I (31F) have been with my husband (33M) for 12 years. We've faced fertility issues and have embryos frozen from our last IVF attempt. We're planning on using them next year.
My younger sister (28F) was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer two years ago. Her chances of survival are slim, and treatments have rendered her infertile. She's been with her partner (30M) for 5 years, and they had dreams of starting a family.
Last week, she and her partner sat me down. Tearfully, she asked if they could use one of our embryos. Her rationale was that it would be a way for a part of her to live on, even if she didn't. She said she's come to terms with her mortality but wants her partner to have a family and a piece of her. She believes this could give her a sense of purpose in her remaining days.
I was taken aback. I empathize with her desperation, but those embryos represent my potential children. Giving one away would feel like giving away a child.
Before I could respond, she dropped another bombshell. She confessed that, many years ago, she had a drunken one-night stand with my now-husband. They were young and stupid, it was before he and I became official, and she swore they both regretted it immediately and never spoke of it again.
She said she was telling me now because she didn't want to have any secrets between us if I agreed to her request. I was shattered. The pain of the betrayal, coupled with her request, was overwhelming. I lashed out and told her she couldn't have our embryos and that she was dead to me.
My family is divided. Some say I reacted in the heat of the moment and should reconsider, given her terminal condition. Others believe she was manipulative in revealing the secret alongside her request, and I have every right to deny her. So, AITAH?
Ummm, NTA. Besides the fact that your embryos already have 2 sets of DNA, meaning no part of that baby would be a piece of her....there's also the fact that a major request like that following an admission of betrayal has a pretty low likelihood of being honored. She could kept that last piece of info for sure!
Almost like OPs sister has done it thinking I'll blow up your life so you won't want to use them then I can have them. I'd hope OP would destroy every one of them before giving them to her sister. Absolutely awful thing to do to someone. OP is NTA.
NTA but this is a mess all around. A lot to unpack here: first your sister has less than 2 years to live? Is that with therapy or without? Would it even be safe for her or that child to spend half of it with her pregnant?
Second, just say she had the child successfully, I think it’s horrendously selfish to have a child knowing it will never have a mother to see it grow up. Third, just because she carries the child doesn’t mean that it’s part of her and her fiancé. Lastly, while she could ask, there is no obligation on you to ever say yes.
Just as you said, that’s like giving away one of your own children. The second issue here is the affair bombshell she dropped on you. Why do this? She’s not afraid of awkwardness. She’s had 12 years to feel awkward.
She did this so you’d feel less attached to those embryos now that you know this perfect future you might have envisioned with your husband and kid/kids has effectively been poisoned by her. You can’t really call it infidelity if it happened before you and hubby were official but it’s certainly a betrayal by her and especially by him.
That was cruel and, IMO, intentional. Your sister is selfish and manipulative. Has she always like this or has cancer brought out a desperate, ugly side of her? I don’t know, but you’re right to keep away from her. I wish you the best, OP.
She seems like an extremely selfish and evil person. Wanting to bring a baby into the world as she leaves it. Leaving the baby to a life of would have and could haves. And to reveal the cheating? Pure evil.
NTA but make it make sense “I want my sister to GIFT me one of HER embryos so let me persuade her by telling her that I F*CKED HER HUSBAND that’ll sure convince her” like ?????????
She told you that she slept with your then boyfriend to manipulate you. She wanted you to be upset so that you wouldn’t want to use the embryo and give it to her for her terminal illness. Drop the sister and the husband. NTA.