Man learns SIL knew wife was cheating, revokes offer to pay for her college. AITA?
"AITA for refusing to pay for my ex-wife's sister's college?"
ImaginaryRuler
I (30M) was married to my ex-wife Claire (28F) for four years until I found out she had been cheating on me with an ex-boyfriend. Needless to say, the marriage ended, and we got divorced about eight months ago.
During the divorce proceedings, I learned that Claire's younger sister, Cindy (20F), had known about the affair but chose to keep quiet about it and helped Claire hide the affair from me and her family.
Before all of this I had promised to pay for Cindy's medical school costs as myself and my family are wealthy and despite the divorce, I had decided I was going to pay for her education, as at the time I felt I didn't need to punish Cindy for what her sister did.
However, as I said before it was during the divorce proceedings that I found out about what Cindy did and once I found out that Cindy was complicit in hiding Claire's infidelity, I felt betrayed and decided to revoke my offer. I told Cindy 8 months back that she should look for a loan or for other funding and I won't fund her anymore (I had already paid for one semester.)
Recently, when I received an email from the college regarding the upcoming semester fees, I responded by informing them that they should direct any further inquiries to Cindy as I would no longer be funding her education.
Cindy called me screaming and crying and accusing me of being cruel and heartless for cutting her off. She says that her family couldn't afford the tuition without my support and that she would have to take out a loan. I told her she is not my concern anymore and I blocked her.
When her father contacted me, he was more calm, asking if there was any possibility of reversing my decision. I stood firm and said that I had no intention of continuing to support Cindy financially.
He says he understands and will try to make Cindy understand too. (For context: He was very good to me during my marriage and offered me support when I told him I was going to divorce Claire.)
This decision has caused a rift among my friends and family. While most of them support my decision, some have criticized me for not honoring my previous promise to Cindy.
Even my own mother is urging me to reconsider, citing my past promise and the fact that paying for Cindy's education wouldn't be a financial issue for me. However, my father stands by me, agreeing with my decision.
Truthfully, I have the means to pay for Cindy's entire medical school education without difficulty, but I can't shake the feeling of betrayal caused by Claire's cheating and Cindy's complicity. But I feel conflicted. So AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
litt3lli0n
Cindy is upset because she got caught hiding her sister's secret and now she's paying the price of betrayal. You were helping her out of kindness yet she could not repay that to you. NTA.
ladymorgana01
Yep, decisions have consequences and this is hers. Hopefully, this will teach her that lying and betraying people isn't something she should ever do again.
BeeYehWoo
"While most of them support my decision, some have criticized me for not honoring my previous promise to Cindy."
Your friends can pay for Cindy f they feel so strongly about her education. What Cindy did was not the act of a friend. She helped destroy your marriage and supported your ex wife's infidelity.
She chose her side and turned her back on you so you can oblige her by withdrawing your promise to pay. She should ask her cheating sister to pay for the education. NTA.
jjj68548
NTA. She’s an adult, she can figure it herself.
Trailsya
The promise was based on having a good relationship with them. They both betrayed you. Cindy probably under pressure of her sister but that is ultimately irrelevant. NTA. And tell your annoying mother to mind her own business.
BendPresent1437
NTA don't pay! Cut off those two women.
And tell your mother that she is a failure.
BitterDarkCoffee
NTA, she was complicit and didn't come forward about it. She can pay her own way through school.
mustang19671967
I agree, I don’t believe in this hiding family’s cheating or worse covering by saying she was with me etc. She can take out student loans. She just learned a life long lesson, actions have consequences. Funny on how many fathers understand the husbands when this happen. Almost apologizing go and saying I didn’t raise them to do that.