Woman accidentally mentions brother's vasectomy to his GF; he says, 'you ruined everything.' AITA?.
'AITAH for telling my brothers girlfriend that he had a vasectomy when she was telling about their plans to settle down and have a family?'
Independent-Put8752
My brother (Mark 40) won the lottery when he was 20. It was $1,000 a week for life. He was young and wanted to travel. He dropped out of school and has spent his entire adulthood basically seeing the world. He comes home to visit every few years and we FaceTime with him when he is near a signal. He doesn't travel first class or stay in expensive resorts so he has actually built up some nice savings.
He came home with a girlfriend, Hailey, 28, this year. They met when they got stuck in South America during the pandemic. She has been traveling since she graduated from university and she works online.
I (f54) live in the same city where I was born. I love it here. I love being close to my parents and my grandchildren. And most of my siblings. Mark hated being the youngest of eight and always swore he would not have kids. Our parents were older when they had him and they didn't have the energy for him, truth be told.
Mark came home when he was 30-years-old and told us all that he had a vasectomy and that he would not be contributing to the world population. Hailey is a pretty young thing and she is also intelligent and sweet. I can understand why anyone would fall in love with her. We were having a family BBQ to celebrate Mark being in town. There were maybe 30 people in my parents' yard and house.
I was talking to Hailey about her future plans now that the world opened up again. She said that she was ready to settle down and start a family. I asked if they were planning on adopting from one of the countries that they had travelled to or if they would try in North America. She said they had talked about it and would be having at least one child of their own.
This may be where I f*cked up. I asked where Mark got his vasectomy reversed or if they were having in vitro fertilization. I know they can harvest sperm from a testicle even after a vasectomy. She went very quiet and went over to Mark. They spoke and they left.
Mark called me later that night to scream at me for ruining his life. He hadn't told her and he was planning on just continuing to travel and maybe adopt if they decided on it. He said I shared private medical information and that he never wanted to see me again.
I apologized over and over. I seriously had no way of knowing that he was planning a future with this girl without telling her a pretty big piece of the puzzle might be missing. I feel bad for him but I think he should have told her.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
violetlavellan
So they talked about it and he didn’t bring it up on his own terms at all??? Wouldn’t that have been the time for him to tell his partner about the vasectomy??
CanisArie
He was gonna try and ‘run out the clock’
Broad-Discipline2360
NTA. Your brother is a self centered jerk. He was just going to lie and string that poor girl along. Thank you so much for telling her the truth even if it was an accident. Gawd what an a$$ your brother is. Shame on him. Please tell everyone he dates that he has had a vasectomy.
The OP responded here:
Independent-Put8752
He's usually not in the country.
AdDangerous1243
NTA. This is all his fault for being a lying asshole. It is not your responsibility to keep his secrets, especially if you don't know it's a secret. She dodged a bullet. You didn't do anything wrong. You assumed your brother had been honest with her. It's not your fault he doesn't deserve her.
CanisArie
NTA she deserved to know.
evil_burrito
NTA. You innocently let it slip not knowing they hadn't discussed it. Your brother was maliciously deceiving her and got caught up in his lies. It's 100% on him.
Ok-File-4502
Right! His brother is mad that he “let it slip”, but he never told him to cover for him. If she is openly talking about them wanting to have kids, she brought the subject up. It’s not OP’s fault. He didn’t lie for the brother because he didn’t know he had to.
If OP had known and was told to cover up for his brother, then maybe there could be a moral question of loyalty to brother vs his girlfriend’s right to know. But that’s not even the case. It’s definitely NTA.