I (20F) have a brother Jake (31). Jake has a partner Macy (28F) and they have a baby girl together. Since Macy gave birth, she’s been living with my mum and I. She has a lot of health issues that were amplified by pregnancy and labour so we’ve been taking care of her. Jake still lives in their apartment on his own and comes over every so often.
He is putting his all into work right now to progress his career. He is already doing quite well from what I can tell and they’re not financially struggling. He owns their apartment and can afford to give them most things they desire. But he says he isn’t where he wants to be with his career yet.
Meanwhile, Macy is depressed and struggling physically, too. She’s on several medications and she barely leaves the house. My mum and I do 90% of the childcare because Macy isn’t in the state to be doing much although she tries her best and feels very guilty for how much we’ve had to do to take care of my niece.
My mum and I are happy to help and Macy is kind of like a sister to me now. We’re willing to do anything for her. But seeing her so lonely and unhappy is heartbreaking. My brother came over last night to see his daughter for literally 20 minutes then he stood up to leave.
I followed him out and asked where he always is and why he isn’t here with his wife who is clearly struggling and taking care of HIS daughter. He said he works hard and is too tired to come all the way over here after work everyday so he just comes when he can. Bare in mind, it’s a 30 minute drive from their apartment to my mum's house.
I said that one day his daughter won’t even recognise him and neither will his wife because he doesn’t make the effort to be here. He said it isn’t my business and if I’m unhappy helping them with the baby, then I should just stop and that no one is forcing me.
I said I’m not unhappy taking care of my niece but it’s heartbreaking seeing his girlfriend alone in that state and him not being there for her or their daughter. I said he comes to see them probably once a week for 20 minutes and it’s not good enough unless he’s the freaking president of this nation and doesn’t have any time at all, but he’s not.
He works a 9-5 so it’s not like he’s busier than the regular person? I said he should’ve been smarter and not have had a child if he was going to put his career over his family because now he isn’t much of a father at all.
He said he isn’t taking advice on how to be a father from a kid who has no clue what she’s talking about, and that none of this is my business so I should keep my two cents to myself from now on.
I said I don’t have to be older or a parent to know he’s a useless father and that his wife and daughter are extremely unlucky to have a loser like him. I walked into the house before he could respond.
I know I was mean but I don’t really regret it and I don’t think it was unwarranted, but my mum said although I was right, I took it too far and may have pushed my brother away. AITA?
NTA. He sounds pretty useless to me.
He is pleased when working. He doesn't have to worry about a baby and his ill partner. He is young and quite conceited.
NTA. Your brother is pushing himself away with his sh!++y choices. All you did was (very appropriately) call that out. I wonder if there are some things going on in their relationship that he hasn't disclosed to you. It's extremely suspicious that your SIL has effectively moved out of their apartment and he hasn't. Thank you for advocating for your vulnerable SIL and niece.
NTA your Brother is a deadbeat. Who wants to Bet that Bro will soon/already has a new girl?
NTA. He is quite literally being useless, for the most part, and they do sound unlucky to have him. They're living as if he's a nearly absent baby daddy paying child support. When I got near the end and read that he's only working a 9-5, my jaw dropped. His girlfriend and your niece are lucky to have you and your mother. It's very thoughtful of you two to be helping so much.
I'll be honest, a 30 minute drive twice a day can really put some wear and tear on a vehicle and cost a lot on gas, but to stay for only 20 minutes? And to only visit once a week? That's deadbeat behavior. He needed a reality check. He clearly doesn't want to be around any of you and wants to blame it on his piddly 9-5.
OP, out of curiosity, what’s the lifelong condition and how serious is it?
Multiple sclerosis. It’s not her only medical issue but it’s the one causing her the most problems at the moment.
NTA He should be at the very least paying your mom and you for helping. I hope he’s financing his gf and baby. He’s not acting like a partner nor a dad. He’s most likely stepping out with other young women to boot.