'My entire family abandoned me because I said no to my mom getting married again.'

"Abandoned by my entire family because I said no to my mom getting married again."

Hi, I’m writing this because I feel emotionally shaken and I genuinely want an outside perspective. I (30F) have been abandoned by my entire maternal family because I said I do not support my mother getting married again. For some background:

My father passed away 10 years ago while I was still pursuing my degree. A few years after his death, I myself asked my mother if she wanted to get married again. At that time, she was involved with a man, and I told her clearly that if she wanted to remarry, I would stand in front and support her fully.

However, I later found out that this man was already married and was having an affair with my mother. My mother knew about his wife. When I confronted her, we had a huge fight. Later, when my marriage was being fixed, she told me she had ended the relationship. She was also in a big rush to get me married, which I didn’t fully understand back then.

After my wedding, I discovered the real reason for the rush: she wanted me out of the house so she could live with that man. He used to stay with her for a few days every month, telling his wife he was on “business trips.” I found out when I visited my mother’s house unannounced one weekend and caught them together. This led to another major fallout and we went no contact for a while.

Later, when she finally broke up with him, she fell seriously ill and needed help. I stepped back into her life because I felt it was my duty as a daughter to take care of her during that time. Over the years, things became somewhat normal again.

A few years later, my mother told me she wanted to get married again. I didn’t respond immediately. I took time, thought deeply, and then told her that I do not approve. My reason is not jealousy or control. The reason is this:

My mother has a long history of infidelity. Even when she was married to my father, she cheated on him multiple times, which eventually led to divorce. My father went into deep depression after discovering her affairs. He became an alcoholic and ultimately passed away due to complications from addiction. I strongly believe her actions played a major role in destroying his mental health and life.

Most of my mother’s family knows this history. Yet, her two elder sisters openly claim that my father “deserved it” because he was poor and couldn’t give her a luxurious life, and therefore her cheating was justified. Because of this mindset, I have been no-contact with my mother’s family for many years.

Coming back to the present: I said no to my mother’s remarriage because I genuinely do not want another man to suffer the way my father did. I don’t want another life ruined. I don’t want to be part of enabling that.

Recently, my mother suddenly announced that she is getting married. I don’t know who the man is, how they met, or anything about him. Her sisters are fully supporting this wedding.

Because I said no, my mother and her sisters have painted me as a horrible, ungrateful daughter. They’ve told relatives and cousins that I mistreated my mother, that I don’t want her to be happy, and that I’m selfish. As a result, relatives I was once close to have blocked me and cut off contact without even asking for my side of the story.

I recently learned all this through a family friend. It hurt deeply and took me a long time to process, but it also opened my eyes. It made me realize who truly considers me family and who doesn’t. The only people who stood by me through all of this are my husband and my in-laws. They have been my constant support.

I’m grieving the loss of my entire family, but at the same time, I feel strangely relieved that I no longer have to carry their moral justifications and emotional manipulation. I just want to know— Was I wrong for saying no? Was setting this boundary really that unforgivable? Thanks for reading.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Pretend_Artist_1823 said:

Sounds to me like the trash took itself out here. You are better off without people like that in your life.

Similar-Ad-6862 said:

Look. My father is a cheating sack of garbage. Not only did he not ask my permission he didn't bother to tell me or invite me.

All this to say. Let the trash take itself out

CumishaJones said:

Why would you want to be around them ? She’ll cheat again anyway

0fluffythe0ferocious said:

No, you're not wrong. It sounds like you being cut means you won't be there when everything sets itself on fire.

Ladyheather16 said:

For information; is she marring the guy she was having an affair with? Or someone else? How’s her health now? Has anyone thanked you for nursing her back to health? She’s and adult — let her do what she wants; but also let the trash take itself out.

OP responded:

Someone else, but I don’t know who it is. Her sister’s are well aware about the groom to be. Coming to her health, she’s all fine, and nobody even rememberers now that I took care of her back then.

OP shared this update to clarify a few things:

An update to clarify a few things: I know that, as an adult, my mom has every right to get married. I didn’t say that she has to get my permission to do so. I told her she could go ahead and get married, but that I wouldn’t be a part of the wedding. As an adult, I understand that it’s her life.

At the same time, it’s common courtesy to ask your daughter when you’re planning something this significant. When we decide to get married, we usually seek our parents’ approval, right? Just because we are adults doesn’t mean we get up and get married without informing them. It works the same way.

Now I understand why my mom and her sisters have cut me off. I have no idea about the others. I didn’t reach out because none of them contacted me to ask how I was coping with all of this. I eventually stopped worrying about it, especially since I’m pregnant and didn’t want this level of stress to affect my pregnancy or my child.