'AITA for telling my mother I am not going to cheer on her do-over family?'
"AITA for telling my mother I am not going to cheer on her do-over family?"
Deep_Self1039
My mother was not a mom to me. She gave birth to me and then she gave me away to so many different family members and friends of hers over the years that I cannot say she raised me. The longest I was ever under her roof was 2 nights and that was because she was paid to take me for that period of time.
She had issues with my bio father, who died before I was born, and she always liked to bring up how I was his kid, etc. Anything to make me less hers and more someone else's problem.
One time she sent me to live with a friend of hers who was very unstable and never checked on me. The only person I was with who loved and cared about me was my grandma. But she died when I was barely 6. She had me for 3 years. It was her who had to pay my mother to take me in for the two days she did. An aunt told me about that some time after that.
My mother met some guy about 18 months ago and they got married recently and she's now expecting a baby with him. From the outside he appears to be a top notch guy. He was interested in getting to know me, said he would want me to be part of their family.
But he knows she didn't raise me or treat me well. He knows she didn't even put me on their wedding guest list herself. He has also witnessed her tell me I'm my father's daughter in the most venom filled way possible.
Then he heard her say she was going to be a mom for the first time. So I'm not sure if he's actually good underneath or maybe he cares about appearances. I did not go to their wedding, by the way.
Now that she's pregnant I am expected to play pretend and act like we're some kind of family. The only reason I know any of this is she showed up at my job and tried to talk to me. She said I need to at least look supportive of their family but I should really show my face around them more now that she's married and having a kid.
I told her I was not going to cheer on her do-over family and she needed to accept that people might judge her but I didn't f'ing care. She called me spiteful and a b+_ch. Then the one relative I do actually stay in touch with told me I shouldn't be so sour about the baby and shouldn't be calling them part of a do-over family because the baby is innocent. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
RuroniHS
NTA. You are an adult and have no obligation to associate with anyone you don't like for any reason. You were treated like shit, so it's not like you owe them anything. Blood ties offer neither legal nor moral obligations of association. Live your life, leave them in the dust.
Careless-Ability-748
Nta and if your mom shows up to your job again, have security remove her.
litt3lli0n
NTA. I'm not sure how old you are, but in general, you are under no obligation to be supportive and why should you? The woman who gave birth to you just wants to appear like she's "Mother of the Year."
She didn't earn that and certainly doesn't deserve it. If you can, this seems like a good time to just go no contact. Her new husband might seem nice, but anyone that wants to actively marry her is obviously not a good person.
pizzasauce85
They only want you in their new family to be a built in babysitter.
He_Who_Is_Person
NTA. The baby may be innocent but your mother is only your mother in a biological sense. There's no "family" to rejoin. Feel absolutely no guilt in staying away. (In fact, why not just full no contact?)
smc_88
NTA and if it were me she wouldn't be in my life at all. It doesn't sound like she's changed much and it seems like appearances are what's most important to her with this "new family." Sorry you had to go through all of that and I hope you're doing well otherwise and can find family outside of this woman.
KittikatB
NTA. You're not obligated to suddenly play happy families because your incubator wants to line up a free babysitter or whatever she's trying to do. Don't punish the baby because your family member is right, the baby didn't ask to be born to this woman any more than you did, but 'not punishing' can simply be not saying bad things about the baby - it doesn't mean you need to engage.
You may want to consider whether you're willing to be available to the child to provide the love and care your grandmother gave you if your mother reverts to being the kind of "parent" she was to you. But if you're not willing or able to do so, that's okay too.