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Woman banned from father's funeral for not giving her house to brother. UPDATED

Woman banned from father's funeral for not giving her house to brother. UPDATED


'AITA for not paying for not giving up to my brother's tantrums?'


I [F29] recently bought a house and a brand new car. I will admit I probably splurge on my house more than I should but growing up very poor, it has been always a dream of mine to live in a nice house. I worked really hard to be where I am. So much so I undergo countless breakups because I always choose career over boys.

My brother [M,25] is currently jobless. He has worked as a tourist guide before and can barely make ends meet. He has five kids now (and counting as his wife announced pregnancy recently).

He messaged me on FB that there is something he wants to talk about and I thought he wants to name me godmother to his incoming baby. I said sure and invited him to the house to get his approval about some things I modified for our parents.

I gave him a tour and he admired my house greatly, saying things like how excited he is to bring the kids to my house. I did not mind anything about it as I thought he meant a visit, which I'm more than happy to host them for. Imagine my surprise when he finally sat me down and revealed what he wants to talk about.


I clarified whether he meant this house or the other house I bought for my parents which I still lived in (still has modifications ongoing with my dream house). He said the house is big enough for his family and I can go visit them anytime I like.

He even offered that if I really wanted to live there, I can go move into the maid's room and modify it for my personal use. I was shocked and could not speak as he thanked me over and over for the house.

I finally asked him where the heck did that idea come from and he said our mother told him I will give him MY HOUSE. I of course corrected that and this is where things gone south.

My brother repeatedly said since our mom said the house is his now, I cannot do anything but give in. I called my mother to tell him to duck off and lo and behold, my mother sided with my brother.

To make this already long story short, my whole family has cut me off and my parents disowned me until I give my brother my house. My father has been brought to the hospital over this fight and now I feel really bad. The guy I'm seeing now said to just give the house to my brother and he'll help me to buy another.

Reddit, AITA here?

Here were the top comments after the initial post:


She can move into the maid’s room of her own house?


NTA of course but what the actual hell is going on here? The entitlement of your brother to expect that you will give him your house? And the nerve of your parents expecting that you would indeed do this.

Actually if your parents want to provide for your brother, they can invite him to live in the house you’ve bought for them and they can live in the maid’s room. Your family is toxic OP and if that’s how they see you (as a bank), then cutting you off is a good thing for you.


I’d kick everyone but the dad out of the homes OP owns. Both of them. And lock it down with a lawyer for safety. Cameras. All of it. This sub is wayyy to familiar with some insane people.


Nta, your family is insanely selfish.

Do your parents value your brother over you?

The OP responded in the comments:


He has been kind of a favorite being the younger and smarter when we were kids. I already knew that though so. I mean smarter like has high honors back in highschool. I'm the daughter who repeated Grade 7 because I'm dumb according to my science teacher hahaha

I'm trying to read all comments and I'm just so overwhelmed for your support. I'm temporarily staying at a friend's house ever since. Your encouraging words really helped ease my mood.

I finally decided not to give this house and sell the other one to help pay for a vast majority of loan on my dream house. I also decided to remove my parent's access to my health plans and remove them on my insurance.

Last but not the least, thank you for the award kind strangers! Reading your comments made me realize how ridiculously unreal this sounds.

8 months later, the OP returned.

UPDATE: AITA for not giving in to my brother's tantrums


Hello. So a lot of people have reached out to me since my original post. A lot has happened then. I'll try to include much details as I can.

So I cut my family off back in December and removed them in all services that will benefit them being connected to me. Since I figured, hey mom you told me I'm dead to you then you get no free house from me anymore.

So the reactions from our extended family were just as I expected. Most of the 'adults' sided with my mother. My cousins expressed their support to me. I got uninvited to the family reunion I initially sponsored and isn't that just the worst?

My aunts and uncle had barricaded the gate when I arrived at my granny's house. I won't expand on this anymore because this still hurts until now.

My mother also sued me for selling the first house back in January. It did not reach the higher courts and I won. Public perception of me got worse though. She and my brother took this defeat to twist the sympathy in their favor.

They posted on socmed about how I am an ungrateful daughter and I owe them for everything I have. They also blamed me for my father's death.

Yes. He died. I did not even get attend the funeral because I'm banned. When this happened, I almost give in and signed the papers to give the house to my brother. I blamed myself and believed them that my selfishness killed my father.

At this point, my boyfriend convinced me to take a break from work and talk to a professional.

I did just that and I'm only now just realizing how ducked up the way they raised me was. I can't believe it took internet strangers to realized something is wrong with how they treated to me. To be honest, I almost decided not to post an update. It was last month when my therapist suggested I should do it because this is where me breaking off from them started.

On the bright side, I saw how my fiance's family really like me because of this ordeal. I thought they were just being nice. But sh*t happened and they supported me every step of the way especially when my partner had to go overseas for one week stay because of his job.

They really took care of me and even assured me I'm worth more than my family thinks I am. The nicest thing I ever heard in my life came from his mother.

Anyway, last July 21, my father's birthday, my mother reached out to me. She explained to me that she understood she had no right banning me from his funeral but at the time, all she can think about is how I cut them off my health plans and it rendered them incapable of supporting my father's hospitalization.

I did not realize this and we cried for hours. She said she still blames me though and doesn't think she can forgive me. I think I understand her. My therapist told me that thinking of what-ifs is counter productive but still, if I could go back in time, I'll help them with this.

My brother won't talk to me. That's fine. The feeling is very much mutual.

After this upsetting update, here were the top comments:


'I cut them off my health plans and it rendered them incapable of supporting my father's hospitalization.'

I feel so bad for OOP for this. It was the right thing to do, as the family were leeching off of someone they treated awfully, but at the same time it created a huge what-if that will haunt OOP for a long time, if not forever.

This being said, something tells me that OOP doesn't know the whole truth behind her father's health issues, or that mother might be twisting the story...


Your mother couldve told you but instead did a smear campaing against you (bite the hand that feeds)


For real. Her pride has cost her... Literally everything. And I get the impression she still somehow thinks she and brother are in the right.


I don't get it. How can the mother blame OOP for their father's death when they disowned her? In what world does anyone think, 'I'll disown my child because she won't bend to my will' and still expect to have ALL the benefits of the relationship? On top of that, the mom got the majority of the family against OOP too. I feel that this is just a power play for the mom to reclaim dominance over OOP.

For OP, I'm so sorry for your loss and not being able to grieve properly. I'd truly take this as a sign that your biological family isn't with the piss they make.


The family's entitlement is quite frankly astounding


Your father’s death was not your fault. Your parents chose to cut you off for not agreeing to an outrageous demand. They should have been prepared for the consequences.

Honestly, it doesn’t really sound like your dad was that great either. He cut you off and wanted you to give your house away just like everyone else. I’m sorry he passed but it doesn’t sound like he would have treated you any better if he hadn’t.

I’m betting your mom was making a last ditch effort to manipulate you into giving the house up. I wouldn’t be surprised if she calls gain saying that she’ll forgive you if you give the house to your brother. Just remember that you don’t need forgiveness for anything you did in this situation.

It is a regrettably heartbreaking situtation. If you could reach out to the OP, what would you tell them.

Sources: Reddit
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