Sister's calls brother's partner a 'glorified gold digger,' sparks heated argument. AITA?
"AITA for yelling at my sister after she called my partner a gold digger?"
KimSisterGoldDigger
So I (30M) come from a well-off family, but my dad always taught me to work hard and have class. When I was 14 I started working at my Dad’s company part-time to earn my allowance, and when I turned 16 I became a real part-time employee. My Dad decided to retire when I was 29 and handed the business to me.
Back in my second year of uni, I met Kim (20M at the time, 29M now), we were in the same course and ended up in the same group for a group project near the beginning of the year, we had a similar sense of humour and clicked as friends quickly.
One day he mentioned he loves to cook and I told him we should cook together because I love to cook too, and that weekend we went to his place, brought some ingredients and cooked together.
This then became us going shopping for ingredients after classes on Friday, I'd stay at his place for the night and we would cook on the weekend and this became our weekly routine.
Back then, I just told others that we were just friends, but with hindsight, that is definitely when I started to fall for him. I finally asked him out a few months later and he said yes. We lived in the same house with two other friends in our 3rd year, and I asked him to move in with me after we graduated.
From the beginning, I told Kim that I would not care if he didn't work, but he insisted he wanted to contribute financially. But after about a year I had to make him stop, due to the differences in our incomes, he was working himself half to death and was getting ill trying to “contribute enough”.
I sat him down and told him that whatever money he made didn't matter, that if he wanted to work I wanted him to be happy. He cut back his hours, then moved to part-time, then decided to quit and work on his own projects. But, he insisted I let him take on some of the housework.
Now onto the issue. My sister (32F), she and her partner (31M) both work and he also makes significantly less than her, and in private to me, she’s made it known that she resents being the breadwinner.
She sees all her male colleagues spoil and treat their wives and wishes her partner would do the same (he does but just not to the same level due to the fact he makes basically half as much as they do.)
Recently I was talking to her about what I am going to get Kim for his birthday next month. She kept telling me my ideas were too much and that I should get something cheaper since he “doesn't contribute.”
I got a bit annoyed because I've told her about Kim’s insecurities of not making or being enough. I told her he contributes more than enough, she then called him a “glorified gold digger” and I yelled at her, telling her to shut up and to not talk about Kim that way.
After calming down, I do feel bad. I know how she feels about her own financial position, but I dont think its fair that she takes it out on me or Kim, even if Kim wasnt physically there, so AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Comfortable-Sea-2454
NTA - it sounds like your sister is projecting her frustrations/insecurities onto you and Kim. If your relationship with Kim works for you and he, sis needs to butt out.
ClareSwinn
If you are happy then it’s none of your sister’s business. I assume Kim was unable to contribute as he moved into your home and couldn’t keep up with your lifestyle. I’m surprised he didn’t work and agree to contribute based on % of income rather than 50/50 but that is none of my business.
Ignore your sister but protect your company and assets if you decide to marry Kim. He doesn’t have the means to support himself without you and you should both face that head on in terms of legality. NTA, she pushed you into it.
The OP responded here:
KimSisterGoldDigger
We weren't trying to split things 50/50, i told when he first moved in that i didn't care about any of that. Growing up his relationship with his mother wasn't very good and she made him feel like nothing he did was enough and would gilt trip him anytime he relied on someone.
We've done alot of work together so he feels comfortable relying on me and others and that him just being him is enough, he doesn't have to prove to me or anyone that he is enough.
Artistic_Tough5005
NTA It’s your relationship and you are very ok with the situation. Your sister isn’t ok with hers that doesn’t mean you partner is a gold digger.
stephnetkin
Although I suspect the sister is, in fact, the gold-digger.
PandaLand447
NTA. You and Kim are happy and have things worked out - kudos. Your sister is projecting, envious, and apparently quite materialistic. You were also defending your SO after she was outlandishly disrespectful towards him, more kudos.
10 points to Gryffindor
-20 points Slytherin.
bendytoepilot
NTA she's projecting. If Kim is doing his share of the housework and your both happy then it's not a problem.