Man wants to kick stepdaughter out for bullying his 6yo daughter about dead mom. AITA?
'AITA for threatening to kick my step daughter out unless she apologises to my daughter?'
I(40m) have a daughter 'Nina'(12f). I also have a step daughter 'Kelly'(16f) and me and my wife 'Anna' have a child(6f) together. This is about Nina and Kelly.
I have met my wife when Kelly was 5 and within a year she and Kelly moved in with me. The house we live in has been in my family for generations and passed on to me when I was really young. I have also made some renovations there.
It is a 4 bedroom house with 4 bathrooms (one is downstairs and is a guest one, with 3 upstairs, one is shared between 2 rooms), so each girl has her own room and an ensuite, which is especially helpful with Kelly due to how long she now takes with her make up.
This has started about a month ago when Nina would come home crying due to bullying at her school. Me and Anna spend ages trying to get the school to do something and find out where the bullying comes from.
It all came to a conclusion a week ago when we found out that it was Kelly who was spreading the rumours about Nina. I was furious and confronted her about it as some rumors were based on Nina not having a mum (she died during childbirth).
Kelly didn't take the confrontation very well. She accused me of favouring Nina (Nina has slightly bigger bedroom but smaller bathroom) and Kelly wanted more space. I said I am not going to move Nina out of her room after all these years and Kelly has already declined to swap with us as she doesn't want to share her bathroom with anyone, including our 6 years old.
I have told Kelly that she must apologise to Nina as some of the things she said were vile and not deserved and told her she will be grounded if she still behaved like Nina's friend while spreading those rumours behind her back. Kelly threw a fit and claimed Nina is a threat to her and her reputation, but I stayed firm as I don't see how a 12yo can be a threat to a highschooler?
As Kelly started saying more vile things about Nina and our 6yo, I have told her she has 48 hours to pick her belongings and I will be dropping her off at her dad's (she visits him every other week), where she will have to share a room and the bathroom with her other half siblings.
Kelly and Anna are both annoyed at me over this and have called me an asshole. Anna said I have no right to parent Kelly, but she is in my home and her behaviour towards my daughters is not acceptable.
Edit: I might have worded it wrong, by dropping her off I don't mean Kelly will be living at her dad's permanently. This is until she apologises to Nina for the things she said to her and about her, and to me and Anna over what was said about our 6yo, since some of it was unnecessary cruel and untrue.
Edit: I know it is late, but here is a small update. I have spoken to Anna about what Kelly said about Nina and our 6yo and have also showed this post. Anna has apologised for brushing it off, she said Kelly didn't tell her most of the story and blamed others on the rumours and she haven't realised the extend of it.
She will be having a conversation with Kelly and Kelly's dad tomorrow as this behaviour is not acceptable or appropriate. To put it lightly she is horrified of the comments made by her about both girls and finds it vile, she is also shocked that Kelly made them in the first place.
Now to address some of the comments. Having Kelly to go and live with her father is a temporary solution and never intended to be permanent, especially if she changes her ways. It was more to separate her from Nina and 6yo to make sure no more damage is done while we are not watching.
If roles were reversed and it was Nina who is at fault, I would have sent her to her grandparents to sort out the next move. I have seen a lot of suggestions about therapy, Anna said she will book it as soon as she has a chat with Kelly as she wants to know what caused a sudden change.
I'm not cutting Kelly from my will, unless she carrys on displaying such anger towards her sisters. I'm not selling TS tickets either since it is something Kelly wanted to attend for years. However if there's no progress it will be my wife and her friend going to see TS.
Nina is having a few days off from school and I will be taking her out to the zoo and spending some father/daughter time together, I will also ask if she feels she wants therapy to talk things through. Me and Anna will also be taking our 6yo to see some cartoons this weekend and to her favourite cafe (Nina can come too, but she is usually busy at the riding school on the weekends).
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Sebscreen
NTA. 'Anna said I have no right to parent Kelly.'
Excuse me? If they happily accepted your 'right' to parent her when it was about providing an ample 4 bedroom house, including a bedroom with an ensuite for Kelly, then they should have no problem seeing your right to parent her when she is trying to ruin the lives of her sisters.
Darthkhydaeus
These responses from parents in blended families always give me pause. You can provide financial abd emotional support, but when it comes to discipline suddenly you are not a real parent and should know your place.
throatinmess
Especially when that discipline is needed to help 2x other kids within the same house!
PlateNo7021
NTA, You do have a right to parent her, when you married her mom you became the step-dad. She shoulnd't be saying shitty stuff about Nina nor the 6yo. She's extremely jealous of her sisters. Anna should be on your side here, you're not asking for much here, just want her to apologize and stop her horrible behaviour.
bythebrook88
'She accused me of favouring Nina (Nina has slightly bigger bedroom but smaller bathroom) and Kelly wanted more space. I said I am not going to move Nina out of her room after all these years and Kelly has already declined to swap with us as she doesn't want to share her bathroom with anyone, including our 6 years old.'
INFO: Have you asked Kelly exactly how bullying her stepsister will provide Kelly with 'more space'? Because it seems to me that she is trying to drive out both of her sisters so she can be the only child at home. This is a crazy thing to do when the girls are 12 and 6, and are living with their parents - they have no other parent to live with, unlike Kelly.
I assume Nina has the larger room because she was already occupying it when Kelly and Anna moved in, and ensuring stability for Nina was very important when the family was being 'blended'?
The OP responded here:
No_Kaleidoscope_5113
I have, Kelly couldn't answer that. My only thought is Kelly might feel jealous of Nina as Nina has a few lessons a week in tennis and horse riding and is doing fairly well in them, Kelly had the same opportunity but is not interested and instead did some make up courses + trips and is going to see Taylor swift, so it is not like we are not giving her an opportunity, it is more of Kelly not taking all of them when she is encouraged to do so?
I have mentioned in my other comment that Kelly has a significantly bigger bathroom and it is the biggest bathroom in the house as when Anna and Kelly first moved in Kelly really liked the larger bath and the space, which proved useful with her makeup addiction. The 3 rooms are not that different in size tbh and Nina's might also look bigger because she has less clutter compared to Kelly.