Mom tells daughter to give her $10K for plastic surgery, says 'I raised you, you owe me.' ONGOING
"AITA for telling my mom I’m not paying for her full mommy make over?"
shellygotsugar
Soon after graduation and before I (32) even started my current job my mom (57) asked me to help with elective cosmetic surgeries. I told her I can pay up to 3k but that’s about it. The issue is she helped put me through school, sending me some of her govt assistance etc. which was extremely helpful to a broke college adult.
Yet, accepting her assistance gave me soooooo much anxiety, because when I would say “thank you I truly appreciate the help” her reply 100% of the time was always “don’t worry I’ll get a return on my investment” . Even typing that reply gives me serious anxiety I can’t explain it.
So now she’s seeking her return. She wants about 10k worth of a new body! I'm the only successful kid of 8 siblings and I’m in the middle. Literally all my siblings are broke and have some sort of addiction. I didn’t create the body she has alone, me and my 7 other siblings did!
She’s been gaslighting me like crazy “you promised you would pay for everything, you promised me that it wouldn’t be an issue etc” and honestly I almost believed it until I reminded her there’s no way I can say that when I know my savings is at zero dollars and zero cents! I’m starting over from scratch! 401k, savings, investing, etc I'm light years behind where I want to be if I want to retire comfortably.
She’s throwing it in my face how I have enough money to travel (I’m doing very cheap budget weekend traveling once a month. I’m talking Megabus, Grey Hounds, motel stays, etc) but not enough help my own mother with something “I promised her.” Also, is it even called a mommy make over when your youngest is 22?
Here were the top rated initial comments from readers:
leopard_eater
This is one of those times I wish I could reach through my phone, shake OP, then give them the hug they will never ever get from a single person in their family. She needs to cut them all off and get the heck out of there and change her name.
poorly_anonymized
The term "chosen family" was made for people like her. She needs to choose herself a brand new family.
Arsenicandtea
I'm not old enough to be her mom, but I would be her mom. I don't understand people who have kids like that. There's nothing my munchkin could do that would cause me to stop loving them. Honestly if they were the worst person in the world, I would still love them, I would just lovingly make sure they ended up behind bars.
tayroarsmash
If she wanted a return on investment then I’d suggest she’d have made an investment. Instead she had a daughter that she decided to emotionally black mail.
Just hours later, the OP retrurned.
"Last Update"
shellygotsugar
Wooooow you guys are on it! So I read every last message! Even if I didn’t reply. And now that I’m thinking about it ... you guys are right! And here’s what you’re right about.
When I was about 10 or so in school, during Mother’s Day week we made cards. I gave my mom a hand made card, when she opened it she looked me straight in the eyes and said “the next time you give me a card please have money in it; at least a dollar.”
I remember saying something along the lines of I don’t have any money or like I don’t have a job and she said “well, until you get a job I don’t need anymore cards” and since then I have neverrrrrrr given someone an empty card.
So yeah, y’all were spot on my relationship with my mom is transactional. It’s basically “conditional” love I get from her. And the condition is the more money she gets from me the more she’ll love on me.
Since my first job at 16, I’d give her all the money and she’d allow me to keep a set amount. I never saw a cent of my dad's child support either. And, to be honest, as a woman far from her friends and family, not being able to talk to my own mother would just be too hard.
I’m trying to figure out now if I want to keep buying her love or go LC/NC (like some of you suggested) .. and tbh I can’t “afford” (mentally) to not have her in my corner, even if I know I’m paying her. The heavy feeling of this realization is ALOT!
While I don’t like the feeling I have now, until I get “sick and tired of being sick and tired,” I’m sadly willing to pay her for her love. I’m only scared that with this stupid brain and now broken heart she could wring me dry.
I saw someone say I should make a savings for health issues etc. I’ll do a separate account for her and throw $50-$100 in increments but it won’t be for her health issues. It’ll be because I'm a daughter yearning for her mothers love and is willing to pay for it... for now at least.
Thank you all sooooo much! And yes I’ve gone to therapy and no surprise she echoed a lot of what you guys said. And now idk if I can go back as this is a truth I don’t want to dwell on too much because it’s sad af! A daughter paying for her mother's love. It is what it is... thank you all again!
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
leopard_eater
This is one of those times I wish I could reach through my phone, shake OOP, then give them the hug they will never ever get from a single person in their family. She needs to cut them all off and get the heck out of there and change her name.
poorly_anonymized
The term "chosen family" was made for people like her. She needs to choose herself a brand new family.
tayroarsmash
If she wanted a return on investment then I’d suggest she’d have made an investment. Instead she had a daughter that she decided to emotionally black mail.
vamsmack
NTA. This is deranged and you probably shouldn’t be giving her anything. This seems massively weird.
Exotic_Bet_9753
NTA a parents job IS to provide for their children. She helped you with college (as she should) and she wants a completely cosmetic procedure in return? It’s not adding up. Her giving with an expectation of receiving later on from her own child is crazy. Personally, I dream to spoil my parents once I have the means to, but her entitlement is not okay.
The OP responded here:
shellygotsugar
I want to spoil my parents too! My dad really supported me financially and never asked for a dime! And I’ll ask him “hey can I send you any money” and he makes far less than my mom and he 100% always decline my offer saying he knows I need to stabilize myself ... mom on the other ... she’s taking that money ...