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Brother told he 'ruined wedding' by not attending; 'you told me not to come.' Updated 4X

Brother told he 'ruined wedding' by not attending; 'you told me not to come.' Updated 4X


"I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wife's family with one innocent text message."


So my brother's wedding happened two days ago. And it turned into a complete chaos which I know even though I don't were there. You might wonder why I didn't attend the wedding if its my brother's. Well its because of his wife's family.

He did sent me an invitation to the wedding because he wanted me there but his fiance told him I couldn't attend because I had a boyfriend. You might be confused. But I'm a man. A bisexual man to be exact and I have a boyfriend who I wanted to bring to the wedding.

She said even though she doesn't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that, her extremely religious parents who already forced her to do the wedding in a church would most likely banish us from the wedding and cause trouble between our families.

After she told him that my brother told me I couldn't attend and told me why, you might think I was angry. The truth is I was relieved. I hate going to big events with lots of people because of my social anxiety and I already was used to not being able to attend certain events because of my sexuality so it was nothing I haven't heard before.

So on the day of the wedding, I stayed at home with my boyfriend. Its worth mentioning my parents apparently didn't know I wasn't attending the wedding. I was chilling at home cuddling with my boyfriend when I suddenly got a text message from my parents asking me where I was because they couldn't find me at the wedding party.

I told them I wasn't attending the wedding and asked if my brother hadn't told them anything. They said no and asked me what happened. I didn't see any reason to lie, so I sent them a text message telling them exactly why.

Now I have to admit I don't exactly know what happened after I sent them this message because they read it but didn't reply. And why do they care in the first place? They didn't notice I wasn't there before, until the wedding was already over. They only noticed when the wedding party started.

However, apparently my parents talked to my brother about it and all of a sudden my absence was the main topic of the wedding party. From what I heard, two fronts formed.

It was my parents and the rest of my family against the family of my brother's wife and apparently he as a husband now felt compelled to take her side and tried to argue in her favor.

Its crazy to think that I was just sitting at home living my best life with my boyfriend while all of that went down on his wedding. The wedding party was ruined and my brother appeared on my door angrily screaming at me asking why I felt the need to ruin his wedding.

I was confused and asked him what happened and he told me everything. I told him it wasn't my intention. I just told our parents what happened because they didn't know and wanted to know where I was and I thought he told them beforehand.

He screamed at me that I ruined his wedding. I told him its not my fault he wasn't honest with them. I just respected their wish for me not to attend the wedding. I couldn't know it would go down like this because, like I said, I couldn't attend several events before because of my sexuality and my parents never said anything about it. So, I thought it would be the same thing here.

But I gotta admit its kinda sweet that my parents and the rest of my family stood up for me. They haven't done it before. That's a more than welcome change. But I still feel kinda bad because apparently I really ruined the wedding party.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:


You didn’t do anything. You just explained the situation. Every action following that was a grown-ass adult choosing their own actions.


And the snowball effect landed a big ass golden egg right on his lap as it passed by to run the wedding over lmao.


Ops brother is so stupid not to even realise that his wife ruined the wedding the second she told him his brother wasn't welcome. But he comes and screams at his brother what a pathetic mess of a person.


You didn't ruin the party though, did you? You didn't turn up anyway and make a huge scene because you weren't allowed to bring the plus one of your choice. You were told you couldn't attend and why and you didn't attend.

The issue is with everyone else who, in 2023 still has problems with this stuff like who likes who. Well done to your parents for standing up for you. Some of us should be so lucky.


It's not your job to hide the things he does. It's his job not to do them.

A year later, the OP returned with an update.

"UPDATE: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message."


Hadn't thought I'd give an update but many interesting things happened. So after my brothers visit his wife and him went to honeymoon. And the way the wedding party went might have been even worse than I imagined. What happens now is incredible.

When I said in the main post that two fronts had formed, I only meant that metaphorically, of course, but it's no longer that. While nothing much interesting happened in the first two days afterwards the terror started as soon as my brother and his wife went on their honeymoon.

My mom and my dad visited me and told me how the wedding party escalated and they were so close to physical violence. I thought it was funny at first but this truly bothers me. I also wanna point that you did a great job at convincing me its not my fault but hearing my parents side still gave me a bad feeling in my stomach.

However like I said the terror started shortly after they went to their honeymoon. And when I say terror I mean that my SIL's family found both my facebook and instagram account and started spamming me with hateful messages.

I received insults and hateful messages from various different accounts who all had one thing in common. They all had somewhat of a christian theme and all of them had the same last name. So it wasn't hard to find out whose accounts it was. Mainly because I don't know my SIL's family at all. I only know her and I know her parents were homophobic christians.

But whatever. They not only started attacking me they also found the account of my boyfriend over my account because we're linked as a couple and started to send him the same messages. the messages contained on one side typical bigot stuff like: "you're burning in hell for your sins".

One even called me and my boyfriend "two devils in disguise". The other side were just blatant insults. You get the idea. I called my parents and told them what they are doing.

Then I sent a text message to my brother with screenshots of the messages his wife's family sent me to which he replied that I "shouldn't disturb him with that during his honeymoon as I already destroyed his wedding party".

I couldn't believe it. He was just like them. He did sent me an apology AFTER my mom told me she called him. But none of this is the main reason I'm giving you this update this early.

Because I got a call this morning from an unknown number. I hesitated because I thought it was one of them. And I was right but it was none of the people who insulted me.

I heard a woman's voice who introduced herself as the half sister of my brothers wife. She said it didn't went unnoticed what her family was doing and she wanted to apologize for them.

I told her I'm not going to tell anyone in her family about this and that I don't blame her for her families actions. She thanked me and hung up. I don't know why but I have this feeling she only did this to protect her family from being reported.

My mother wrote to me earlier that she wants to report the insults and the harassment of these people and that she demands for my brother to divorce his wife or she will disinherit him from her will because "that's not how she raised him".

A little radical in my opinion but I understand where she's coming from. This entire thing escalated so much its unbelievable. Thank y'all for your support on my first post.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's first update:


Can you report them on Facebook and Instagram? I keep screen shots of everything and document it incase you need to have to file harassment charges down the line -I even keep that phone number from the apologetic caller.


Can't wait for the next update. Let your mom be mama bear. You two really could be in danger given how these people are acting. Your brother needs a serious wakeup call. Stay safe OP, id start keeping some pepper spray on you.


How is reporting them for harassment going to out this half sister? Not like the reporting of the harassment will do anything anyway. Honestly, this family can all rot. I'd take screenshots of every message they sent and blast it everywhere. Oh and your brother can also rot, since he's chosen this family over yours.

The OP responded here:


I meant that I think she might have only apologized for her family because she already knew that us reporting the harrassment might happen.


Your are still not guilty for any of this. SIL' Family are angry about a group of people existing. Thats a them-problem. They choose to be angry, they choose to be hatefull and the choose to attack you for who you are. Just keep being you, but I would indeed document all the messages you get and whom you get those from, in cause you need to report them.

Eleven days after, the OP returned with another update.

"Update 2: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message."


Its been a few days. First of all. Me and my boyfriend are fine. Luckily for us they didn't go any further than their text messages. My mom filed a report against them. I don't know the current situation about that as I haven't filed the report myself.

The reason I update you is a different one. First of all. One person in my SIL's family is actually going to testify in my favor and against her family. It really takes courage to do so. Its the same person that called me in the last update.

Somehow they found out that she is into women. No reason to hide it anymore. However she said she's fine and is going to stay at a friends house. I have so much respect for what she does. Imagine the strength you need to testify against your own family. I now feel bad for assuming she only called me to safe her family from being reported.

More importantly. What is the current situation with my brother? Well my mom talked to him and told him to leave his wife or she will disinherit him from her will. He decided to stay with his wife and my mom made her threat come true. He's no longer in her will.

My father did the same. When I visited them I also told them that I wish that this entire situation went different. They assured me its not my fault but I feel like if it wasn't for me then my family wouldn't be ripped apart like this.

Haven't talked to my brother since then. My boyfriend feels similar. He also told me he kinda feels responsible for all this chaos. I assured him its not his fault. But honestly I wasn't even sure if I could say this in my position. On the other hand it was my SIL's families bigotry that ruined everything and everything would've been fine if I could've just attended.

But now its time for me to grow distant to this situation. We see what the report will do. I followed your advice to document everything. The insulting and harassing messages continued until two days ago. So I have much to say about them.

Unfortunately homophobia is still very much normalized in our society. I already said it in a post in my profile but the reason I'm so calm and casual about the situation is the simple fact that I'm used to situations like this. They don't get to me anymore.

If I let any insult get to me I wouldn't make it for a long time. Its a coping mechanism. I've been into situations where I was sent into hospital because I kissed my boyfriend in public. So insults and harassment like theirs is nothing I haven't seen before. I want to say thank you for all your support on my first two posts.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's second update:


Wow your brother should be ashamed of himself he married a homophobic witch and he’s staying with her knowing what she and her family think of you. He deserves his karma with that toxic family. I’m sorry you and your boyfriend are suffering due to them. Best of luck for the future.


hope if Brother and SIL have children that they are not gay or that your brother comes to his senses. what do you gain from homophobia? But none of this helps you and your friend in this situation. I wish you strength and that the pain of losing your brother does not last.

Two months later, the OP returned with another update.

"Final Update: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message."


I think some of y'all are waiting for an update so here I am. Keep in mind that this update will probably be the last one. So last time I told you my mother was pressing charges against them and to my surprise we won. They weren't going to jail or anything but they had to pay for their actions. LITERALLY.

There was one incident where my SIL dad was actually trying to find out where I lived and asked my brother who told him. Only god knows what he would've done to us if we still had lived there.

But in the time span of the last two months me and my boyfriend moved to a different place which my brother didn't know anything off. Also their social media accounts were deleted. However I don't know if this was part of their punishment or if they did it themselves.

My mom has also carried out the threat towards my brother and disinherited him from her will. After he came back from his honeymoon he begged her to put him in again. She said only if he apologized to me.

She invited me and my boyfriend over and my brother sat in the living room with this mad look on his face. She made him apologize but I didn't accept this apology because I could tell it wasn't sincere. He did it because he had to and not because he was actually sorry. I told my brother that I am disappointed in him for who he became.

Before that we had this huge bond usually never judged each other for stuff like this and all of a sudden he has such a problem with me having a boyfriend. I just don't get it. I told him that I miss the old him. He didn't respond to anything.

He just sat their quietly staring at the bottom. After I finished he just got up and left. This was the last time I spoke with him and its already been a few weeks since this happened. My parents paid much more attention to the discrimination I face since this incident.

They wanted to learn more about the problems I face as a queer person. I really love them. My dad even got a bisexual pride flag for me and asked if he could hang it in our bedroom. I love that I have such great parents.

I just wished for my brother to become the person he once was. Btw. since the case with my SIL's family is over I didn't heard anything about their lesbian daughter. She supported us during the process but we lost contact afterwards and I just hope she's fine.

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's third update:


Wow, that your brother gave his FIL your address, knowing full well that he meant to do you harm... that would have ended it for me, no coming back from that.


Yeah I agree, the moment I read that I basically regarded him as irredeemable, the fact that your parents would still have him in the will after just an apology, makes me feel they are wonderful people. Sad to see such an incident take place, but glad you could learn you have such supportive parents OP, and I'm sorry for the loss of your brother (in the sense that he's chosen this hill).

Despite the title of the OP's last update, the returned with one more 8 months later.

"NEW Update: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message."


The final update of my story happened six months ago and I figured some of you might be interested in how things currently doing. So i'm back at least for this post right now.

There have been some things that happened. First of all I wanna give you an update about the sister of my brothers wife. Around two months after my update she texted us and asked if she could come over.

We talked a while and I was relieved to find out that she is fine. She said that she moved in with her girlfriend when the case was over. Simply because her parents and the rest of her family had disowned her and threatened her with physical violence if she dares to return.

However the relationship with her girlfriend ended after a while and she asked us if she could stay for a few days until she found something. She stayed with us for two weeks.

During that time my parents had visited us and offered her to stay with them because they had a big house with some free space. She stays there currently because she wanted to study and my parents had no problem with letting her stay a little longer. Me and my boyfriend also support her financially a little bit.

We included her into several different celebrations such as Christmas and new years eve and I feel like she is like the sister I never had. Whats probably more interesting for you is how my brother is currently doing. The truth is: I don't know exactly.

We haven't talked since the "apology" however he actually tried to attend our Christmas celebration party but the moment he appeared my dad kicked him out and said that, and i quote "this homophobic rubbish is no longer allowed in my house". I love him. Oh btw of course both went through with disowning him.

My boyfriend and I are still together and I feel like he might be the one I wanna marry. This entire situation made our bond so much stronger. I plan on proposing to him but there are so many ideas floating around in my head for the proposal that I can't really decide which one.

Also the social media accounts of my SIL's family had disappeared entirely. All of them but I assume the already made new ones under a new name. I'm just glad all of this is finally over.

I don't have any compassion left for my brother. I just wish he had never developed this way. Everything that happened to him he brought it on himself. If you guys want I can update you when I'm engaged. Thanks for reading. Wish you all the best! <3

Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's latest update:


Be sure to also hire security at your future wedding in case your brother, his wife, and his in laws try to boycott it in any shape or form if they somehow find out where it'll take place.

The OP responded here:


I never thought about that but true. If someones would try to do something like this as a revenge its them. I keep this in mind.


Suggestion for the proposal - There is lots of societal pressure to do something extravagant and over the top. If you are both into that sort of thing, great. If not, make it simple and meaningful. Go to the restaurant where you had your first real supper date.

Go to a park that you enjoy spending time at. Do something that will be meaningful for the two of you. For example. My partner is very close to their family. Every sunday we eat there for supper. When I proposed, I did at one of those suppers with all her family around her.

So, if you could give the OP any advice, what would you tell them?

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