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Woman's sister fleeces family business while she is dealing with the loss of her child.

Woman's sister fleeces family business while she is dealing with the loss of her child.


"AITA for refusing to beg my sister to come to Christmas to keep the family peace after she screwed me over while I had a miscarriage?"


I (34F) haven't had a relationship with my sister Amy (37F) since she screwed me over while I was having a miscarriage. One of my jobs is running a family business with siblings/mom, the other is at a hospital. My sister gave herself a raise/promotion behind everyone's back. Then abruptly quit her other job the next day.

None of us were having that and called her out during an emergency team meeting. She apologized and we all decided to revisit this in a month or so. I had the option of getting that raise/promotion, we were thinking of flipping a coin or discussing more to figure it out.

I ended up losing my unborn child a few weeks later. I'm depressed and in pain and Amy texts me that it's been a month and I need to make a decision now if I'm interested in "taking her job".

I told her I needed time while I went through this and that I was not in a position to make any big decisions. I said, "If anything changes we will discuss it as a team and give you as much time as you need to get another job (if I won the coin toss)." Amy's a nurse and could easily get hired back at the hospital.

A week later my mom (78 F, owner, semi-retired) announces Amy would permanently take on that promotion/increased pay. I no longer had the opportunity. No warning or team meeting, just a text that my sister wrote on behalf of my mom (my mom admitted this to me later).

If you haven't picked up on it, Amy is controlling, bullying, self righteous, impatient and unyielding. She's only close with my mom (who is very passive). No friends really and my other sister (42F) doesn't speak to Amy either for different reasons.

I stopped speaking to my mom and Amy. Mom apologized and initiated going to therapy to work on our relationship. I agreed and things got better. We hired a mediator to establish new policies so things like this don't happen again.

One of the policies was a bereavement leave for things like miscarriages. Amy said she doesn't think anyone should get a bereavement leave for losing a child and that people would take advantage of it. Everyone disagreed with her... At this point she still hadn't apologized so this made me feel better about cutting her out of my life.

My brother/mom want me to get over it. My brother got annoyed with me for not inviting her to my 10 person birthday breakfast.... I'm always polite and professional at work, but that's the most of a relationship I want with her and I think that's fair.

My mom asked my other sister and I to encourage Amy to come to Christmas after Amy randomly sent out a text saying they won't be joining this year. I told my mom no, she's an adult and it's up to her. If she does come I'll be polite and keep my distance.

My mom got mad and acted like I'm in the wrong. I do feel bad thinking about her 3 year old not coming though. Her daughter is so sweet and loves her cousins, aunties, uncles and grandma.

AITA for not wanting to contact my sister to ask her to come to Christmas after she screwed me over while I was miscarrying a baby?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. Why is it always on the person who was harmed by the actions of another to extend the olive branch? Your sister created the drama and the family problems yet you're the one expected to "get over it".

Sounds like yet again Amy just wants to create drama by announcing she's not coming for Christmas. That's on her. You never said she couldn't be there. If your mom and brother want her there then they can "encourage" her - not you.


Because it's easier to bully the victim. Simple as that. They know Amy is a spoiled asshole who won't budge so they target op. They are as cruddy as Amy is.


NTA. "Keep the family peace" implies "your feelings mean nothing and your sister's feelings mean everything." What will happen if you invite her? You'll still be angry with her, she'll still be an AH, and your mother may continue to live in her idealized world where everyone is in love? Absolutely not.


The reason people tell the wronged person to "be the bigger person " or "get over it", is that they know the perpetrator is unreasonable, so there's no hope of them changing. So they demand that the victim give in. And after all, an apology wouldn't undo the harm, so they see it as the job of the victim to forgive, which somehow magically wipes away the crime.


NTA. Sit your mother and brother down and remind them that Amy is manipulative, deceitful and basically a thief for what she did with the business. They are lucky you didn't get a lawyer and sue, which you absolutely could have done. To be honest, you still could (and I would in your position).

They need to keep their mouths shut about how you are managing what little relationship you are willing to have with this nasty, rude and insensitive bully. If they don't, you need to start treating them the way you treat her, because they are ALSO bullying you into submitting. And that's never going to happen.


NTA and also to be honest, unless that family job brings in a LOT of money I'd quit and focus on your other job. You wouldn't put up with this kind of BS at any other workplace. Why put up with it because the workplace involves your family?

The OP responded here:


It brings in a lot of money, requires minimal effort and is extremely flexible. It's great if you have children, and I'm expecting a daughter in a few months... In the future we will split the business up between siblings and go our separate ways. It's all in an estate plan/will.

Right now my game plan is to avoid drama, get my work done and invest as little as possible into this job. My mom is the owner, but she's retired. She doesn't have any job duties. My siblings and I run the business together.

We have a set of policies (that the mediator helped us come up with) and have to vote on all decisions with my mom being a last resort vote if we can't come to a decision (since there's 4 of us kids, a vote could be 2-2, although this hasn't happened yet as we can usually come to a decision).


If you invite her, what will change? You'll still resent her, she'll still be an AH and your mom can live in her fantasy world that everyone loves each other? Hell no.

So, this family clearly has some issues. If you could give the OP any advice, what would it be?

Sources: Reddit
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