Throw away acc. This is too big of a situation that I don't feel okay putting it on my actual reddit account. I really know how else to say this so I will just come right out with it...
Almost 2 months ago, my younger sister (23 aka 'Lucy' for this) and her fiance held a big dinner event with all of our family, his family, our mutual friends, their friends, and every soul she knew because they had some big news they wanted to tell everyone. They found out a few weeks prior that they are expecting.
Of course we were all very very excited for them. As soon as everything settled down, Lucy then stood up and made a toast to me. She said she was thankful for having a bigger in size and in heart sister like me to gift my wedding dress to her since she is getting married in November. I'm only 136 and did not think I was actually fat at the time.
I, shocked and embarrassed, tried to ask her what she means by that as politely as possible. My step mom responded with "Don't worry, it's just one of those sister teasings you have never been able to comprehend" and for us to all talk about it later.
It was all too much for me and I was humiliated by everything and burst into tears in front of everyone and went to the bathroom while my stepmom said "See" and mocked me, telling me to grow up. They both did end up coming into the bathroom after 30 minutes.
Lucy said I ruined the most exciting news of a lifetime but could not possibly understand that since me and my fiance want to continue a child free lifestyle. I asked her much more rudely why the hell she thought I would be giving her my wedding dress.
Apparently her and my stepmom had talked and decided that since my wedding was not until March, and since I am fatter than them, I would not mind just loaning my dress (that I have not even picked up yet from alterations) or buying another one since I had saved and invested with my "big degrees" into my wedding that I can afford special alterations.
I double majored in aerospace engineering and theatre and my fiance majored in physics and philosophy. Thanks to my degree and skills, I designed my wedding dress. Both of them have always hated this. She also said that it's okay if it was not altered because, since I am so much bigger, there would not be any alterations needed for her to fit my dress.
I told her absolutely not. Lucy then said that if I don't give it to her then I am no longer a bridesmaid. I told her that's fine and left the bathroom. Everyone except my dad, Lucy's fiance, and my fiance left. They consoled me and said they would talk to my stepmom and sister about everything and I left.
The next day, both my sister and my stepmom blew up my phone saying I am destroying the family and clearly don't care about my soon-to-be niece or nephew by not allowing my sister have my dress. I never responded and ended up getting a group of family and Lucy's friends on their side harassing me on social media, phone, email, and in person for a week.
It only stopped because my BIL told Lucy he would be leaving her if she did not cut it out. Things have been quiet ever since then until tonight when I got a call from my sister saying she has a scheduled an abortion tomorrow for her baby girl since she can't fit into her dress.
She then said that I could stop all of this if I just honored her simple request of giving her my dress. This is where I am for sure not just wrong but a major b^+ch.
From experience, making that decision is one of the hardest thing to make in life.
BUT... It did pi$s me off and I told her that if she was aborting her baby over a dress, then she does not deserve to have any children and her baby girl can be a gift to another person who will actually love her and not place fabric over her.
She responded saying that since I am childfree, I don't know what a good parent is, the length of a mothers love, or have the ability to provide that to kids and could never be better than her. I hung up on her and she sent me a text with a picture of documents showing the time of the appointment. The text said I had until 11:30am (the time of the appointment) to change my mind.
I called her fiance and told him everything and sent him screenshots of the text she sent. He said she had no clue about the abortion or the gender of their baby and was going straight home to talk to her about it. They did get into a huge fight and now my BIL is staying in our guestroom for a while and, very understandingly, looks very red and swollen in the face from crying.
While I questioned her moral choice to pick fabric over a baby, it's the same question I am asking myself. I feels extreme for me to be this protective over it and at the cost of a baby that is wanted, already loved by us, and can be given a great life with a great father. Am I the a$$h0le?
I honestly am thinking about just giving in and giving her my dress. But I really just have to get some outside views and input on this situation. Any thoughts would be very helpful and thank you so much in advanced!
NTA. Your stepsister is obviously unhinged and very, very manipulative. Choosing a dress over her unborn baby. If she decided to go through the abortion, it is up to her. Whatever her decision, I would consider NOT going to her wedding (if it is still on) and blocking her and her mom. Don’t feel guilty. This is not your fault.
I was not going after I was kicked from the wedding party. I 100% agree. It's crazy that she is even doing this. I am going NC after this is resolved. I am going to talk to my BIL in the morning and see what he would like to do and how he feels about everything.
NTA but you would be if you give her that dress. You think if you hand over the dress she will keep the kid and her and her partner can play happy families. But all you will be doing is setting a precedent. She will then start demanding other things.
Give the mouse a cookie how long before it demands a glass of milk. Leeches like her will never stop. She will keep using that kid as a bargaining tool to get what she wants. Stand your ground. If she chooses to seriously abort that kid over a dress your bil is better off without her in his life.
That is a good point.
dear GODS this was atrocious. halfway through, it was obvious you're NTA. by the time i got to the abortion part....ma'am for your safety and sanity, you really, really, REALLY need to go full no contact with your sister. she is going to be, at BEST, an incredibly toxic influence on your life.
at worst she is going to actively ruin your life. that attempt at manipulation was grade a narcissistic behavior, if not straight up psychopathic. please do whatever it takes to take care of yourself, in every sense of the phrase.