Man angry GF pays family mortgage instead of buying him, 'my million dollar home.' RESPONSE
"AITA for being upset about debt my girlfriend took on to help her family?"
Purple_Ad_823
My (33M) girlfriend (33F) and I have been together for one year and we’ve recently started talking about our financial situations in preparation for marriage in the future.
I found out that my girlfriend has a 600k mortgage under her name for the family home where she and her family currently live. She co-owns the home with her brother and their family has lived there for the past 8 years. The payments for the mortgage and all other bills are paid by everyone living there, so my girlfriend only contributes about a quarter of her income to paying the loan.
There are 22 years left on the mortgage and she let me know that the plan is that they would not be selling the home once we got married and she would move out of it, while the mortgage and bills will then be paid by her family who will continue living there.
Her parents are both older and her mother has a disability, so she let me know that her brother and her bought the house to help their parents have a secure place to live and this house is important to keep for her family’s well-being.
My girlfriend has no other debts aside from this mortgage and she earns a six figure salary (more than I do). She has mentioned that she is willing to work a second part-time job to help us buy our own home in the future if needed, and she also has an emergency savings, investments, and other savings to help with a future down payment.
She plans to continue getting salary increases and is very hard working and ambitious, but I’m worried about the mortgage in her name. This is making me reconsider the relationship - AITA for being upset about this?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
Brief-Tumbleweed918
YTA. Read all of their comments. She makes more and has all the assets. OP's life goal is to live in a million dollar home (shallow much?) and she is their ticket home. OP, PLEASE do your girlfriend a favor and dump her. She is WAY out of your league.
"Why should I have to increase my income?" whined OP. Um, because, on your income, you can't buy anything. A million dollars house. Okay, gold digger.
Laxlady911
YTA, and it has nothing to do with you thinking financially, it has everything to do with you looking at your girlfriend like she is your quick and easy way to the nice life. You're only concerned about this mortgage because because of what you bring to the table and your unwillingness to work harder.
You've said in your own comments you make 90k while your gf makes a 6 figure salary, and you don't want to live in a $500k home. Meanwhile on your own you can't even afford to live in a $500k home.
You bring nothing financially to this relationship, and yet, you're willing to leave her because she can't provide you a bigger a home. You're selfish and greedy, not financially savvy.
Amkha
YTA. Your girlfriend sounds like a caring, thoughtful and responsible daughter/sister. She is taking care of her family along with her brother. That's what a caring family should do for each other. If you don't like it, you know that you don't have to stay.
You are free to find someone who suits your ideas more and your wonderful girlfriend can find someone who appreciates her. When you marry someone, you marry their family unless they are horrible people (which from your description they are not).
Maddiesmydog
Look if you love her and she loves you forget about money. It comes and it goes. You both can make more to cover bills. If she makes you happy forget about money. She’s trying to help her parents. Her intentions are good. She’s a keeper.
Then OP responded here:
Purple_Ad_823
No I’m not a sociopath, I just always wanted a million dollar home so why should I sacrifice that? If I leave, I might find another woman who doesn’t have debt that I can achieve my dream with.
I’m not looking for an excuse, I want to buy an expensive house so why should I not get the million dollar home I’ve always wanted? If I were to leave, maybe I would find another woman who doesn’t have this debt and can help me buy the type of property I’ve always wanted.
AdAccomplished6870
The situation appears to have resolved itself, as the GF found this post and has corrected the situation. OP will no longer have to worry about his ex-GF's debt. This last commenter is right. On a separate reddit community post, we get to learn that the OP's girlfriend found his original post and provided a definitive response.
The OP's girlfriend did, in fact, find his post and provided her own response.
"My boyfriend (33M) posted about wanting to dump me (33F) for debt I took on to help my family - update"
ThrowRA1440
My boyfriend posted about wanting to dump me for taking on a mortgage to help my family. As you can tell, I found his post and I have broken things off with him. I wanted to post an update to let you all know - I’m so grateful for all your comments and for everyone who provided their thoughts.
Reading the post was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through, and this situation has caused me a lot of anxiety and worry, but I’m glad I found out. I worry that I may not ever find a partner willing to stick it out with me because of my situation.
But, I know I have to keep going. I’ll keep working hard and hoping that I’ll find someone who won’t ask me to compromise my values to make him happy. Thank you all so much - I appreciate you!
Here were the top rated comments from readers after hearing from both parties:
teashirtsau
Well that escalated quickly.
DivineMiss3
Yeah, straight from "I have the forethought to know that our financial goals are different" to "I want her to fund my million dollar home. I love that idea more than I love her...because million dollar home."
Driftwood256
BF was an idiot here, you dodged a bullet...
Harley-Quinn5636
“why should I get my million dollar home?”
Because you can’t afford it OOP. It doesn’t even seem like he can afford the 600k house that his girlfriends family lives in (on his own)….His eyes aren’t matching his wallet….
tsukiii
So… he wants a million dollar house, but he really wants a wife who will pay for most of that house for him.