My mom has two older kids, my half siblings, from her first marriage. They're twins and they're both 28 now. Their dad died when they were 6 and mom remarried when they were 10. I (16f) came along two years later, my sister (15f) a year after me and my brother (13m) two years after her.
I have never felt close to my half brother and sister. Being twins, they were always super tight and had a bond that none of us could fully understand. Sometimes it made me feel a little sad that they were so close to each other but not us.
I used to think that was the reason we weren't close but then I started to suspect it was more to do with us being half siblings and having a different dad. They were okay with us. They weren't bullying us or anything. They just never put any effort into the relationship and were always distant when we would try to get closer to them.
Once they moved out we hardly ever saw them. I maybe see them once or twice a year usually and even then it's rare for us to interact because they will say hi and move onto talking to other people or doing things.
We're not on each other's social media's (though I tried.) I don't have either of their numbers or anything. It's just how it is. Honestly, I stopped seeing them as half siblings a while ago and they really do feel more like my mom's other kids due to the lack of relationship.
A few years ago my siblings and I wanted to go stay with them for a weekend (they lived together until a year ago) but they didn't want us there. I remember finding out through an aunt that they had some of their paternal cousins over for an entire weekend sleepover. It made me sad because their cousins would have been close to my age and I didn't understand why they would spend time with them but not us.
So there's the background and I have grown to accept and understand that they don't need to be closer to us if they don't want to be. It doesn't make me sad anymore.
Anyway, my parents were invited to a destination wedding and my mom asked my half siblings if one of them could let the three of us stay the four days they would be gone. They said no and she would need to find another solution. Mom asked them a few more times and when I realized how often she was asking, I told her I thought she should stop asking.
My mom asked me why and I told her they never wanted to be around us so I don't think they would want us in their space either. I pointed out grandma and grandpa would let us stay with them and she asked me why I'd say they (half siblings) never wanted us around.
I told her they have never made the effort, have never kept in contact with us, and invited kids of similar ages as us to stay for sleepovers but never us. Mom told me all that was the reason she should ask and try to convince them to spend the time with us. I told her it wasn't going to work and I didn't really want to stay with either of them now. She told me I should be appreciative and stop telling her to stop. AITA?
NTA. The more your mom tries to force it, the more they will push you away.
They can't really push us away anymore. But I could see them pushing her away if she keeps asking. They at least talk to her a lot over the phone and stuff but I'm sure they'll talk less if she keeps pressing the issue.
And even though is not your guys’ fault, you will probably be disliked if she keeps annoying them. She is really not helping at all.
NTA. Your mom forcing this relationship between you and them is just going to make them push you away more than they already do. Parents need to understand that after a point, you cannot force relationships and that it's going to make things worse. I hope you and your siblings have fun staying at your grandparents'.
Thank you! With my mom, I think she believes she should have pushed more when we were all younger. She did a lot of the more normal things families do to bond. Taking trips together, family movie nights, eating dinner together, etc. She also had my half siblings in therapy after their dad died and again when she got remarried.
But I think she believes pushing more could fix things. I don't think anything will ever change between us. I think they just don't feel much toward us and the best we'll ever be is distant but civil.
NTA she can't force her older child and you to have relationship and she should accept that. It better to you and your siblings to go stay with grandparents who is very willing than go to stay with half siblings who want nothing to do with you.