Teen takes SIL's side when brother cheats, family says 'blood is thicker.' AITA?
Supporting your family is important, but sometimes even the one's you love the most can cross a line.
One 17-year-old girl was devastated when she found out that her brother had betrayed her long time sister-in-law and their three children. She had known her SIL for her entire life and she looked up to her. When the rest of her family told her she wasn't to speak to her SIL or the children and that should take her brother's side, this OP decided that blood isn't always thicker.
AITA for choosing my sister in law over my brother?
Me (F17), Brother (F29), Sister in law (F29).
My brother Jake (fake name) and sister in law Ashley (fake name) had been together since they were 15. They got married when they were 20 and have 3 kids together. Ashley and i have always been close, she’s like the big sister i never had. My whole family love and adore her and her and Jake always seemed to have the perfect relationship.
A couple of weeks ago, Jake went on a trip with some friends for the weekend because it was one of their birthdays. Ashley didn’t go and stayed home with the kids. However during the trip Jake only checked in with Ashley once which was when he arrived at the destination and never again after that.
It was unusual because he’s always on his phone and told Ashley and my family that he would check in. Ashley decided to call one of Jake’s friends to see if something had happened but when his friend answered he told Ashley that there was no trip and he had no idea where my brother was.
After that we told Ashley to come and stay with us for the rest of the weekend as she was a bit distraught. My brother eventually came home on the Monday and said that he had lost his phone, which was absolute bs and we all knew it.
Before he returned we asked Ashley what she wanted to do with what she knew, she told us not to bring it up with Jake and not to jump to conclusions and that she will handle it. After my brother arrived, he and Ashley headed back to their house.
A few days later my brother messaged my mom to see if he could stay at ours for a bit but he didn’t say why. Not too long after, Ashley messaged us and told us that she confronted him about the trip and how she knew it didn’t exist.
He kept denying it and said that she was just being crazy and that he just lost his phone. He eventually confessed that he was at a coworker’s house and that he had been hooking up with her for a few months.
His excuse was that Ashley and him hardly had sex anymore and so he needed to find someone to fulfill his needs. Ashley ended up kicking him out and they decided to get a divorce.
My brother ended up moving in with us until he finds a place of his own and until the divorce is finalized. I haven’t spoken to him since he moved in and don’t plan to. All i can do is look at him in disgust, i have so much hatred towards him after what he done to Ashley.
My parents are disappointed in him but still love him because he is their son. They told me to forgive him because he is my brother but i just can’t. I have started going to Ashley’s everyday after school to help with the kids and take some stress off her.
My brother found out about this and is mad at me for going over there. He told me to cut her off since they are not together anymore and says she is no longer a part of our family so there is no need for me to to go see or speak to her.
I told him that she will always be a part of our family because she is the mother of your kids. Just because you f*cked up your relationship with her doesn’t mean i have to. I will always love her and i will not be cutting her off. I told him that i will choose her over you if it comes down to that.
After that argument he has not spoken to me or even looked at me. Every time he sees me he walks the other way. My parents have told me to apologize and fix things with him but i don’t think that will ever happen.
My other brothers have sided with him and all think i’m a piece of sh*t for choosing Ashley over my brother. Deep down i still love my brother and don’t want to lose him but what he did is unforgivable to me.
Here are the top comments after the OP's initial post:
Your brother is awful. The rest of your family are enabling his bad behaviour. Maybe when Ashley takes away the grandkids they might change their tune. You are being a decent human being.
Saying you all need to cut her and his kids out? That’s next level villainy. His kids are really that disposable to him that as soon as she won’t stand by a cheater, they’re nothing to him and should have no connection to their family?
Disgusting behavior. NTA. Really mature and a good person with strong morals. Don’t relinquish any of your relationship with her or your nieces and nephews. And quite honestly shame to your parents. Your brother seems like a selfish lost cause
NTA. She’s been in your life since you were what? three years old? I’d think she’s just as much your sibling as he is at this point.
NTA Ashley is the mother of your nieces/nephews. She is the mother of your brother's children so whether he likes it or not, Ashley is going to be a part of the family dynamic, divorced or not. I don't get your parents.
That's their grandchildren who he's decided to hurt, as well as Ashley. You have every right to be angry. I would not apologize. I would continue to help with the kids. If he wants to apologize to YOU for being an ass about the whole thing then okay (by this I mean being 'mad' at you for going over to Ashley's to help with HIS kids).
I find your brother’s behavior very bizarre. He cheats and then tells you to sever ties with the mother of your nieces and nephews. You are a good person for helping your SIL. She sounds wonderful.
3 days later, the OP returned with an update:
UPDATE: AITA for choosing my sister in law over my brother? original post
Firstly i just wanted to answer a common question i keep getting, is my brother still in contact with his kids? No he is not. He has not seen or spoken to them since he was kicked out. His own choice.
Okay so i have not spoken to my brother since our argument, he refuses to talk to me as well as acknowledge me. My parents still insist that i apologize and make things right with him, i have told them i would try to make things right but i will not be apologizing, however my brother does not want to hear anything i say.
I have spoken with my parents about everything and how i feel, it was pointless. They don’t even try to understand my side of things, it’s just all about my brother to them.
Ashley and the kids are doing great. Her family have came down to support her and help out, i also still go over there whenever i can.
My parents have not seen the kids or spoken to them either. Ashley has made it clear that they can visit any time they like but because my brother doesn’t want us to have anything to do with her, they refuse to go over.
Ashley plans to gain full custody of the kids to which my brother has agreed, this was the only time they have spoken to each other since they split up. Ashley is also planning to move closer to her parents which i’m sad about but also happy for her and the kids. They deserve to be happy and away from all this toxicity.
I don’t know if my brother & i will ever fix our relationship but i honestly don’t care anymore. I’m planning to go no contact with him once he leaves.
There’s not much more to say. My brother is still behaving like a child and my parents and brothers still stand beside him. I will update if anything changes. Thank you to everyone for the kind words and advice.
Here are the top comments from readers after the update:
Damnit, the OP's whole family is planning to divorce the kids.
I think it is so pathetic that your parents are giving up a relationship with their own grandchildren for a man who only cares about the wrong part of his anatomy.
I wish Ashley all the best going forward with her and her kids life. A little advice as soon as you can go no contact with your parents in brother since they are obviously punishing the wronged parties here being Ashley and the innocent parties being the kids.
Any man who can walk away from his children for a fling isn't a man at all.
HOW? How are people okay with their children abandoning their own children??? OP's parents are just as awful as her brother. I wish she could go live with Ashley and the kids...
What a pathetic human piece of garbage of a dad he is. I hope Ashley gets child support. Her kids deserve this. Your parents aren't good either. They are enabling your brother on his bad behavior. They took it too far by abandoning their own grand kids. I hope Karma hits your brother like a train someday.
Well done for standing up for Ashley, it's wonderful that she has your support. Your brother sounds like a buffoon.