Woman fed up with sister being jealous of her daughter being 'musical prodigy.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my sister to stop trying to ‘outshine’ my daughter"
Key-Gift2130
This happened a couple days ago. I (34M) have a 9 year old daughter who picked up playing piano at 5 and I seriously see her as a prodigy. She composes her own symphonies. She is destined to be massively successful & I’ve gotten her to play at weddings, a church a few times and other social events.
Anyway, my sister (26f) is one of those ‘rainbow baby’ situations and given that fact my whole family has obsessed over her since her birth. She’s incredibly entitled and spoiled and was especially upset when our parents began caring more about my late wife’s pregnancy with our daughter.
You may think she and I act the same - but my daughter’s piano talent is not the only part of her personality. It just takes up a large portion of our lives. And it’s not all I talk about or the only thing my daughter has for herself.
We had family fly in from Germany for one of her big recitals for the first time in a few years. My daughter did amazingly, but the whole time my sister was saying that they’re only impressed because of how young she is and that she could do this and none of us would be amazed.
She proceeded to make the whole recital about herself and when we went out to dinner to celebrate after, my sister was making snarky comments to my daughter that it wasn’t that good.
I asked her why she had such a f*%$#@g vendetta against a 9 year old and why she couldn’t just for once have the attention be on someone else for a damn night and that if she was going to complain she shouldn’t have come at all.
She was very upset at this and told me how I ‘took away her childhood’ by forcing her to pursue music (which she had come to ME and her late mother about) and it escalated into a massive fight between us. She ended up leaving early and going back to her hotel room.
My parents say that I shouldn’t have lashed out on her like that and they have since apologized for making her feel ‘left out.’ Well, they leave for their flight tomorrow night and my sister won’t talk to me. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
DragonBard_Z
NTA. You may have issues to work out with your family, but good on you for standing up for your daughter. Whether or not her skill is overinflated in your eyes, no one should be putting down a 9 year old on her skills after a performance. WTF.
Savings_Associate_21
NTA! Your sister needs to grow up and your parents need to stop sheltering and fueling your sisters selfishness. Your daughter is 9, that is impressive and your sister just can’t seem to be happy for anyone. Tell your sister and parents if they can’t come support your daughter without making it about themselves then they’re uninvited.
Your daughter deserves to be surrounded by people who are genuinely supportive of her, not selfish people who only think about themselves and will shit on a kid who is doing their best. Keep it going! Ur a good father.
The OP responded here:
Key-Gift2130
I was really expecting this to happen, too. I didn’t want them to come but they also said they were long overdue to visit my daughter and I, and wanted to see her play. Thank you for your kind words. I’m doing my best out here being single & working full time.
Libba_Loo
"my sister won’t talk to me." Problem solved. NTA
Zealousideal-Divide6
NTA. Your daughter is 9 years old, there's no excuse for your adult sister to make snarky comments about her piano skills. Whether she's a prodigy or not, an adult shouldn't put down a child especially not after their recital.
Your sister needs to apologize to you and your daughter. She also needs to get some therapy because a well rounded adult wouldn't feel threatened by a 9-year old child.
alien_overlord_1001
NTA. Your sister is jealous of a 9 year old which is a bit sad, so whilst you were rude, you weren't wrong. I will say though, musicians are rarely 'massively successful' LOL. If she is that good, she will get a lot of attention whilst she is a child, but once she grows up, the novelty of being a 'child prodigy' will wear off, and if she isn't prepared for that, it's going to be hard going for her.
She might make a living out of music if she is lucky. You aren't the one that decides if she is a 'prodigy' either btw - other professionals have to make that pronouncement - you are her father, you think everything she does is amazing so you may be blowing it out of proportion.
I hope you aren't building her up for a huge fall - I'm always wary of parents who think their kids are 'geniuses' and 'prodigies'...with no one outside of their family to back it up...
The OP again responded here:
Key-Gift2130
No, I understand that. I have been told by some of her tutors otherwise. I’m not trying to make her end up like my sister.