Woman tells husband's ex, "I gave your son bone marrow, but I still hate you." AITA?
'AITA for refusing to become friends with my husband's former wife after donating bone marrow to my stepson?'
Additional_County150
I've been married to 'Chris' for 10 years. Before me, he was married to 'Lacey' for 8, but they were together since high school. They have four kids. Chris and I have two.
Lacey hated me. It was beyond our personalities. I think she was bitter over being divorced and seeing the man who she was with since 16 move on. But that's her problem not mine. We've gotten into it a few times. I'm not apologizing to her because I'm happy and she's not.
Chris and Lacey's youngest son 'Jacob' was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma and needed a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately no one in his family was a match.
I also got tested and was a match. Lacey actually asked me if I was going to donate like I'm some kind of witch. Of course I donated and Jacob is in remission as of this year and is your average 13yo kid.
Lacey has started to come around to me because she knows what I did for Jacob. That's her favorite son. It's bizarre to have her ask me how I'm doing or send me random flowers.
The truth is that I don't want to be friends with her. The damage has been done between us and my life is peaceful without her. I'd do what I did a million more times if I had to. No need to shower me with accolades. Just leave me alone. That's exactly what I told her.
She told me that what I said was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said or done to her. My husband said I should apologize but I refuse to apologize for setting up boundaries with someone I can't stand.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
DinaFelice
'I had to literally save your child's life (which by the way, I did not do for you) in order for you to change your view of me. But I didn't deserve your hatred for all those years, and you deciding that I'm now 'good enough' doesn't magically undo the way you treated me when you thought that I wasn't 'good enough.'
You owe me years worth of apologies and attempts to make it up to me. But the best way for you to start making it up to me is to leave me alone. The fact that you refuse to do that and are instead trying to make me feel bad for you tends to indicate that you aren't actually sorry for how you treated me.
And if you don't regret what you did, then what are we even talking about?'
NTA. You never owe anyone your friendship. As long as you treat her politely (even if it is distant politeness) whenever your paths cross, you have fulfilled your social obligation. And I'd be curious why your husband thinks you owe her an apology for establishing a legitimate boundary.
AffectionateCable793
I'm gonna get hate for this but NTA.
The best thanks she can give is to leave you alone. But she couldn't even do that.
PuckTrick
NTA. You’re allowed to have boundaries and She needs to respect your boundaries.
NumbersGuy22
OP I agree with you 100% - why in the world can't people respect other people's boundaries? If you want nothing to do with them, then why can't they leave you alone because you said there's nothing more to say?
The damage has been done, there's no going back to rectify the situation, you came through for Jacob which is what you did as a co-parent, you want life to be as it was before everything happened.
People look like I'm crazy when I tell them the same thing when I have moved on from their drama. Stick to what makes you at peace.