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Wealthy gay couple redirects inheritance to charity after family excludes them. AITA

Wealthy gay couple redirects inheritance to charity after family excludes them. AITA

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"AITA for removing our family from our will"

xiphoid77

We are a gay couple in our 50s. Decent amount of money and no kids. We do have 7 nieces and nephews. It has been assumed by both our families that our money would be split among them when we die.

Not enough for them to retire but we are talking around 200,000 for each kid. They have joked about this money and the fact we have no one else to leave it to. Never a big deal except the last few years both families have sort of abandoned us.

We moved to a new state for my work and since then they haven’t called, visited, invited us to thanksgiving or Christmas. They went on family vacations without inviting us. We haven’t been able to figure out why they have abandoned us except maybe they feel we abandoned them because we moved.

My husband is hurt greatly, I am more indifferent as I was never close to my brother who is much older than me. My husband is the godfather to his nephews and is deeply depressed about them.

I decided with my husband's approval to change our will to give our money to a charitable foundation we support instead of our families. I am sure they still expect this money. AITA for denying them this money because I am hurt and mad at them. Should we tell them they are not getting this money?

Edit - Thanks for all of the feedback. I think common theme has been that this is hurting my husband and although it may seem annoying he needs to do all the work in maintaining a relationship if he wants one.

I think looking back he always was the one who did stuff for the family, organized events, dinners out, etc. Once we moved to a different state, his family put in zero effort to maintain any relationship. It just wasn’t important to them.

I reached out to his mom and she didn’t think anything was wrong. That was a year ago now and they haven’t called once or even sent a Christmas card or a sympathy card when my mom died.

They are very Minnesotan if that makes sense - they show no emotion. Well, that is how I feel. Being a Philadelphian I live off emotion :) I will leave to my hubby to decide if he wants to change things again in the future.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

BungCrosby

It’s your money. Give it to whomever you want. Your family is not entitled to it by virtue of blood. Whatever you do, do not tell them. Don’t open Pandora’s box. You are NTA.

CnslrNachos

Why even consider telling them??? It makes the whole thing extremely tacky and unbecoming. They’re under no obligation to share any money with anyone. They don’t need to tell people what’s going on with their will.

PsychologicalBit5422

NTA. spend it. Go on a luxury trips at the best hotels. Buy a years supply of food for an animal rescue. Donate school supplies. Join a country club. Eat and drink well. It must hurt, but hopefully the kids will talk when they are older.

2dogslife

Aging is expensive. If you end up needing a nursing home, your estate can be ravaged by care costs. There might not be an estate to leave in such a case. You might end up with terrific neighbors who step up and help that you want to repay. One of the neices or nephews might move close and seek a relationship.

Things change. Write the will and be at ease. If things change, change it based on new information. Make sure that each of you has funds in the case of the death of the other, whether by leaving the funds or through insurance payouts or alternate options. NTA.

Sufficient-Steak5604

NTA it’s your money. But I would reach out to your families, to see what’s going on. Sometimes misunderstandings happen. Give them a chance.

mustang19671967

You can do what you want . In my opinion not knowing their financial Situation I am Guessing you will be getting requests for money for university long before the will is needed.

SnooWords4839

NTA - But, FFS - Go spend some money! Go on trips! Enjoy your money! Look for a good charity that supports LBGTQ+ and leave the majority to them. Leave the kids a small amount, with a note, stating why they are only getting a small amount. Get an executor that isn't a family member.

Revo63

Technically, NTA. You can leave your money to whomever YOU (both) wish.

However, I do have a few questions.

  1. How old are these nephews and nieces? Young? Or old enough to make an effort to keep in contact?

  2. How much of an effort have the two of you made to keep in contact after your move?

In my opinion, if the kids are young, I wouldn’t penalize them for their parents not making any effort to keep in contact. If they are old enough, make an effort yourselves to keep in contact and let them know how much it means to you for them to do the same.

So, do you think this couple made the right call? Do you think their family will upset if/when they find out?

Sources: Reddit
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