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Stepdad refuses to pay for stepdaughter's college, 'she calls me a servant.' AITA?

Stepdad refuses to pay for stepdaughter's college, 'she calls me a servant.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to pay for my step-daughter's college?"

EnvironmentalPea5652

My (48 M) step-daughter Hannah (18 F) is going to attend college. I know her for around 4 years since I married her mother. The issue, though, is that we've never gotten along well.

I have tried, but she always says that she doesn't like me and wants her "real" Dad. When I try to tell her stuff or scold her for behaving out of order, she'd say "You are not my father, you're just some stranger". My wife Emily asked her to behave properly as well, but she doesn't care to listen and in the end she stopped telling her as well.

I had to pick Hannah up at school once, and when a couple of people who did not know I was her step-Dad asked her who I was, she said "Oh, he's a servant, actually" in front of my face. I was extremely mad at that and it even resulted in a huge argument, although she played it off as a "joke".

But this was the last straw and that happened a good few months back. After that I have always treated her as if she's invisible and barely had any interactions with her unless absolutely necessary.

Well, she talked to me presently and said she's got to apply to college and wants me to pay her fees now. I refused and asked her to ask her "real Dad" (who refused to pay for it himself). She began to protest and said I am affecting her education and that I cannot do that.

But I did not relent and said she's not my business now. My wife says refusing to pay is wrong and that I overreacted even though she's not been nice to me. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

Inner-Nothing7779

NTA. She made this bed by treating you so poorly. She gets to lie in it now. I'd have a sit down with both your wife and her at the same time to explain that because you were never dad or a man to respect, and just a servant, that she's not your child and you have 0 obligation to pay for her schooling. Dad can do it. That had she been reasonable, things likely would have been different. Then stick to your guns.

VinylHighway

Let her mom pay?

deadhand31

NTA. She hasn't treated you as a PERSON respectfully, even less as a step father. She made demeaning jokes about you to her friends without regard to your feelings. Now that she needs something you're suddenly important enough to her to support her? No, she's an adult now. She can take out loans like everyone else. This is the bed she made now she can lay in it.

Competitive_Chef_188

She expects a “stranger” to pay for her college? Yeah, doesn’t work like that. She can beg her “real Dad” some more. NTA.

UnluckyCountry2784

This is why i’m never marrying someone with kids. It became your obligation when in fact it’s not. Sad to say you’re married to her mom. The mom can touch your money and spend it on her daughter’s fees even if you don’t agree with it.

Famous_Specialist_44

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes with a wife expecting you to buy into family responsibilities and a step daughter who is going to take full advantage of the good stuff and shrug her shoulders about everything else. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. NTA.

firestar126784

NTA since you are not responsible for any expenses for your stepdaughter. The bio parents are fully responsible. If you had a proper relationship it would be nice to contribute but not required but since the relationship is contentious it’s weird that she even asked.

One question, why are you with the mom? I wouldn’t want to be with a partner who lets their child be so disrespectful. It’s one thing to not like you and continue to be polite. If the daughter said it’s my mother’s husband that would be appropriate.

Thoughtinspace

NTA. Her birth parents had all the time in the world to figure this out. Now is a great time to teach her the hard lesson that she can’t have it both ways.

So, do you think the OP is being too harsh or is his stepdaughter trying to take advantage of him?

Sources: Reddit
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