'AITA for telling my SIL her husband cheated because she kept insulting my husband?'
"AITA for telling my SIL her husband cheated because she kept insulting my husband?"
saidwhatisai
I have a SIL, “Alison”, who is married to my brother “Harvey”. I will be honest, I don’t like Alison. She’s the most negative, bitter person I’ve ever had to spend more than an hour with. She has a negative opinion about everything, but notably, my husband. Most of the time I just brush it off but we’re all at my parents’ for Christmas and her comments have been constant.
Example 1
She hates that me or my husband refer to him looking after our daughter as “babysitting”. Unpopular opinion nowadays, but I don’t mind it. We actually both use the term for when one of us wants to do a recreational activity and the other has our daughter. I say “he’s at golf so I’m babysitting” and he’ll say “she’s going to dinner so I’m babysitting”. However, Alison is only upset when my husband says it.
Example 2
She needles him by asking pointed questions that she thinks “any mother would know” and then gets smug when he doesn’t know the answer.
Example 3
Every time I do anything with my daughter (and I do most things with her around me because that’s what she’s used to) Alison makes comments about me being to be a “married single parent”
I’ve told her to stop many times. I’ve told Harvey to stop her many times. Nothing works. My husband and I have an agreement that we don’t fight with the other’s side of the family so I feel bad that I haven’t been able to do anything about Alison’s comments.
Then, two days ago, we were all in the dining room, with the exception of my husband who was finishing up some work. Alison remarked that she hasn’t seen him all day and that it was really rude that he wasn’t putting in more effort to spend time with his daughter or the family.
I sternly told her that my husband is working to provide for his family and that not everyone can just take weeks off at a time. Alison then said “of course you’d say that, you’re basically paid to be his bang-nanny” (I’m a SAHM).
I cannot remember the last time I was so enraged. Before I could even fully process my own thoughts, I said “Yeah, and you get cheated on for free. Tell me who got the better deal”.
For context, everyone knows about Harvey’s indiscretions, but I guess Alison didn’t know we were aware. Alison went silent, then left the table. It’s been two days and she hasn’t said a word to me, barely any to anyone else, won’t even make eye contact.
Harvey is livid that I brought it up, but I told him he had his chance to make her stop and he didn’t so I did. My dad said she F'ed around and found out, my mom said she feels bad because Alison is quite obviously humiliated.
I said she earned it from how she was always trying to embarrass my husband, but my mom says it’s different because no one took her seriously. I think she threw a stone straight through her glass house but she does seem really miserable so I’m wondering if I’m the AH?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
MurellaDvil
NTA- but also maybe just ever so slightly- You could have called her out and asked her exactly what her problem is with you, your husband, and your relationship as a whole. Why does she feel the need to insert herself into your marriage?
Why is she trying to sow discourse between you and your husband? You could have pulled a seriously patronizing move and used a gentle parenting technique to get to the root of her feelings. I agree with your father though. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She needed to be taken down a peg. Good for you for having your husbands back.
Constant_Increase_17
NTA. It seems clear now that she probably acted like this because she is jealous of your relationship with your husband. If she had skeletons in her closet about her own relationship she should not be making comments on others. Don’t reach out to let her stay quiet, it will be a welcome change for you.
Dense-Passion-2729
I mean YTA in the realm of two wrongs don’t make a right but I also don’t blame you and probably would’ve snapped too. She needs to realize that she can’t force her family dynamic on others- the question is if you and your husband are happy with your dynamic and it sounds like the answer is yes so she needs to back off.
CheshireCatsGrin87
NTA. Your SIL was attacking you husband to make herself feel better, so that she wasn't the only one with a shitty husband. You popped that balloon. Good for you.
Mother_Tradition_774
NTA but this sounds like an unhealthy family dynamic that I wouldn’t want to be apart of. Your parents are aware that their DIL makes nasty comments about your marriage in their home and they do nothing about it.
Your SIL has been told that her comments are inappropriate and she won’t stop. Your brother has been told the same thing and he won’t do anything about it. You all know your brother is a serial cheater and you just look the other way.
Your husband isn’t allowed to stand up for himself when his in laws are out of line. I don’t understand why you and your husband don’t spend your holidays elsewhere.
EbonyDoe
NTA like your dad said she FAFO. Maybe next time she'll learn to keep her opinions and BS to herself (or with luck she'll end up divorced and you won't have to see the bully again)
incelmound
Read the comments. Unpopular opinion here. Only ur cheating brother is the ah here. Yea, SiL is annoying but here negativity prob comes from Being cheated on and she's acting out. I've seen so many people stuck in a horrible situation being miserable. I understand ur moms take on this.