Woman walks when family secretly invites 'bully' cousin to birthday dinner. AITA?
'AITA For walking out of my birthday dinner when I discovered that my cousin had been invited?'
My cousin Nancy bullied me severely during middle and high school. Nancy would call me names in the hallway, start rumors about me, and pressured other girls into not being friends with me.
In my sophomore year, I ended up having a mental breakdown at school because of Nancy and my parents stopped talking to hers' for a long time. I still avoid Nancy and don't have any kind of relationship with her, as the only 'apology' she ever gave me was not sincere.
This year, my parents insisted on preparing my birthday dinner, because they were getting reservations to one of my favorite restaurants. For every potential guest, they confirmed with me whether or not I wanted them to attend.
This included Nancy. I told my parents that I didn't want Nancy there. Seeing her brings up a lot of bad feelings and memories for me.
Plus, it was just meant to be a small family dinner with my parents, sister Grace, and grandparents. It wouldn't be odd to not invite a cousin anyway.
My parents told me they understood, and that they, Grace, and our grandparents would be the only people there. But when I arrived last night, Nancy was sitting at the table between my seat and Grace's.
My parents were begging me with their faces to just sit down. But I looked at Nancy, shook my head at my parents, and then walked out without saying anything else. I was incredibly upset because I specifically told them to not invite Nancy yet they invited her anyway knowing how miserable she made me.
I kept getting phone calls from my parents and Grace, so I shut off my phone for the night. But when I turned it on this morning, I had many text messages from my parents, saying they were disappointed in me for walking out of my own birthday dinner.
They said that I made things difficult in front of my grandparents, and I could at least tolerate my cousin since Nancy's dad (my uncle) did die only a few years ago.
Even Grace texted me saying I could have shown respect to my parents because they waited weeks for those reservations, and I could have just 'called a truce' with Nancy for a few hours since he hadn't said or done anything to me then at the table.
My friends and boyfriend told me that I was within my rights, because it was meant to be my birthday dinner and they invited someone who I specifically asked them not to. So now I'm conflicted. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA, but your parents and sister are.
So true, they didn’t even respect OP’s birthday wishes for a birthday dinner.
NTA. You are not obliged to forgive your bully or to have her in your life. Not back then. Not now. Not ever.
I don't understand why your parents felt that your birthday was the time to try and force a mending of the relationship between you and your bully. They had asked you and you'd made it clear that you absolutely did not want her to be there.
They hoped that presenting her presence to you as a fait accompli would embarrass you into accepting it so as not to make a scene. It was a bizarre decision on their part and not at all on you to feel bad about ruining the evening.
They ruined the evening by playing nasty games. They wasted their effort in securing that reservation by playing nasty games. They embarrassed the grandparents by playing nasty games. It would be bad enough to do this at any family event but to do this for you birthday celebration is really really really crappy.
NTA a million times, OP
OP needs to reply, “You betrayed me, I’m so disappointed in you.”
NTA.
'I told my parents that I didn't want Nancy there.'
'My parents told me they understood, and that they, Grace, and our grandparents would be the only people there.'
What could go wrong?
'I was incredibly upset because I specifically told them to not invite Nancy yet they invited her anyway knowing how miserable she made me.'
They knew what they were doing. They were manipulative and dishonest.