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Woman tells sister who just lost newborn, 'you have my kids, that's just as good.'

Woman tells sister who just lost newborn, 'you have my kids, that's just as good.'


"AITA for telling my sister she is the reason I hardly know her kids?"


My sister and I have never been that close. As kids we got along fine, but she was two years older and thought she knew everything and at times it could be very annoying. As teenagers we really didn't interact all that much.

In our early 20s we tried to be closer but she was very know it all and also looked at me as someone who was much younger than her, instead of a sister with only a two years age gap. We had some more issues when I got married first and then when I didn't tell her about my first miscarriage (she found out a couple of years later).

My sister and I ended up pregnant at the same time. She was due four weeks ahead of me. Two days before she gave birth my daughter was stillborn. She showed up at the hospital and offered her support, but was also very insensitive.

She told me to focus on the positive and that her baby was due any day and would be alive and a celebration for the family. She showed back up in my hospital room the day her oldest was born, which was 3 days after I lost my daughter.

I asked her to please leave but she didn't and she told me being around my niece would help me heal. My husband had to call a nurse to get her out. I was so broken that I couldn't be happy to see my niece.

For the following two months my sister was trying really hard to get me to spend time with her and her oldest and focus on them. She had three more daughters in the years that followed. I had several miscarriages in that time also.

I actually never met her youngest two girls because I ended up avoiding any family gathering she would attend. Every single time we were in the same place she would feel the need to say I could get over my own losses with her kids, would feel the need to point out that I didn't need to be a mom because I had her girls.

I asked her to stop, my husband asked her to stop, our brother asked her to stop. She would not stop. She got more insensitive as time went on. She told me I shouldn't be capable of holding so much sadness and grief when her children were in the world.

I couldn't emotionally handle it. The whole thing was too much for me. It drove me crazy. I snapped at her once and she acted like I hadn't and proceeded to let me know that her kids should be enough for me.

With a lot of help, I became pregnant again at the start of this year, and my son was born not too long ago. My sister took it upon herself to show up and tell me I missed out on a decade with her kids and how could I justify not knowing my own flesh and blood, especially when I finally got what I wanted.

She called me selfish. I told her she was the reason for that, that she was insensitive and cruel always ignoring my boundaries and pushing her kids on me when I was grieving and could not fill the void with her kids. She told me her kids are more than good enough and how dare I accuse her of being at fault. I'm the selfish one. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. You were suffering and she didn’t know how to help you…so she did what she wanted. You’re NTA.

The OP responded here:


I think it goes beyond that. It wasn't about her not knowing how to help me exactly and I think it goes back to she always believes she's right and she's smarter than me so of course she would know what's best for me.


Your sister has, what has now become known as "I am the main character syndrome". She believes that she is the center of existence. That everyone should feel privileged to know her, be around her, and to have access to her progeny.

It's absolutely ridiculous. The idea that her kids "should be enough for you" after carrying a child to nearly full term and then having a still birth is ACTUALLY INSANE.

That you repeated yourself over and over again, your husband tried over and over again, AND your brother tried over and over again to no effect pretty much says all it needs to.

NTA, a thousand times over NTA. I'm so glad you now have a child of your own, and PLEASE don't let your sister ruin it. IT IS a shame that you don't have a relationship with her children, but I do agree that if facts are how you laid them out, your sister is the reason.


NTA. Your sister’s the ahole. But it’s very unfortunate that it had to be taken out on the kids.

The OP again responded:


Not being part of their lives was the only way for me because it was the only way to totally avoid my sister. I couldn't cope with her pushing them on me and expecting me to be okay with not having kids because she had some.


NTA. I’m sorry for your losses, and so happy that you were able to carry to term with your son. Your grieving process is your own, and you have the right to do so however it works for you. You sister didn’t have the right to decide to “heal” you with her children.

She doesn’t understand what repeated losses feel like or how to process it. She didn’t respect your grieving or boundaries to the point others stepped in to try and get her to back off.

She’s reaping what she sowed at this point, and the ones that lost out are your nieces and you. Your nieces in that their mother effectively pushed you away, because she didn’t allow your relationship with them to develop naturally.

So, do you think the OP should have tried to build a relationship with her sister's kids or has that opportunity gone out the window? Would it have just hurt her more?

Sources: Reddit
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