'AITA for having my baby shower on the same day as my step-sister's birthday?'
"AITA for celebrating my baby shower the same day as my step sister's birthday?"
Here's the story:
I'm (f20) six months pregnant with twins and just had my baby shower last weekend. For some context my parents for divorced when I was 12, I have two siblings, an older brother and a younger brother. My dad remarried two years after the divorce, his new wife already had a daughter (f22) and they have three more kids together. After the divorce my mom got custody over us and we visited my dad in weekends.
I don't have a good relationship either with his wife or with his stepdaughter. His wife always tried to be our "new mom" which neither me or my brothers liked, and her daughter would always try to fight for our dad's attention with us, especially me since we were both girls. Because of this we never really liked each other and that hasn't changed over the years.
Back to the baby shower. My boyfriend and I decided to celebrate it this month as I'm already feeling too tired from my pregnancy and want to spend the last months in my house.
We sent everyone the invitations like 2 weeks ago and it was already an issue since my dad called me and told me if the date was right since it was his step daughter's birthday, I confirmed the date and we didn't spoke about that again. My dad showed up at the baby shower with two of my half siblings but neither his wife or step daughter did which honestly wasn't a problem for me.
But then I got messages from both of them telling me that what I did was awful because my dad wasn't able to spend his "daughter's" birthday with her and they weren't able to attend the baby shower.
I told them my dad could've chosen to not attend the baby shower and stay home with them if he'd like it, therefore is not my problem and its something they have to solve themselves. His step daughter called me a selfish brat. Was I the a-hole for this?
Do you think she did anything wrong by choosing this date for her baby shower?
Here's what top commenters had to say about it:
RandomizedNameSystem said:
Probably N T A if you can honestly say you didn't know her birthday and whether they had plans. I do find it an unexpected coincidence, so if you scheduled it purposely over her birthday, then YTA for creating unnecessary turmoil. A bit of me is suspecting this is the case, but you'd only know that. Either way, it's your choice. Just accept your relationship with your father is changing.
ariesgal11 said:
NTA-I thought maybe by the title the step sister was a child but she's 22.... When I became an adult I quickly realized I rarely actually see my parents or celebrate on my actual birthday. And it's not like a baby shower takes all day to celebrate either, he could have celebrated with her after for dinner or something
DJ4116 said:
NTA. She is a step sister, I’m not sure why her birthday would be significant to you. Especially when you, her, and her mother don’t get along. Lol. Your father could’ve easily said no and stayed to celebrate his step daughter’s birthday if it was that big of a deal to your stepsister or her mother. They’re both unnecessary drama. I’d ignore them and focus on the pregnancy. Congrats!
BeeMacca said:
ESH. Given your history with the stepsister, it does feel like you chose her birthday on purpose. Was there really no other day you could have had the shower?! That said, no one "owns" a day. Hers and her mothers response sounds as petty as your decision to host it that day.
He may not be her biological father, but your dad is clearly close to her. Maybe you and your stepsister both need to work on some jealousy issues.
lostinRC said:
NTA. I am assuming you did not have a 24 hour rocking baby shower. They could have still done a celebration.
owls_and_cardinals said:
YTA. I mean technically you can hold the event on whatever day you want, especially if you TRULY would not have been upset if your dad and siblings had decided not to come. But still, you know in setting the date that you were making those people choose.
I suspect you would have avoided the birthday of OTHER family members in order to allow them to celebrate without having to also make room for your shower, and to avoid conflicts in making loved ones choose.
This reads to me a bit like you simply don't care about her, but also maybe that you're still competing for your dad's attention or making him choose. It seems like you could have chosen a different date.
And No_Location_5565 said:
Sounds like you’re still competing for your Dad’s attention.
What do you think?