered an agreement with terms, so she should not be surprised to be bound by them.
NTA. But, may I suggest offering to let your niece stay if she starts paying rent? You could then pay the new (not live-in) nanny more money for the hassle of working late shifts. Plenty of people (yourself included) work odd hours.
It may be good for the kids to have the consistency of your niece being around, especially while they transition to a new nanny. Good luck!
NTA. She moved in with a specific understanding that the terms would be mutually beneficial. She changed the terms and the agreement is no longer mutually beneficial. So she lives elsewhere. Seems clear.
NTA. The living arrangement was for the Nanny, a position that your niece was filling.
NTA. I doubt you will find a Nanny willing to work those hours and then drive home late at night. Start interviewing and make it clear to your Niece she has to be gone by the time the new Nanny starts. She is a big girl she can live in Halls with the other students.
NTA. The living arrangement was for the Nanny, a position that your niece was filling. It was NOT made for your Niece, specifically. If your niece is quitting the Nanny job, then that means she is also giving up the accouterments that came with it.
It sounds like she is mis-remembering or just plain rewriting the terms of the arrangement to suit herself. Regardless, this is a problem that she has created for herself through wrong assumptions and lack of planning. Stand your ground - it's her problem to solve, not your burden to shoulder.