Wife jealous of husband's bond with twin sister; he says, 'she needs me.' AITA?
"AITA for snapping at my wife for butting into personal time with my sister?"
Consistent-Tension33
Ok title is awful. But my twin sister and I (25) and my wife (36) have been having an issue. While growing up my sister and I had very traumatic and painful experiences and we had no family support except for our selves.
I haven’t explained in detail to my wife what we went through. I have explained briefly so she understands but I haven’t gone into details. The only one who gets is my sister because we leaned on each other to survive. We are both in therapy but we still find more comfort between ourselves than talking about it to others.
As a result we hangout every month. Just us. Of course my wife and I and my sister and her partner have double dates couple of times a month, but we hangout just us for a day just because it’s therapeutic and enjoyable. We joke about stuff in a way no one else gets.
My wife doesn’t like this. I genuinely don’t know why because I take her out on dates 2 a week and we have no kids and she hangs out with her friends all the time one on one.
I have talked to her many times about this, saying it just helps to hangout with your sibling just one on one to have fun (she has no siblings) but she says that I’m excluding her from bonding which is not true because my sister has made attempts to get closer to my wife but other that double dates my wife hasn’t accepted.
Yesterday was supposed to be hangout day but while I was playing video games my wife barged in and demanded I leave and spend time with her. I said no, right now I want to spend time with my sister and we can talk more about this at dinner.
She got really upset and now isn’t talking to me. I don’t see how I did anything wrong because I always take my wife on dates and stuff. It’s just one day but idk. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
octopusforgood
NTA, but I do think that I can see why your wife would be jealous of your relationship with your sister. The fact that she isn’t even allowed to know the full story may feel like a pretty big barrier between her and your most inner life. A lot of spouses would find the idea that they’re not your most trusted confidante to be an unsettling proposition.
That doesn’t mean that you don’t have a right to the way you feel, or to manage your own personal trauma in the way that works best for you. But I do think that you and your wife should talk to a couples therapist about this issue, and it may be the case that she’s simply not able to get over it. That would be unfortunate, but it may be possible.
Terribly_comfortable
NTA. also that age gap has me side eyeing your wife.
Moist-Albatross-5679
If your wife is not agreeing to you hanging out with your TWIN sister MINIMUM once a month, im sorry but respectfully shes the AH.
0biterdicta
NTA. (Not so) funny isn't it that your spouse who is 11 years your senior turns out to be incredibly insecure and controlling. OP, people who have bad pasts can be more likely to fall in with bad partners. Have you considered some therapy for yourself?
debdnow
NTA: You spend time with many people in different ways. It sounds like you give a lot of attention and love to your wife. It also sounds like she's jealous of your bond with your twin. Maybe she's intimidated by you being twins (some people have problems with how close twins can be), but that's a her problem, not a you problem. She needs to deal with this on her own.